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kingping · Sep 21, 2005, 01:53 PM

Don't worry about what she say's, it's how she feels that counts. With my girl I learned she hardly ever means what she say's. You really have to be patient and play it off. If she see's that you care that she called you 'crabby' your going to look like wussboy. Tease her, show her you don't care and it will stir back up the attraction. Once the attraction is dead stick a fork in you.

Originally Posted by Swriter

Ok, Wildcat, Kingpin and letmeno, what do you think of this one?? Before I could even finish my morning cup of coffee she was in my office. Again, I did everything I could to keep the conversation light, and most importantly, short. I said I had to run off and meet someone and that I had to go. That's when she started laying into me. She called me crabby and asked me what my problem was these past few days. I said there was nothing wrong and that I wasn't crabby. Just like any other day... My question is... is this the best approach?

I mean, I have no interest in the drama and arguing about what's been going on between us lately. It's been unsaid thus far and I think that's a good thing. I don't want her to think that this has entered my reality AT ALL. So, I'm not going to fight about it and so far I've just lied and said that there is nothing going on. Basically I'm letting her believe that any perceived change in my behavior (bye bye wuss boy) is all in her head. I'm the same guy as before. But is there some middle ground? Without getting into anything too heavy, should I be breaking her balls about it? Playfully tease her about how clearly things are different but whatever... I don't know. Maybe that's impossible and just lying about it and continuing to be unavilable is the best thing. What do you guys think??

kingping · Sep 21, 2005, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Nope - 'Nice guy' for now - I don't think you get this yet at all - please down load David Deangelos book at www.doubleyourdating.com - seriously.

Book is great - read it all in about 2 hours

Swriter · Sep 21, 2005, 02:24 PM

I didn't mean that I was going to show her that I care about her calling me crabby. I don't... She can think what she wants. I was just looking it ore as an opportunity to break her balls over it. I must not have been clear. I have no intention of trying to patch things up or convince her that I'm not crabby. I was just going to use it to give her and try and be cocky about it. Maybe that's not possible, though.

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2005, 02:32 PM

Absolutely give it back to her if she calls you crabby. Bust her on it. Test her - "Then I'll a;ways be crabby"

She's testing you.

You've put WAY too much importance into this.

"With my girl I learned she hardly ever means what she say's" - EXACTLY!! I learned this a while ago. QAs Letmengo says - most woman don't know wha thtey want until it's staring them right in the face - my gal broke with me - I didn't talk with her for 3 months - nothing - didn't return the 3 calls she made to me... I finally sent an e-mail, we slowly started to talk... she said the minute she SAW me after almost 4 months - she knew she wanted me. It hit her like a ton of bricks.

Swriter · Sep 21, 2005, 04:31 PM

Really, I'm not putting all that much importance into her. Yes, she comes to see me but I always try and end the conversation when I can. I don't go see her, I don't call, I don't email anymore. I was serious when I said I honestly believe that I'm the prize here. If she's not willing to work to get me, then so be it...

Every chance I get I'm busting on her. If she gets pissed, so what. One thing is for sure. Love me or hate me, she'll know that I'm different from all the other boy toys that chase her around. I'm not about to let her get away with anything...

kingping · Sep 21, 2005, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

she said the minute she SAW me after almost 4 months - she knew she wanted me.

Wow that's the same thing she said to me, although it was 2 months

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2005, 09:02 PM

"wow thats the same thing she said to me, although it was 2 months"

That's what happens. You change and become a man again - you evict the inner Wuss!!

See, these gals are bummed out as well that you act like a Wuss. You get that out of your head and they can't get enough of you.

It's CALLED learning the rules!! Giving them what they want AND US also having a lot of fun with it.

Swriter - I think she doesn't know what to make of you - I have a feeling shortly she will be all over you IF you keep the sort of brush off going.

The Matirx: "I think he is beginning to believe!"

letmeno · Sep 21, 2005, 09:15 PM

Oh wow! She has noticed a change in your 'tude. We do often try and have a male friend we can dump all of our relationship baggage on. We need that male opinion. Knowing what will happen before it actually happens keeps our leverage. You already said that this type of relationship with this gal is in no way what you want, then stick to your plan. My question is what do you plan to do if this is her intentions? (to put you in the friend zone) Are you going to completely disregard this girl if nothing comes of this?

Swriter · Sep 22, 2005, 04:20 AM

Yeah, pretty much. I'm just not interested in being her friend. I have no desire. I mean, I won't ignore her or trash her to other people. I'll be professional at work and cheerful if I do happen to interact with her in a personal situation, but that's it. I'm not going to go out of my way to contact her or invite her along to any social functions. What's the point? I'll just focus my efforts elsewhere and forget about her. I look at it this way, if she tries to put me in the friend zone then... I wanted to go out with her and she said no. She think that's too much and just wants to be friends instead. Well, I'm not interested in that, and I want nothing instead of that. In each case the person who wants less from the 'relationship' gets it. That's the way it always goes...

Wildcat21 · Sep 22, 2005, 12:38 PM

Yes - I think she wants to dump on you because you listened before. Don't listen, be busy - THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE - "Seriously, you should be discussing this with your girlfriends, not me" - it works and shuts it off immediately.

I still think she may come back, if you can wait this out and be a man about it.

Swriter · Sep 22, 2005, 01:15 PM

Trust me. I'm going to have no trouble waiting this one out now... I'm just not willing to work at it any more. Either she can work at it or it will be done. I've got time...

Wildcat21 · Sep 22, 2005, 01:17 PM

"I'm just not willing to work at it any more." - that is the attitude you actually need - I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what you need!!

Swriter · Sep 22, 2005, 02:11 PM

Yeah, I really think so. It was just no fun beating my head against the wall and watching, literally watching, while it slipped away. It's not like she was doing me any favors by keep me around a little longer. She should have ended it sooner so I could move on. But, I guarantee that I won't have any contact with her for the next 5 days, even if she gets a hold of me. She can wait.

letmeno · Sep 22, 2005, 07:27 PM

I definitely think that you should wait and see, play the role that you have been playing.
What if forgot to tell you all before is that in some cases, men start in the more than a friend zone, we quickly realize that he may not be the more than a friend type and find a nice friendly way to slide them into the just a friend zone.
I don't blame you swriter. You have the right to be in the type of relationship that you deserve. It is great that you are not willing to be "friends" with her just to be in her "hotter than thou" little world!

Wildcat21 · Sep 22, 2005, 09:30 PM

Letmeknow - they were lovers and then he became a Wuss- happens to guys ALL he time when they don't know any better.

He is working to get her back - WHICH I KNOW HE WILL!!

Guys don't know about this unless someone tells them!!

Us guys get all soft and would do anything under the sun for gals we love - YOU GUYS HATE THAT!! HATE IT!!

We're just trying to show how loyal we are - yet you guys get repulsed!!

Swriter · Sep 23, 2005, 04:36 AM

Wildcat, you have it exactly right! Well, here's the latest development.

She stopped by my office again yesterday, again asked me why I was so crabby. I didn't take the bait. I was overly cheerful and just tried to end the converstaion early. Then she wanted to 'talk'. She flat out asked me if I was going to warm up to her and at least be her friend. I told her no. No hard feelings, I just don't want that. Wildcat, you will love it. After spending 10 minutes trying to convince me that I was being irrational and that I should just go along with it (she even dropped the 'well, maybe if we're friends it can develop back into something more than that' line) but I still declined. She then threw a little tantrum. She told me that this really sucks because she 'always gets her way' in situations like this. She told me that every one of her other old boyfriends jumped at the chance to still be her friend. I just said, 'Honey, I'm not like all your other old boyfriends'. I told her I wasn't going to chase her and wait around while being her friend in hopes that something may develop later on. Forget it, moving on. It's a waste of my time and of hers. She asked me one last time if I was sure about this, I said yes and she just said that she was going to miss me as you left my office.

So... here we go. I think now I'm finally at a stage where there will be no contact. Time to put the plan into action.

Swriter · Sep 23, 2005, 04:53 AM

I almost forgot. While I'm sure all of this was prompted by my WUSS boy behavior, I discovered something else yesterday. One of her close friends is getting married in a few weeks and her ex-boyfriend (the one that totally hosed her) is coming back for the wedding. Apparently they have been talking A LOT lately. He said that he wants to see her and when she told him about me, I guess he wasn't too happy. It was clear to me that he doesn't want her but he doesn't want anyone else to have her either. So, yeah I was a WUSS, but there is some other stuff going on behind the scenes. EIther way, though. My path forward is clear.

Wildcat21 · Sep 23, 2005, 02:50 PM

WAY TO GO!! You are da man!! Nice. I LOVE IT!! You did not give in and be a Wuss!! You didn't do what ALL the other guys did.

If you wanted a romanic interest to develop again there was no shot IF you went into the friends zone. NEVER go into the friend zone!!

You have her head spinning so much!! You may get a text message tonight!! I may NOT seem logical, but you did the right thing to keep the options open - woman are in the bizzaro world.

You handled this so well.

Swriter · Sep 23, 2005, 09:29 PM

Yeah, there is no doubt in my mind that this was the right thing to do. Sorry, I'm not going to let her have her cake and eat it too. No contact from her tonight, and I don't really expect it. That's fine. I'm willing to wait and focus on other things. Either she'll come crawling back and actually try a llittle harder or she won't, and at least I didn't end up looking like a fool.

Wildcat21 · Sep 24, 2005, 10:48 AM

It may take some time, but I think you will have a great shot. You're doing all the right things to have that shot.

If you could go on a date and some how let her know with out telling her. That would help a ton. Woman get so jealous.

Yes - the key is you didn't end up looking like a fool or a wuss. Very important, VERY ATTRACTIVE to woman.