[MommaLove]

:rolleyes:

I was dating a guy and we lived across the street from each other. We dated about a year. We had a baby boy together. I went through some emotional stuff with him. Yelling and what not. Baby is 4 months I moved 4 hrs away. He has been seeing another girl who while we were dating they would talk. When we would break up they would get together.Then he would get back with me. I didn't realize this until later. She had been there for him emotionally and sexually when I wasn't. He claims he has stopped talking to her but I know this is not true. HE talks to her everyday but doesn't call me everyday. I love him what do I do besides wait. We have a hard time trying to talk. I am not making a big effort because I want him to and he won't make an effort because he has too much pride and he has her on the side. I would like to get him back. What should I do.

[fredg]

Hi,
I am not Wildcat, but maybe I can offer some advise.
I am 63 yrs. Old, been through one divorce, many yrs ago, but now married for 28 yrs... been through ups and downs with 2 sons that were 5 yrs old when my first marriage broke up... been there, done that!

First, please don't fully base anything you do on question/answer sites. See a counselor of some type and talk with them about it, too.

Being in love both hurts and can be very, very happy feelings. To be blunt about this, your son's father is taking you for a ride. He has another girlfriend that he sees, while trying to talk you into sex, and being with him.
If it's possible, try making some new friends, and try to stop thinking about him all the time. If he were serious and really loved you, he would be calling you every day, sending flowers, doing anything possible to get you back, including mailing you pretty cards every day, and so on.

This man is not in love, he only wants another girlfriend for sex.

I do wish you the very best, and again, try to think about other things with other people. Things do take time.
fredg

[Wildcat21]

Hey Momma,

I would keep busy on what your doing and take care of this child. Get busy with work, school, friends date.

How come you moved 4 hours away? Long distance relationships are very hard to beginning with and you have the child that is your #1 priority.

I hope this guy helps with child support? I have a feeling he is in and out of jobs.

This guy seems like a real jerk if he is seeing someone else.

I don't have all the facts, but why didn't you get married? Why didn't he move with you?

Seriously - you need to forget this guy and date other men. Hopefully you have family who can watch over your child.

Shut this guy out of your life socially (hopefully he is helping pay for your child) - he may come charging back - THEN set concrete rules.

If he is NOT helping pay for the child he is a complete loser!

I think it's time to move forward in your life. Luckily you ARE 4 hours away and you don't have to deal with his hot and coldness towards you. Unfortunately right now you are giving his cake and he eats it as well. You are there for him the way HE wants it - it allows him to see this other bimbo and you. Not good.

[MommaLove]

Well we were arguing and fighting about the baby so I left and moved with my mom. We were going to try and work things out but then we started arguing we tried to go to one counseling session and things turned out bad. I was going to stay in the town that we met but I said I just stayed with my mother. We are trying to work things out until I finish school. Which is in two months. So we are friends right now. But he says he doesn't talk to her but I know for a fact he does. He has helped a couple of times with money but not much. He was trying to get custody of the baby but we are still going through a custody battle. I have not really brought up the custody issue but he says it is the only way he can see the baby. Because I keep the baby away from him when I get upset. So this way he insures he gets to see the baby. Anything else??

[Wildcat21]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I think you did the right thing moving with your mom. You actually needed to get this guy out of your life.

Unfortunately, and you're not going to like this, this guy sounds like an A #1 jerk. He should be helping you with the child - seeing you at least on weekends.

The only way to ensure he is with you is for you to be near him. I don't advise moving back with the baby at all.

When you finish school - what do you plan to do? Is he in school? Does he work?

If he loved you he would be with you and marry you.

Do you have an attorney?

I know it's hard to give up on him, but is this really love? Would someone who loved you put you through this? Seriously.

My advice is to get sole custod of your child and move on. There are plenty of great men out there who would love and your child. It takes time. And when you first date - you don't need to make issue of the child.

Right now I don't see ONE good quality in this guy and for that reason this is no reason to want to spend the rest of your life with him.

[fredg]

Hi, again,
I completely agree with Wildcat.
If your friend isn't paying child support, then there is no way he will ever get custody. Most states lean heavily toward the mom in these issues.
I'm sure you already have a lawyer with this custody stuff.
My wife (of 28 yrs) went through the same thing with her ex-husband 27 yrs ago... we eventually moved 400 miles away, after the court told him "no way".

The BEST thing we did was to move away... get away from him.

I don't understand why you are still friends with this man. He is only trying to hurt you. It is probably the only reason for the custody battle... to hurt you. He probably knows he doesn't have a chance.
Get rid of this very bad friendship, make new friends. He is a complete loser.
Been there, done that.
Best wishes, I do wish you the best of luck.
You will create your own good luck by forgetting this clown.
fredg