Check out some similar questions!

biederman · Mar 30, 2009, 07:55 PM

:confused:i have been with my fiancé for almost 5 years now and a few months back a girl approached him at work, trying to hook up with him,he told me about it, and I let it go. A few weeks later she sent a text to him, so I called her, I introduced myself and nicely asked her to leave him alone... she hung up and her mother called me back and told me that my fiancé had been calling her daughter from work each night promissing to be with her once she turned 18, I asked him about it and he denies all of it. Every time we would argue hed say he s leaving to go be with her and that I better lose my attitude or hell go be with her.she comes up a lot, and its ruining our relationship, I don't know what to believe... can u help me? The worst part is we have 3 kids together

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:08 PM

He is threating you to leave with her. Hello!

Look here this man really has no more love for you either that OR respect. I don't know what else he has to do for you to see that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

This relationship has definitely ended, it's past due! You need to get up by your boot straps and leave the man- there is no future with him.

Sorry if that was too rough but really does he need to make you a sign?

AMHD is here for support! I am really sorry you are going through this.

MRS.S

biederman · Mar 30, 2009, 08:12 PM

He swears on the kids' lives that he has always been true to me... maybe I want too bad to believe him...

tarzanthon · Mar 30, 2009, 08:15 PM

I believe that if he threatens you with leaving you, but ALSO includes he'll leave you for her, there is something going on-inside him or on the outside.
What I mean by those is, he might have feelings for her in the inside, or there might be a physical relationship between them.
I am a man, so this would be my advice.
Go do something special JUST THE TWO OF YOU, for the entire weekend.
Spice up your relationship with something NEW.
Men tend to get bored with the same ol same ol routines in relationships.
Do or go somewhere you two have NEVER been. Maybe(maybe) include one of his fav orite activities.
Then, another weekend plan a fun day for your whole family.
Maybe he will realize what he will lose.
Focus your efforts on what he will lose if he decides to leave, but DO IT IN A SECERET/NICE WAY!
It will work out either way, because if he TRULY TRULY loves you he will realize.
Hope it works out!
Bye!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:16 PM

Sorry to say this but what relationship is he ruining. The relationship is over. As soon as he threatens to leave for another women. This is emotional black mail as far as I am concerned.

I know this situation may be hard because of the children at the same time do you want this constant struggle especially when you do have children.

Let him go, tell him to leave. This is a major step but you need to do what is best for you and your children.

It is too bad and sad that this situation happened at the same time it does not seem like he is willing to change. He is just adding fuel to the fire and using emotional black mail against you.

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 08:16 PM

Manipulation is one of the worst things you can do to a person. It erodes their soul and gets under their skin like nothing else.

This is what this man is doing.

Do you want to be with a man that would, even could do that to you.

You and your man can still be good parents without being together. This is not a reason to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. In fact, it is yet another reason to get out of it, your kids don't need to see their mom degraded like this.

I hear you say 'Well we never fight in front of them'

You don't need to, kids can pick up very quickly on their environment especially when it regards their caregiver(s).

Stand up for yourself. You deserve better.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by biederman

he swears on the kids' lives that he has always been true to me....maybe i want too bad to believe him....

He is sending mixed messages. Find out why you guys are having a hard time why does he always threaten to leave you? Why does he always threaten to leave you for her. Is he just frustrated for being accused of something going on? Maybe there is nothing going on, but I still do not like the fact that he is always threatening to leave especially for this girl.

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by tarzanthon

i believe that if he threatens you with leaving you, but ALSO includes he'll leave you for her, there is something going on-inside him or on the outside.
what i mean by those is, he might have feelings for her in the inside, or there might be a physical relationship between them.
i am a man, so this would be my advice.
go do something special JUST THE TWO OF YOU, for the entire weekend.
spice up your relationship with something NEW.
men tend to get bored with the same ol same ol routines in relationships.
Do or go somewhere you two have NEVER been. maybe(maybe) include one of his fav orite activities.
then, another weekend plan a fun day for your whole family.
maybe he will realize what he will lose.
focus your efforts on what he will lose if he decides to leave, but DO IT IN A SECERET/NICE WAY!
it will work out either way, because if he TRULY TRULY loves you he will realize.
hope it works out!
bye!

I'm not going to give a reddie but I disagree.

This woman does not need to validate or affirm this abusive behaviour by planning a special treat?? :eek:

She needs to walk away.

ISneezeFunny · Mar 30, 2009, 08:28 PM

I would say, believe your husband. Why believe a minor's parent about your husband?

However, I do see problems in which your husband is threatening to leave you for a girl. That's just immature and stupid, to be frank.

I know a lot of people are saying to "leave him," but I know it's not as simple as that... you guys are married, you guys have children... a divorce isn't as neat and easy as a breakup. Try to sit down and talk to him about this, and do try to work it out. Leaving should be one of the last resorts, at least for the sake of the children.

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by biederman

he swears on the kids' lives that he has always been true to me....maybe i want too bad to believe him....

No parent would bid the lives of their kids in good conscience! This man is a liar and a coward. Kick him out and tell him to go move in with this prepubescent girl he threatens to leave you for.

It WILL be tough, it WILL be hard- but you CAN do it. You will be wasting time trying to make sense of his actions and you'll end up not only hurting yourself and your children. This behavior isn't acceptable in any relationship.

MRS.S

JoeCanada76 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I would say, believe your husband. Why believe a minor's parent about your husband?

However, I do see problems in which your husband is threatening to leave you for a girl. That's just immature and stupid, to be frank.

I know a lot of people are saying to "leave him," but I know it's not as simple as that...you guys are married, you guys have children...a divorce isn't as neat and easy as a breakup. Try to sit down and talk to him about this, and do try to work it out. Leaving should be one of the last resorts, at least for the sake of the children.

They are not married.. It seems like this is an on going issue. As another said. Even if she did decide to leave, which is her own choice. They can still be good parents.

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:31 PM

He is lying to you because if what he is saying is true--how did she get his number in the first place to call and text?

Then an underage girl at that which the girl own mother knows about and doesn't mind. What is the world coming to and what is wrong with some parents today?

His behavior is frightening! Don't let your kids be the motivation behind you being with him.

biederman · Mar 30, 2009, 08:35 PM

His boss doesn't like me. And he told me himself that he(his boss) gave her his number.
The first text she sent just said who is this

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:35 PM

liz28 agrees: I concur

Concur is to disagree. I'm mixed up, you gave me a greenie? Why do you disagree.

**Whoops stupid moment, thanks Joe for the correction. Concur is to agree [tehee boy did I have a moment there**

MRS.S

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:37 PM

How many texts did you read?

Why doesn't his boss like you?

Why did he talk to her?

Something sounds a little fishy!

ISneezeFunny · Mar 30, 2009, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

They are not married.. It seems like this is an on going issue. As another said. Even if she did decide to leave, which is her own choice. They can still be good parents.

Ah, sorry, I missed it. I mis-read. I understand they can still be good parents, even when separated.

I strongly agree that this is a bad relationship. No one in a relationship should threaten to leave... especially for someone else. That's absurd. I just feel that just "leaving him" would be MUCH easier said than done.

biederman · Mar 30, 2009, 08:42 PM

There were never any texts to her from him,
His boss I a woman hater, verry errogant.
I read 2 texts then we got his # changed... no more since then... I don't know, he just seems really defensive when I bring her up, I've never seen her but he told me that she I one of the prettiest girls he has ever seen,. keep in mind he is only 22 I'm 24

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:50 PM

If he wasn't guilty then he wouldn't have to get defensive.

I learn that when someone gets too anger over something, especially when it isn't true, than their lying. Otherwise it wouldn't phrase them.

The two of you need to stop arguing and I hope the two of you aren't doing this in front of kids.

Talk in a civil matter, no yelling, than figure out what your going do.

You been with him for 5 years so you should know when he's lying. I been with my fiancé for over two years and know when he isn't telling the truth.

Another thing, if you can't tell them watch his body language.

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I just feel that just "leaving him" would be MUCH easier said than done.

Well of course it is. However leaving him outweighs what she would have to deal with; for example. Say she wants to work it out and he does but at heart he really doesn't, he's over her. They seek therapy and well she is just going to be beating a dead horse. Counseling is also can get mighty expensive and you both have to be willing [not by obligation] to go.

She can try and try until she's even stretched this relationship another 5 years and finally comes to realize that she should've gone long ago.

Ultimately this is her decision, no matter what we say or do she'll do as she sees fit.

If she wants to stay she has to put on her battle gear because this is going to be one hell of a battle.

Either way she's in for a tough time.

MRS.S

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Another thing, if you can't tell them watch his body language.

I completely agree. Here is a site that helped me a long time ago: How to detect lies - body language, reactions, speech patterns

MRS.S