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vanheart · Oct 11, 2011, 01:36 AM

"she still insists on the breakup"

She said it, you said it, now Im saying it.

"She says she has no confidence on carrying on the relationship"

Leave this girl be. Don't waste your time. Act like a puppy.

Did you get the "breakup" part?

Time for you. Not her.

shoulditrust · Oct 11, 2011, 02:58 AM

Tried to remind her to think of our times, our I treated you and how happy you were with me everyday via msn. Today she said is getting annoying, just give her some time to cool it off. But she said we can still msn and message, and still ask her out. She said as for now, the feeling is not right, she does not knows what she wants and is confuse, need to sort out her thoughts. Can a girl just forget everything like how we were like and just change suddenly. I send her a last message telling her to just think of us and our time, and told her I won't be repeating the same thing again. Am so scare that I will lose her during this period, and she feels as bad as me too. So what is wrong? Should I just leave it until she's clear? Will she just go out with another guy and I just lose her like that?

vanheart · Oct 11, 2011, 03:16 AM

"she said is getting annoying"

So stop. Bugging her. She's done. Stop trying to get her back.

"am so scare that i will lose her during this period"

You already lost her man. Go NC.

She's going to go out with other guys. And you with other girls.

That's what happens when you breakup.

Sorry. We all have to face facts at some point.

Its now all up to you. Living without her. Whatcha going to do.

Wait?

shoulditrust · Oct 11, 2011, 03:52 AM

OK, I had enough, treating someone real well does not means you will get it back, or least be appreciated. Am off now, until when she finally get her thoughts back and let me know, there's seems like there's nothing I can do but to move on. Thank you so much

vanheart · Oct 11, 2011, 04:12 AM

You got that right. As much as it sucks to know. Ugh.

Stick with those thoughts you just wrote.

Learning from this girl will help you later. You will end up thanking her. And yourself, for knowing.

Time is on your side. Don't waste it. Have fun.

And this forum is here, anytime, along the way.

shoulditrust · Oct 11, 2011, 06:51 PM

Yeah, she say she misses, but feeling is not right, anyway, let her be, apart from the overspending I did not treat her unwell or unfaithfully. So if its because of the guy that step in or some other reason, maybe her love to me is not that really strong, just be giving my all... we spend nearly 4 days a week seeing each other. And can't be compared to a guy that just step in or due to my financial status? What a joke

She's the one that turn cold, not me, the next relationship that am in, am going to, just follow the wind

vanheart · Oct 12, 2011, 02:40 PM

Whatever the reasons, she's out.

No longer your concern. That's all in the past now.

Now you can do whatever you please.

I would go NC. Don't communicate w/her at all.

shoulditrust · Oct 12, 2011, 07:51 PM

Yup, doing that, I can't even be bothered with the 'real' reason anymore, can only blame myself for been too naïve, giving too much, trusting and being a silly & fool. No more next time

vanheart · Oct 12, 2011, 08:07 PM

There's no reason for blame. That doesn't serve you in any way.

I hope that text was the last one. The last attempt.

Now NC, man. Don't talk to her ever again.

The more you do, the more pain.

Get rid of your prob. (Her). Disappear now.

shoulditrust · Oct 27, 2011, 08:15 PM

Hi All, my girlfriend have broken up with me, we had a relationship of nearly 2 years. We have not been really contacting each other for nearly 2 to 3 weeks. She said the breaking up reason is because I always overspend, those types that earn how much and will spend how much. Fyi, most of it was spend on our dates and her... so she said because I keep overspending, I do not have the financial stability, she says she sees no future between us, and have never stop worrying about my finance since we started the relationship. Fyi again, during this relationship of nearly 2 years, I have already job hop twice, my wages have been increasing but more than 50%, because I also wanted to have better life for both of us. She said she knows that I spend a lot on her, I have put in a lot of effort and I have treated her so well to the point she doesn't know if she can find another guy that treat her this well. So she kept insisting that the problem lies with her, she don't know what she wants, confuse, doesn't want to stick to a guy at this point of time, think having a foreign might be interesting and still love and miss me but not as much as before, insists she just do not have the confidence to continue with the relationship, then days later says love becomes like, become feeling not right, confuse.. Says its very tough for her too to give up on me when me and my family have treated her so well.

Anyway, there is one point of time right where got to know this guy online, I was the one that she agree to bring her along I still trusted them and bring them around showing them good food and drinks... bills on me... when we quarrel once, she said she had a sudden crush on him, but after cooling off she said its just nothing actually, she realise it, and know she still have feelings for me.. just recently, I reliase that the guy have actually remove me from his Facebook and the girl have been posting flirting post among her friends. It is really pissing me off. I did not asked her about anything yet. I remember during the break up, she said she will not be with the guy, asking me to believe her, and kept insisting that what she told me for the break up is all honest, what do you guys think, need some opinions :)

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2011, 08:24 PM

Do you have a budget and a savings plan? Or do you just live for today? Maybe that's her problem with you, that she doesn't see someone who is responsible with his money.

What do you think?

shoulditrust · Oct 27, 2011, 08:28 PM

Yup, I have all the saving plans up, might not be a lot, but have started with something, and the new job that am in are paying well, and am just like less than 2 months in the job when the broke up happened :s she 23 of age. She just asked me how long do I want her to wait... am really putting in a lot of effort on it. She just keep insisting she forgive but can't forget, insisting she just do not have the confidence at the time being. The bombshell was that she says she always keep a look out if there is someone out there with better conditions... I do not think that is the way to treat someone that loved her unconditionally and treated her really really well and with respect...

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2011, 08:43 PM

Then it's time to move on and get your life in good shape. Be good to yourself for a while and get stable emotionally and financially.

Don't look for someone else, but be busy and involved with life and be happy. That's when love will find you.

shoulditrust · Oct 27, 2011, 08:51 PM

I am really curious whether if that's the real reason although she insists she has been honest. I also wonder why can't she give me a chance to prove that I really working hard on it when she says she still have feelings for me in the first place although not as strong as before. She just says see no future in us, and insists on the break up rather than dragging any longer. Seriously, I mean time and joy that we had together and the way I have love and treated her, doesn't matters? Just because of this overspending?

Yup, am moving on, trying hard to work on my career. Just neeed some time to get over it. It also pains me to see that she's taking it so easy? And talking in fb with like there is a third guy or already have some other guys in mind. Is it really that easy? Haizzz sigh

Wondergirl · Oct 27, 2011, 08:57 PM

Yeah, at your age, it can really be that easy. Young women out try this and then try out that. It's like a slow dance and changing partners -- until she finds the partner who matches steps with her and makes her feel like she's dancing on air.

Apparently, you aren't that partner for her, so keep on dancing until you match steps well with someone else and sweep her off her feet.

shoulditrust · Oct 27, 2011, 10:04 PM

Yup, understood. We actually understand each other very well, and both of us agree that we have lots of commons and thinking that many couples out there might not have. So that's one of the reason that I really cherish this relationship and her. But she agreed with that but still...

Anyway I shall move on, and hopefully I will find someone that really appreciates me. Thanks a lot wondergirl

samm101 · Oct 28, 2011, 01:16 PM

Sorry to hear
Do you think maybe the problem lies elsewhere in the relationship and the overspending might just be a factor in her decision? It sounds like there might be a little more to this.
Take this time for you, keep yourself busy in the coming weeks.. too much idle time will lead you to dissect your relationship which isn't healthy.
In time you will get some sort of resolve,one way or another. Try not contacting her 1st, this includes Facebook. Sometimes not knowing what an ex is up to is blissful especially when your feelings are so raw. Think about it, if you knew she was flirting with another guy it'd only make you feel worse... not knowing what she's doing will help you focus on you, no distractions.
Hope it works out for you

shoulditrust · Oct 30, 2011, 08:51 PM

Am 28, she's 23. She have been insisting it's the overspenting that got over her limits, and my financial stability. But one thing for sure, I had my savings plan up 3 or 4 months before this broke up happened, and I have changed 2 jobs and each job is getting better than the previous. She said she sees and know the effort that I have put in, and threw back at me asking how long she has to wait. But at the same time she gave contradicting reason, like her feelings is not right, not as much as before, doesn't wants to stick to one guy at this time, sees no future between us? scare that she will have a crush on some other guys again when she is in korea which I don't deserve it, saying that I treated her really well and not sure if she can find a guy that treated her as well as I did, saying its not easy on her to give up on me and the relationship too, saying the problem lies on her, she is confuse and don't know what she wants, etc. these really causes me lots of questions in my head, but after persisting and trying to save the relationship for some time, I guess its time for me to stop, kind of annoying for her I guess. So after dragging this situation for a month plus, I gave a stop to it. So hopefully she does know what she wants in the future. What is annoying me now is that, she will not be with the guy that she had crush on but her posts in fb and the guy deleting me from his Facebook, seems to be leading me to think that they are already together, in anyway, I did not ask her about it. So any suggestion what is this situation going on?

She says she will not carry on with the relationship until she figures out what she wants in life... what a ans

talaniman · Nov 3, 2011, 04:37 PM

Stop following this girl on face book and get out of her business. The reasons she dumped you don't matter, but to keep those feelings stirred up is what will keep you from moving on with your life.

It will take time to build a life without her. So start now.

mmresd · Nov 3, 2011, 06:08 PM

Sure, feeling can change, they do everyday. However, she is clearly done with relationship. I think it is time to go no contact, accept that she no longer wants to be with you, and start moving on with your life. There is no point in waiting for someone who is already looking for something else, you will get over this. Give it some time, it's not easy, break ups suck. But the sooner you accept it, the sooner you heal.