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Dear all, my girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. But due to some mistakes that I have made (overspending) she said she got disappointed with me and become no feelings for me. And just 3 or 4 days before my silly mistakes, we were super loving and she herself said its true, and she don't know why. Then she drop one more bombshell to me, she said during the period that she has no feelings for me, she said she got a crush on another guy, I asked why, she said don't know, just a spark, this guy is a guy that she barely knows. Now we are in a cool off period. I have did everything I could and say what I can already during this cool off period.

Can someone advise me what should I do? Because I have never been unfaithful to her when we are in the relationship. And I really love her with all my heart and treated her really well, she also agree. So is she just confuse or there is some other things in her mind? During this cool down period she is super cold towards me, no message or nothing, normally only when I wrote to her she will reply. Short answers.

Just maybe she isn't ready for a long term relationship?

Sure it's been two years-- but it's been only two years and she's already having "no feelings towards you".

It's really hard to stay in a relationship when the person doesn't really love you, there's a lot of abandonment, regret, and resentment.

It's okay to have crushes once in a while-- we're only human. However if the crushes develop into bigger things then that's when you're in trouble.

I'm just assuming at this point but if she has no feelings towards you and likes this new guy... does that mean she kind of sort of did things with this guy too?


Anyway, I think it's time to cut your losses. Why be with someone who is cold and distant... and it's only been 2 years. Imagine how it's going to be in 10.

Feelings just don't change from 'on' to 'off'. There is much that goes into making the decision that you are realizing you just don't feel the same way. Most of us would think, well, maybe it's the stress I'm under, or maybe its because he was a jerk buying a new TV that we couldn't afford. But, by and large, things, or reasons of that nature are temporary, and don't cause a complete breakup, if the relationship is solid. You work out problems.

If on the other hand, your partner is justifying her interest in another man, or, she has begun to think she may be happier with someone else, or she has just lost that loving feeling and can't be bothered to work on the relationship either by talking, or being honest with herself, and blames YOU for the demise of the union, then that is a different ball of wax.

When you are confronted with anybody who justifies their own bad behaviour, on you, where it does not belong, and where it is not deserved, stop and think about what has happened. Does it really matter that small things you did were mistakes? Who doesn't make mistakes. Does it even matter that you weren't attentive enough, or that you farted during dinner at her parents' house? Those are probably reasons for an argument, but for a breakup?

For whatever reasons she has, or has had, to be cold and distant as Mud said above, and for whatever reasons SHE chose not to work through how she was feeling with you, is anybody's guess. You are not a mindreader, you are not psychic, you aren't anybody's lap dog. Are you?

Have a little more confidence in the positive qualities you brought into the relationship, and realize that had your parter been of better 'quality' as a person, you likely wouldn't have posted the question in the first place.

You can do much better than to have someone treat you this way.

Feelings don't change over night, and if there is not good communication, very likely the dumb things you did this time, is merely a few of dozens or 100's of things done over the last two years that she was not talking about.

I seriously love her so much... I have been working really hard. She's 23, am 28. 5 years difference. 23 year old can't think about what she wants. You know what, she told me that she's young and she find it interesting to have a new boyfriend, I was like what the heck... how can she say this... its really devastating. I have never been unfaithful and I treated her like a queen. Yes, maybe we have accumulative arguments, like why do I smoke because I have asthma. How do I take care of her when I can't take care of myself. She says she very happy with me, as long as its with me, the place doesn't matters. All the money that I spend was with her. And suddenly, just 1 day ago, she ask me if I really plan to marry her and I said yes. I have no idea what she wants now. And you know what, even better, when she said that she had no feelings for me, she said that during our relationship, she also look for other guys with better qualities. What the heck, so why are we together for nearly 2 years. Does she know what she is talking? I have been telling her that I really love her a lot unconditionally, but every time she will ask if I will love her as much as now after 10 years or when she's old. I always thought as long as I treat my love ones truthfully, then they will feel and know about it and appreciate. Now, its like a total opposite...

Hi jake, so do you mean that its most likely the third party? But how can she just give up a relationship that she's says she happy with, and she knows I treat her well, love her a lot? Just for a guy that she barely knows? She gave up her boyfriend just to be with me. And now she do the same to me? Is that a cycle? She know this guy online, and when the guy says wants to meet up with her, she told me and ask me along. I am the one that brought her to see the guy. I thought as long as there is trust, she will appreaciate. OMG...

Hi Fr_Chuck , if that's the case, I have already admitted my mistake. I told her I will change, will she really forgive me and be with me again. We are now in the cool off period. I did contacted her that I know my mistakes and I really love her a lot. How can she just lose feelings completely and in such a short time have crush for others.

And even better, just yesterday we were talking on msn, she asked if I really got plans to marry her, did I calculate the amount that we need. Asked me how am I feeling these few days. I asked her about it, she says she feels bad, guilt and don't feeling loving anymore. She went on holiday yesterday, and till now not a single message, is it because of the cool off period? She's making a mess to my life now, seriously, after 6 days, I am still wondering why a guy that is treating her so good, she can just give up on the relationship. Fyi, she gave up her previous boyfriend to be with me. I love and cherish her so much, as I know she too gave up a lot, really loved me when she was in the relationship with me. She did say that she did not put everything into the relationship, and also say she change before I change and don't love her anymore, what the heck does she wants...

This is not easy to hear, but I am telling you in all honesty, you did not know this young woman as well as you thought you did.

What you did know, was only what she chose to share. For example, you say that all through your relationship, she was looking for better qualities in other men. What a horrible thing for anyone to do to another.

It doesn't matter how you treated her, which I'm sure was very well from what you have said. I don't hear you saying she treated you as well.

You have learned the hard way that she was never into you, as much as you were to her.

Please try to think about accepting that what you have learned now about her, is closer to the truth of who she is, than who you thought she was.

That is a blessing I think. You aren't stuck with her because of finances, or children, etc. you are free now to make choices- for yourself.

Yes guy feelings can change at any time for any reason, and as hard as it is to accept you have to leave her alone and change whatever plans you have ever made with her.

I doubt if its just about you or what you do for her, but how she feels about herself, and what she wants.

Break ups suck, but they happen all the time to everyone, and somebody gets a broken heart. Leave her alone, and give yourself time to accept that the two of you are no longer together.

Make other plans for your life that don't include, or depend on her.

OK, thanks. I think am silly and stupid to trust and love her so much. I always thought what a girl wants is really to have a guy that is faithful and love her unconditionally. But this case have proved me wrong. It hurts so much. I really never expect that our nearly 2 years plus relationship, can't compare to a guy that she barely knows. I can't believe just a few negatives,cannot fill up and replace the happiness and postives, that we had.

You deserve way better than being with someone who always has her options open in case something better comes along. I don't know whether it was a case of her simply not having the same feelings as you, and letting you believe she did, or her being some kind of commitment phobe who doesn't really know what she wants. Either way, you don't need that kind of treatment.

Cut of all contact with this girl, give yourself time to heal, yes I know it will hurt like hell for some time yet. And try to remember that not everyone is like this and one day you can give your heart to someone who will treasure it.

Rooting for you.

"so why are we together for nearly 2 years"

That's the real question you have to ask yourself. Was this right?
Doesn't sound like it to me.

She's not invested & looking elsewhere, she's doesn't want to continue.

"she says she feels bad, guilt and don't feeling loving anymore"

There you go. In black & white. She's out.

"During this cool down period she is super cold towards me"

Don't keep pressing it. Or you will be in for more hurt & coldness. Way worse.
Who wants that?

Time for the next chapter that doesn't include her.

Remove the problem now. Her.

Do your own thing. Your are officially broken up.

Thank you all for the help and ans that you have provided. Its quite clear in my mind now, I will just wait for her to cool off, and see what she's say. So for now I would choose to trust her, and can only hope that she don't betray my trust.

Just got to know recently that? 1 of the main reason for this issue is that I do not have savings and she's feels that there is no future for us as I am not giving her security finically and not dependable...

There you go, those were her feelings not yours, so now you can leave her alone, and get a life, with a bright future, and get a girl who will have love, and FAITH, in you.

Enjoy your freedom, you have many options now.

Just broke up with my girlfriend, but I just miss her so much. She is tired and very very disappointed with my habits of overspending, I admitted my mistakes, and promised to change but she still insists on the breakup. She herself said I treated her so well, and she too felt the pain of giving it up on me and the relationship, but why does she still insists?

She says she has no confidence on carrying on the relationship... and that's the reason.. previously, she told me she had a crush on a guy, but after some time of the cool off period she say she found her feelings back for me and the other guy is just a crush that she is now aware.

But why did she not even give me a chance to prove that I will really changed this time? Can someone tell me what I should do to have her back? I love her so much and the time that we had.

You seem to have a really tough situation. If it's the spending habits that's getting her tipped then you shouldn't def work on that. Ask her if she loves you so much why she won't go back into the relationship, beg her for a chance and keep reminding her how much she means to you and how she's the only one for you. Promise her any fault she doesn't like about you, you will try your very hardest to change and WILL change, just for her.

Tried that done that, but she still say give each other some time, she say she can't just have the confidence back. Anyway do you think there is some other reason? I don't think the spending habits is a strong enough reason to cause a break up when I have already admitted my mistakes and promise that I will change and also how much I love her. Her feelings for me just keep changing, found her feelings for me, not as much as before, love to like, then confuse again, these are what she said herself. And recently, she doesn't even text or call me, just say need some time. I have no idea what she wants

Best thing, she also ever said, she did think of wanting to be back together again, and said its hard for her to lose and give up on me and the relationship but end of the day I celebrated her birthday with her, she still says let us remain as friends first. I text her one last time, telling her of how I feel about her and the willingness to change and also if she manage to find her feelings and confidence back, she has to let me know for the sake of both of us. She said OK. Do you think I did the right thing?

I think there might be some other reason behind it, maybe the other guy he has/had a crush on got her confussed. I'm not one to say if you did the right thing or not. If she loves you she will come back, just keep reassuring her that you love her but don't go over boarding annoying about it. Try to spend time with her but if she tries to walk away from you then give her some space. Follow her most places but not all. I'm sorry my advice isn't the best, I too am going through situations at the moment

No prob, I have never been unfaithful too her, and I dare to say I treat her really well which she herself agree.. but its sad that one negative of mine was enough for her to give up on her feelings and our relationship. And you are right, if she really loves you she will be back. What's unfair is she's not contacting me, she does reply my msn, but cold ~~~~its like I have become an option or just a trash to her.

Dude, step back and give her space as no female likes a puppy who constantly begs for attention.

Give her some space to examine yourself and your behavior since this started. If she misses you, then she cares, if not then you know.