[roxypox]

Well it has been a lot of years since she started to develop the addiction... in my experience her addiction developed, then it situated itself and then she became and addict.

b\c we haven't really dealt with her as a person since I was like 14 or 15, she became like a pseudo version of herself. Its wired really, my grandma told me this yesterday and she expected me to be all like, 'hey cool, mom flushed her pills... I'm going to call and make up with her' and I told my gran that I was not going to call her.. I haven't done anything wrong. She kicked me out of the house for no good reason at all... it was the addict in her that saw a need to protect herself and not a mom needing to protect her children.

I took care of my mom and acted as her mother from the age of 13 until I was 19 and I'm done with it. I have my own life to worry about. I'm really messed up... like really really messed up. I suffer from terrible anxiety and form the age of 11 until I was 22 I suffered from suicidal tendencies and deep depressions. I've been in therapy for 4 years come march and I'm really happy about that... it really has helped and if it hadn't been for the fact that negative stuff keeps happening, I'd be healthy now... not that I don't manage, I do. I've made my own family of sorts... friends and relatives that are there for me and I'm there for them and I have my siblings.

I got really mad at my gran, I really did. I don't owe mom an apology, it's the other way around.

My sister told me 2 weeks ago that a close family friend told my sister this summer that mom has been to rehab once, my dad forced her to. Dad never told us, and it was when I was still living at home (I moved out 6 1\2 years ago) but my mom just lied her way through it. She's an excellent liar! Sadly.

One of the problems is that both my dad and my gran doesn't get that an addict can never heal and kick the addiction through rehab unless they understand the fact that they have a problem. And for mom its all about this; she's fine, we are the once who have a problem.

I can all ready feel my dad slipping away from me and my sister. He doesn't call us and when we call him, even when he's at work.. he doesn't pick up and he doesn't call us back. I think that is what hurts the most. We were ready to stand by him and to support him and now he has chosen her over us. My brother came by earlier today, he still talks to them. Mom didn't kick him out of her life... he told me that mom and dad are planing a trip to egypt in the spring, so I guess dad is staying... he has no back bone at all!

Dad has tried to leave her like 5 times, he tried to leave when my sister was kicked out of the house, but she reals him back in and like a good little dog he stays...

One good thing though... I knew this day was coming, when mom and I would no longer be speaking, we've been here before... I January 2006 I told her that I was sick of her pill popping and that I didn't want to see her or talk to her... so I told her to not call me and to not text me and it took me 1 1\2 years before I talked to her again... and she had a pretty good year in 2007, she was only popping pills like 3 weeks.. july\august...

This time she was the one who pushed me into the cold... and that means that I get to decide the terms, if she wants me back in her life... I want a verbal apology and I want her to go to rehab! And I already know that I will not get any of those two things!

I don't mean to seems so negative about her changing, but she's been an addict for over 13 years and I have stopped believing in her changing.