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confused580 · Mar 29, 2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

You shouldnt worry about what everyone else thinks. Just you. This is for your own good, not there's.

To REMOVE the drama. Dont be influenced by negative crap.

Tell your uncle not to give it away this time....

Thank you vanheart, you always know the right way to put things. I don't know why I was worried about what they think

Kitkat22 · Mar 29, 2010, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by confused580

thank you vanheart, you always know the right way to put things. I dont know why I was worried about what they think

Tell themyou have so many women calling, you couldn't handle it. :D No really ,Tell them kindly it's none of their business.:)

vanheart · Mar 29, 2010, 06:32 PM

Here's something from Byron Katie (thanks, Tao)

1.) There's your business
2.) There's everyone else's business. And then there's
3.) God's business. (whatever higher power you believe in)

The moral here is that only one is under you control.
The first one.

Helps me whenever Im confused, or let BS enter my head.

Kitkat22 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Heres something from Byron Katie (thanks, Tao)

1.) Theres your business
2.) Theres everyone elses business. and then theres
3.) God's business. (whatever higher power you believe in)

The moral here is that only one is under you control.
The first one.

Helps me whenever Im confused, or let BS enter my head.

Remember that! The only one you have to answer to is the good Lord:)

vanheart · Mar 29, 2010, 06:54 PM

Answer to yourself first.
Then you will know what to believe.

Kitkat22 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Answer to yourself first.
Then you will know what to believe.

Very true.. you are the one responsible for your life. It's great when you can look in the mirror and like what you see. So many men get suckered back in by a woman and have to go through the same thing again. You're doing fine.:)

vanheart · Mar 29, 2010, 07:10 PM

Hope you are keeping up w/the sobriety.

That's first. Getting away from another abuser, was a good move.

As changing your number.

You are doing the right things.

Seems like you aunt & uncle are into the drama. If you ex lives so close by, & they know you are hurting, then they should be supportive of you.

So, let them know that.

When I was full on NC, I didn't want to hear, see, whatever person that was connected to her & us. One night I ran into my ex's best friends.

Not sure what I said, something superficial. But it bothered me after.

Then a friend a know here, who was going through similar stuff said "People gossip for 2 seconds, then they are back to their own lives."

Im paraphrasing. But hit me. She was right. Were hurting, spiraling, going through the process & the others we are so worried about, couldn't care less.

The point is the process takes time. Controlling our thoughts & actions.

Kitkat22 · Mar 29, 2010, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Hope you are keeping up w/the sobriety.

Thats first. Getting away from another abuser, was a good move.

As changing your number.

You are doing the right things.

Seems like you aunt & uncle are into the drama. If you ex lives so close by, & they know you are hurting, then they should be supportive of you.

So, let them know that.

When I was full on NC, I didnt want to hear, see, whatever person that was connected to her & us. One night I ran into my ex's best friends.

Not sure what I said, something superficial. But it bothered me after.

Then a friend a know here, who was going through similar stuff said "People gossip for 2 seconds, then they are back to their own lives."

Im paraphrasing. But hit me. She was right. Were hurting, spiraling, going through the process & the others we are so worried about, couldnt care less.

The point is the process takes time. Controlling our thoughts & actions.

Confused.. you hang in there!:)

confused580 · Mar 30, 2010, 05:42 AM

Thank u both, I will hang in there. From what I've heard, she's not bothered by the number change... maybe because of this new person she's involved with... but o well, the change was for me

amicon · Mar 30, 2010, 08:03 AM

The change is most definitely for you-it doesn't matter whether your ex is bothered.

Kitkat22 · Mar 30, 2010, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

The change is most definately for you-it doesnt matter whether or not your ex is bothered.

Tell your pals you don't want to hear anything about her. If you don't you will be right at square one again! Keep being strong and NC. Keep going to your meetings! BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!:)

confused580 · Apr 4, 2010, 05:31 AM

I know this is pointless to ask, but why would an EX unblock you from Facebook all of a sudden?

talaniman · Apr 4, 2010, 06:09 AM

Because she knows you're monitoring her, and wants to draw you in. Females have many ways to confuse, piqué curiosity, and charm you into false hope.

Why does a Venus fly Trap, open its flower?

confused580 · Apr 4, 2010, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Because she knows you're monitoring her, and wants to draw you in. Females have many ways to confuse, pique curiosity, and charm you into false hope.

Why does a Venus fly Trap, open its flower?

You know I thought that, but I'm not monitoring her, I changed my phone number to cut her off... The only way I realized she unblocked me was through her tagging a picture of her and one of our mutual friends

myagony1234 · Apr 4, 2010, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by confused580

You know I thought that, but im not monitoring her, I changed my phone number to cut her off...The only way I realized she unblocked me was thru her tagging a picture of her and one of our mutual friends

OK. You made a very good move for yourself.
Then why does it matter if she block/unblock you on face book? Just ignore it and focus on your own happiness. It is useless to overly analyzing the dead & gone relationship.

confused580 · Apr 4, 2010, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by myagony1234

OK. You made a very good move for yourself.
Then why does it matter if she block/unblock you on face book? Just ignore it and focus on your own happiness. It is useless to overly analyzing the dead & gone relationship.

I know it doesn't matter, I was just asking what your opinion might be... I though about how pointless it was before I asked the question, I was just curious

myagony1234 · Apr 4, 2010, 08:28 AM

Are you still wonder why she did it?
Nobody knows why she did it except her.
In fact, she will not even know why she did it if she was drunk and had blackout.
I am amazed you are keep puzzling over alcoholic & cheating person who does not know what she is doing. I am not try to be rude, but is it really worth it?
Just let it go, and go out an enjoy good weather and your life please. You deserve way much better person. Cheers! :)

Kitkat22 · Apr 4, 2010, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by myagony1234

Are you still wonder why she did it?
Nobody knows why she did it except her.
In fact, she will not even know why she did it if she was drunk and had blackout.
I am amazed you are keep puzzling over alcoholic & cheating person who does not know what she is doing. I am not try to be rude, but is it really worth it?
Just let it go, and go out an enjoy good weather and your life please. You deserve way much better person. Cheers! :)

I have a feeling you are checking up on her. If I'm wrong... Sorry.
What is it about this woman that keeps you clinging to hope? Who in the world would want to be with someone who is to the say the least "troubled"? Do you two have kids together? I might have asked you this before, but I don't think you told me.

Do you have children from another relationship? I'm curious. If your friends keep telling you about her and you keep checking on her Face book. I think it's just a matter of time until you get suckered right back in. I believe that's what you're hoping for

You have made some good steps toward getting your life back together, but yet you still allow what she is doing to affect you. Not Good!

confused580 · Apr 5, 2010, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I have a feeling you are checking up on her. If I'm wrong...Sorry.
What is it about this woman that keeps you clinging to hope? Who in the world would want to be with someone who is to the say the least "troubled"? Do you two have kids together? I might have asked you this before, but I don't think you told me.

Do you have children from another relationship? I'm curious. If your friends keep telling you about her and you keep checking on her Face book., I think it's just a matter of time until you get suckered right back in. I believe that's what you're hoping for

You have made some good steps toward getting your life back together, but yet you still allow what she is doing to affect you. Not Good!

No I don't have children. I wasn't checking up on her, I saw her all of a sudden on a friends wall on Facebook. Interesting she had me blocked all while we were dating, and now she's unblocked me.

I changed my phone number, and I was just wondering if that had anything to do with it. I know I shouldn't care, I was curious

CarrotTalker · Apr 5, 2010, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by confused580

No i dont have children. I wasnt checking up on her, I saw her all of a sudden on a friends wall on facebook. Interesting she had me blocked all while we were dating, and now she's unblocked me.

I changed my phone number, and I was just wondering if that had anything to do with it. I know I shouldnt care, I was curious

No one knows. Likely a coincidence or a mind game on her part. Ignore it.