Alcohol & Cheating.Confused
Hello Everyone,
I am quite new to this site, and had some questions for you if you don't mind answering... My girlfriend typically has a black out when she drinks. She mainly drinks on the weekend. We have been together for 6.5 years.
A few months ago during one of her drinking episodes, I had gone to bed. I woke up around 2am and found her nude touching herself holding her cell phone talking to someone. When I saw this, I yelled "what r u doing"?? She had no clue what was going on. I grabbed the phone and found that she had been talking to this person for 30 minutes. She stated the next morning she didn't know she did that, and must've called the dating hot-line from a commercial she saw on TV, in which they do show those a lot in my area. I forgave this incident because she had been drinking heavily that night.
This past Saturday night, the same thing happened. Only this time, she wasn't talking to anyone. She had passed out from drinking. I had been woken up out of my sleep by my cousin who is a girl, stating that my girlfriend just stripped down in front of her kissing on her and what not. I took my girlfriend in the bedroom and made her go to sleep. During this time, I was awaken to text messages going off all night. She had been texting someone throughout the entire time she had been drinking that night. I checked her phone and a text stated "I want to be inside of you". This person's name she had saved in her phone. Apparently they had been texting back and forth all night when she was drinking.
The next morning, my cousin told my girlfriend the things she did the night before and my girlfriend could not remember it. My cousin then told her, "if that's the case, then STOP the excessive drinking to the point where you are that drunk"..
My girlfriend wanted to know why her phone was off. I told her it was because her alarm kept going off waking me up. She then went through her phone and asked if I had been looking through her phone the previous night. I said no, because I didn't know how to bring up this incident or what to say.. I am the type that does not like Conflict, and also I do not want to lose her if she becomes defensive and crazy if I ask her about those text messages. The person she texted does not live in our state, and it was someone I asked her about in 2007 that she got defensive about and got her own cell phone, as the other cell phone was in my name. More than likely she will say she doesn't remember this drinking episode either. She does not feel that she has a drinking problem
My questions to you is
a). How should I go about this situation?
b). What does it mean to lose your identity in a relationship? I've searched this online, and am unable to find it. I am the type that if I lose someone I start panicking and drinking excessively, and I figured that this is because I've made this person my identity.
Any help would be greatly appreciated