[peekcachu]

I don't know. The only person who does is your girlfriend. Ask her. That was the one thing (among so many other) that I truly appreciated about my ex. his honesty. I was too immature to give that back to him. :(

Be honest and ask her. Best of luck! Thank you for your feedbacks. Best wishes to you and I hope your luck starts to pick up! Good-Night

[kp2171]

Being afraid of losing someone is not proof of love. Doesn't exclude it. Isn't conclusive for it.

Testing to "prove love" is really just seeking comfort in having control that you cannot seem to find within.

[darkdays]

I don't know. The only person who does is your girlfriend. Ask her. That was the one thing (among so many other) that I truely appreciated about my ex., his honesty. I was too immature to give that back to him. :(

Be honest and ask her. Best of luck! Thank you for your feedbacks. Best wishes to you and I hope your luck starts to pick up!! Good-Night

Well was it how you felt about him? That you were too afraid to lose him that you would test him that way? I know Im asking a lot of questions, and I appreciate your answering. You would not believe how long I have wanted to know why she does what she does, and you have finally shed the light I was waiting for. For that, I thank you.

[peekcachu]

Be careful not to misunderstand my reasons and actions as your gf's.
We might do the same things, but have different MOTIVES for doing it. You should ask your girlfriend these questions as well. Get it from her.

Kp2171 is right: testing to "prove love" is really just seeking comfort in having control that you cannot seem to find within.

I did want control and that was wrong.

[darkdays]

Be careful not to misunderstand my reasons and actions as your gf's.
We might do the same things, but have different MOTIVES for doing it. You should ask your gf these questions as well. Get it from her.

Kp2171 is right: testing to "prove love" is really just seeking comfort in having control that you cannot seem to find within.

I did want control and that was wrong.

But apparently you loved him, and felt satisfaction knowing he loved you too when he would struggle to get you back after you treated him that way, correct? And you still do love him, but now miss him because he didn't take the bait the last time, right?

[peekcachu]

Yes.

[darkdays]

Yes.

Now I finally understand why she was doing what she was doing. It all makes so much sense now. I knew there had to be a reason, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I was really getting to the point to where I was starting to believe that all the mean accusations she makes about me were true, and here the whole time it was nothing more than her acting out of her own insecurities. You have no idea how much better I feel now. The confusion is finally gone.
Thank you so much for explaining your situation. You probably never thought it would help someone else. That one question, "why", has finally been answered after all this time. Now I finally got a huge part of my esteem back. Thank you so much for sharing all that.

[kp2171]

Now I finally got a huge part of my esteem back.

so the next question to answer is why did you give it (self-esteem) away...

that's not a judgement. Lord knows most of us have done it, and still do it whether in big chunks or small increments...

but feeling better because she was feeling crappy so she made you feel crappy so she could feel better is more than a bit twisted.

and oh so human.

next trick... stop basing yourself esteem on what others say or do... or even what you feel. Start basing yourself worth on your beliefs and your actions. Find the value in your efforts, and less on the results.

its not easy to do. Our world is results oriented. But the more you focus on acting through your beliefs, the more you are content with the results, whatever they might be... and a content person can be driven, successful, and accomplished. They just don't give others their own personal power.

k.

its 12:42 and I want something chocolate.

[friend4u178]

k.

Its 12:42 and i want something chocolate.

[kp2171]

That

Will

Work

[peekcachu]

UPDATE:

Why do I keep having these setbacks!! I'm so angry at myself. I went and googled his screen name and found him on a dating site. I went to it and read the profile (I signed up for the site). It said he was looking for a like-minded gal. So painful to read. :( WHERE IS MY WILL POWER?! Grrrrrr

It hurt so much when I found him on a dating site. I knew it was a bad idea to find out what he was up too. I've been good for 2 weeks until I slipped and texted him 3 days ago because I was worried about him (terrible storm, he has a car that does not do well in the storm) and wanted to let him know that even though it was none of my business anymore, I still hoped that he travel safely to and from where he needed to go. I got a polite "you too." That was the last contact.

I've been missing him terribly and I blocked him from all of my social network things... and I HAD to go and do this. Why does it hurt so much. I NEED and WANT to move on! Why can't I??

[friend4u178]

Why does it hurt so much.

It's quite normal to hurt , you've lost something that was important to you , a lifestyle and a companion and now you feel you'll never have that again , right?? WRONG , once you get over this you'll have this and more again , but you need to learn from this one and not make the same mistakes again. Really it just takes time.

Why does it hurt so much. I NEED and WANT to move on! Why can't I?!?!

Well while you keep in contact with him (texting etc. ) your just delaying it , and looking at his status on the internet hurts , you've just said it yourself so why do it??

I mean be honest with yourself , Why did you send that text? Not to make sure he was OK but to try and get some sort of reaction , some contact back , and you got it and it wasn't what you were wanting.

So basically the only way to MOVE ON and stop it hurting so much is to STOP contact completely , and that includes looking him up on the Net etc. We can only advice you how it's done , but it's up to you to do it.

[peekcachu]

Thank you for your advice (^_^).

I really was genuionly(spelling?) worried about him. His car is old and when it rains, it does not run good. Before I texted, I prepaired myself for no response. I didn't get a response 2 weeks ago when I texted an upbeat/short/light message about maybe bowling... so I knew that he might not respond and I was o.k. with that. I wanted him to know that I was thinking of him and still cared for him.

It was a setback, but I felt good that I did that. I was honestly worried and I wanted to get it out of my system.

[friend4u178]

I think it's time to start worrying about yourself and not him , he's a big boy , he can look after himself ;)

[darkdays]

Just let the guy be happy now, leave him alone.

[peekcachu]

I'm trying too. I know I can't be selfish, but at the same time, I'm the one for him (silly for me to say, I know).

I had to learn the hard way of why I shouldn't treat the person I love with such disrespect. I think I took the old saying "you treat the ones you love like crap because you know they will always be there for you." I NEVER should have took it literal. (-_-)

[darkdays]

I'm trying too. I know I can't be selfish, but at the same time, I'm the one for him (silly for me to say, I know).

I had to learn the hard way of why I shouldn't treat the person I love with such disrespect. I think I took the old saying "you treat the ones you love like crap because you know they will always be there for you." I NEVER should have took it literal. (-_-)

Turns out that saying isn't so true, now is it.
Im sure you feel bad about how you treated him, but there is only so much anyone can take of having their feelings mistreated. You say you're the one for him, but when you were with him, you were not proving that you were. The one for him would be someone who would never play those games with him.
My on and off girlfriend will say the same thing when it's too late. She'll also say things like "nobody in this world loves you but me". But isn't saying things like that a bit manipulating? I've had enemies that have treated me better. Although I still love her, what she showed was not love, but control.
Are you sure that you really love this guy? Or is it that you lost control of him and now you want it back? Let's say that you would get him back. And he trusted you all over again. What then? Once you have what you want, as you did before, maybe you'll end up doing the same thing all over now that you have accomplished getting him back. My girlfriend did that. And I even asked her when she wanted to break it off again, why did she want me back only to do the same thing again. And she said, just to see if she could get me back. The way I feel about it, once you get what you want, you might not want it anymore, and then you put this poor guy who only wanted love and companionship through misery all over again.
At this moment, he's not going through that. He got himself through it, and it was probably hard to do. Why not just leave him be and not take the risk of hurting him all over again.

[peekcachu]

She'll also say things like "nobody in this world loves you but me"

I would never say that to him! My ex. Was a very social and caring person. I would tease him by saying that he will probably not miss (silly things I did) me if we broke up because he has so many company.

[peekcachu]

I want him to be happy. But at the same time, I want him to be happy with me. I want to make him happy.

But, I understand what you are saying darkdays.

[kp2171]

I want him to be happy. But at the same time, I want him to be happy with me.

This reminds me of a talk I had with an ex recently. I've always liked strong women who were perhaps more aggressive than others. Confidence is just sexy as sin. Unfortunately, the same naughtiness that's a turn on directed at me is a big problem when it goes into another bedroom.

After the blowup. The breakup. The hurt and heartache. We finally found some safe ground where we could talk about the past in a friendly way and I lamented

"damn it. i like naughty girls. i just want them to only be that way with me"...

She just smiled and said nothing. It was actually a kind of funny moment. Probably had to be there...