[peekcachu]

Threads merged

Fair warning: please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

Background info: dated my ex for about 3 years (3 this March). We broke up many times due to me being childish and playing games. I would say one thing and mean another. I also would get angry at the littlest things. I recognized my faults and sought professional help... but I'm not improving too much. My ex broke up with me a month ago for the first time. Its always been me who initiated the break ups (we had about 5 in 3 years, longest one was 1 month). I kept breaking up because I thought that I could always win him back. Now, I realize that he is completely done with me. I called and texted and he response with "I'm sorry. I can not."
I know I got us to this end. I blame myself. Now, I see him out and about with friends and girls and is doing o.k. while I'm trying to just get through the day without crying. I know I have to focus on myself and make myself happy, but I can't get over the idea that if I wait a month or two months, he will give me another chance. This is not healthy and I want to stop thinking this way.
Has anyone gone through this? Where you were the one who caused the break and realize that you should get over it and not live in the past.

[BWK10]

All I will say is, everyone will always have that false hope for awhile. I still have it.

[peekcachu]

BWK10: How long ago was your break-up?

[friend4u178]

He seems fine with it because he'd thought about it for a while before the breakup , so his emotional turmoil has been dealt with and he's probably fine now which is generally the case for the Dumper.

"How do you deal with the False Hope"?

You accept that it's over and get on with the healing process , read the stickies at the top of the forum for some great articles on how to do this. Then once you've healed (and it doesn't happen overnight) you'll be in a far better place to decide if your really right for each other if he ever does come back , but I wouldn't be holding my breath on that happening.

Good Luck!

[dynocompe]

You guys have just been going through a vicious circle! Its time to end the circle, the relationship wasn't going anywhere! You will be much happier with someone else with a fresh start.
Good luck

[peekcachu]

I understand your feedback dynocompe. But right now, my heart is so focused on my ex. I keep remembering the good times we had and also, of course, the bad times I often start. I want him to give me another chance so badly that I'm starting to not be myself anymore. He makes me want to be a better person(in a relationship).

[Wondergirl]

Stop giving your ex all this power to control your feelings and your life. He said he won't be back. There is nothing you can do to force him to come back. And would you want him back if he was forced? I think not.

Learn from this experience, and move forward.

[BWK10]

Just to offer my "advice" having gone through this recently, only a month ago today. I know how your feeling, however... I think its time to let this one go. Begin your healing, he isn't coming back like he said, my ex said the same thing to me... I never even asked for her back, another chance.

It's a difficult thing to accept, I still have false hope she will come back too... she was my first true, true, true love. She even texted me a few days ago, saying "Hey" and immediately I thought she wanted to tell me something, like she hesitated, never said much and that was it.

Go into no contact right away, I know its difficult and you'll think about him a lot. The first week is most difficult, I cried all the time... the thought of not having her in my life anymore was terrible. Days, weeks go by... it gets easier, everyday I miss her less and less.

Again, thinking about past times... nothing wrong with it in my opinion. You remember good times you had together, why forget times when/where you were actually happy? One specific time I personally remember from my relationship is remembering the times I would be at the door waiting for her, seeing the smile come across her face every time.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Peek,

No, I have not been the one to initiate the break up and make up, however, I have had a man do that to me... Many times throughout our relationship. It's like "the boy who cried wolf". After a while,it gets old, and when I was in that situation, I was the one who had ended it once and for all! This man that you speak of most likely grew tired and immune to all of these breaking and making ups...

It is good that you own up and see that it is a problem for you. I think that you may need to work on YOURSELF first before you even try to have a relationship. I'm not saying that this is the end of your ex. I am just sayng, really try and find out why it is that you do this, because there really shouldn't be any of that going on in a relationship. A good relationship consists of trust, communication, and making the other person feel special! Not saying hurtful things and breaking up with them when ever the going gets tough.


As far as False hope, well, all I can say is if he is moving on then maybe it is time for you to move on as well. Focus on YOURSELF!

I wish you luck!

[peekcachu]

Wondergirl:
I want to move on. I really do. I hate feeling like this. I want to make things right with him. I truly love him and realize how wrong I was to treat him that way. I want to use my realization with him and no one else.

[talaniman]

He makes me want to be a better person(in a relationship).

Obviously he didn't, which is why you got dumped. Maybe its time you forget about the relationship, and started making yourself better, just because you need to.

[BWK10]

Yeah, you have to understand he said he's not coming back. Accept it, it's hard... I KNOW. I still love and miss my ex dearly, but she isn't coming back.

[peekcachu]

Would you ever give this man, your ex, another chance if you saw that he really loved you and was trying to change how he treated you?

[Enigma1999]

Hello again Peek,

I did give my ex a chance, EIGHT chances, which is why I ended it once and for all!

[BWK10]

If my ex wanted to try again, without hesitation I would. Two strikes your out, not three.

[talaniman]

After getting dumped by you so many times, and having to put up with your crap, I would never take you back. So do your changes to be a better person.

[amicon]

Change for yourself,not to get somebody back.

And change you need to do,its not surprising that he finally gave up on you,having been dumped so many times.

Good luck.

[peekcachu]

Me again. I slipped and broke the NC rule. Its been a full week since I last contacted my ex. (last Sunday, after seeing a picture of him holding another girl). I know I'm asking for hurt. He has made it clear that it is over. I want to accept this.

I am trying to keep myself busy. I'm not sitting at home on the computer. But I'm still having a hard time with this. I want him to be happy and respect his wishes, but I still want to know how he is doing and if he is missing me (not healthy, I know). I get really hurt when I see him with other girls. Its only been a month since he broke up with me... but I guess, HE broke up with me, so its not that soon for him.

I want to get better and out of this rut of jealously and not letting go and accepting the situation. It should no longer be my concern... but I can't help it. I've blocked and deactivated my social network accounts that Sunday. I want to feel better. And I'm not...

[talaniman]

Its very hard, we all know that, but you have to stick with it. Not for him, for you.

[amicon]

Start making plans for your summer programme-it sounds really exciting!

Other than that,keep busy,stop trying to find out what he is up to-one day at the time.

Stay NC,it works.

Take care.