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liz28 · May 6, 2009, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

As we know, Plan B only works within 72 hours of intercourse. If she already saw the baby on a scan it's too late for plan b.

I know that but I was just trying to figure out what pills she was talking about because at first I thought she was talking about her birth control pills.

However, the OP came back and inform us what pills she were talking about.

Unhappy74 · May 6, 2009, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

That's what I was asking....what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

I am 6 weeks. I know the facts about the pills.

I didn't want to kill my baby, but I didn't see any alternative. I know all about adoptions etc. But would never be able to give my child up if I had carried it to term, and especially since Ive been wanting a child for a long time. I know that abortion is not a form of contraceptive. Just so you know I am not a teenager that doesn't know the consequences of her actions. Im an Adult, that was in a huge uncertain state of keeping the baby and doing what seemed like the right decision for us and the baby.

Triysle · May 6, 2009, 10:43 PM

At this point, you can only control your own actions and emotions right now. If you want the kid, keep the kid. But don't think that your man is going to feel a certain way or the other. He may end up loving the kid, but that doesn't mean he'll still love you.

Not trying to sound mean, just throwing out the facts here.

~ Tee

Gemini54 · May 6, 2009, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

That's what I was asking....what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

Sorry have I missed something? Where in the OP's question does it says he's selfish?

I'm not trying to be rude, but the OP states that she loves him and that they have had a troubled relationship. He's said, according to her, that he believes "we aren't settled enough to bring a child into our relationship, that he doesnt want to be trapped".

I think that this seems a reasonable response from him given the troubled circumstances and the fact that they have only been together for a year.

I can understand her concern and pain, particularly if she's wanted a child for a while, but I'm unclear how his response makes him selfish.

Triysle · May 6, 2009, 11:14 PM

I think people consider him selfish because he was willing to have sex with this girl, but not accept the responsibility of taking care of a child if she got pregnant.

I know that there are so many contraceptives out there that people feel completely safe having sex, but even when my ex was on the patch I still used condoms. Maybe it didn't feel as good, but it was a lot less risky.

Even then, you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you plan on making a relationship work with them (unless you're still in the "one-night stand" phase). It's one thing to have fun, but all it takes is TWO little cells to start a pregnancy.

~ Tee

talaniman · May 7, 2009, 07:33 AM

One mistake can be rectified, twice is a disaster. To not learn from these episodes, is inexcusable. Its clear he doesn't WANT to add to his responsibilities, but you're the one suffering the consequences.

Naw, you should not be taking all the consequence for what your both doing. Where is his burden in this? Is he a better man for it??

Fuzzball_Kara · May 7, 2009, 07:41 AM

Well, even if you can't have the baby you can always put it up for adoption. If you want the baby and you can give it love and support that it needs, why are you letting him tell you what you can't do.

Abortion can affect your body and make it harder to conceive babies later as well as cause complications to your body during pregnancies and during non pregnancies.

It's your choice- not his

cjeep23 · May 7, 2009, 08:07 AM

Here is an idea... You should be using some form of birth control then you wouldn't end up pregnant. Rather than keep having abortions and taking a life away from this world use some birth control! Also, the decision to keep the baby should be mostly up to you. You're the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months and suffer through the pain of child birth. Just because your man isn't on bored doesn't mean you can't keep it. Because if you say that you want to keep it and he is totally against your wishes, he doesn't sound like much of a man anyway!

If you don't like my answers, tough deal with it!

Triysle · May 7, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by cjeep23

Here is an idea....You should be using some form of birth control then you wouldn't end up pregnant. Rather than keep having abortions and taking a life away from this world use some birth control! Also, the decision to keep the baby should be mostly up to you. Your the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months and suffer through the pain of child birth. Just because your man isn't on bored doesn't mean you can't keep it. because if you say that you wanna keep it and he is totally against your wishes, he doesn't sound like much of a man anyway!

If you don't like my answers, tough deal with it!

She was on the pill, be sure to read the entire thread before jumping to conclusions ;)

~ Tee

Romefalls19 · May 7, 2009, 08:22 AM

I agree, I know she was on the pill but that any doctor you talk to will tell you that you should use another form of birth control as well, most recommend a condom.

cjeep23 · May 7, 2009, 08:30 AM

She was on the pill, be sure to read the entire thread before jumping to conclusions

That may be, but I'm sorry unless you are neglecting to take the pill it like you should, it is 99.9% effective. And they should be using some other form of birth control as well!

Unhappy74 · May 7, 2009, 10:13 PM

Thank you all for your comments.

For all the people, going on about birth control and abortion not being a form of birth control. I didn't come on here to get the advice on this as I already know all of the effects and effectiveness of birth control and abortion.
I came here, because I'm needing advice as to what to do from here.
Yes I didn't want to go through with the abortion, but it was a decision that was made and I have to live with it, the guilt and regret as well as deal with the pain of the process itself.

artlady · May 7, 2009, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by Unhappy74

Thank you all for your comments.

For all the people, going on about birth control and abortion not being a form of birth control. I didnt come on here to get the advice on this as I already know all of the effects and effectiveness of birth control and abortion.
I came here, because I'm needing advice as to what to do from here.
Yes I didnt want to go through with the abortion, but it was a decision that was made and I have to live with it, the guilt and regret as well as deal with the pain of the process itself.

For many women the emotional trauma of abortion is overlooked.
I have known women to have a child they were not prepared for simply because of the guilt of a previous abortion.
As my friends here have mentioned,I think some counseling would be in your best interest.

I believe planned parenthood can help you to resolve some of the issues you are facing.

If you are continuing to get pregnant on the pill,perhaps you need a different type or a higher dosage.I would speak to your GYN. About this.
Good luck!

wings2fly · May 8, 2009, 08:56 AM

I think what she is saying is that she took part of the abortion pill...

Please let me know how your doing.. my heart goes out to you...

Unhappy74 · May 12, 2009, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by wings2fly

I think what she is saying is that she took part of the abortion pill...

Please let me know how your doing..my heart goes out to you...

Physically I am fine, but emotionally I'm a mess.
As for the relationship, he is wanting to take some thinking space.
To figure out where we headed. And what our future holds.

talaniman · May 12, 2009, 07:35 AM

I received my pills and have taken the first pill, but I'm regretting it now. I don't want to terminate this pregnancy. I want this child. I can't stop crying. I hate myself for doing this. Please help me deal with what Ive done

Its got to be tough, wanting something so bad, and not being able to have it, and its made so much worse, because he is not as supportive, or understanding, as he should be, seeing your really doing it for him. Thats so sad.

Give him plenty of space, and seek, or build, your own support system.

You need time for your soul to heal, to re evaluate this fellow, to see if he is really worth the pain he puts you thru, and for sure, don't ever do anything to get pregnant by him ever again.

kirriky · May 12, 2009, 08:51 AM

He wants "thinking space" when you are in a mess and need all support he can give?

Sorry, this man doesn't look right to me.

And about birth control, after the pill failed for the first time, it never came to his mind that maybe he should wear a condom for more protection? Why did he take no responsibility for contraception? Does it not concern him? I don't think this man is too considerate.

I know it's a tough time for you now but I think you need to dump this man. He's not offering you much support or bringing you any real happiness anyway, is he?

Unhappy74 · May 13, 2009, 01:32 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its got to be tough, wanting something so bad, and not being able to have it, and its made so much worse, because he is not as supportive, or understanding, as he should be, seeing your really doing it for him. Thats so sad.

Give him plenty of space, and seek, or build, your own support system.

You need time for your soul to heal, to re evaluate this fellow, to see if he is really worth the pain he puts you thru, and for sure, don't ever do anything to get pregnant by him ever again.

Its extremely difficult, to just give him plenty of space, as we work together very closely.
Our daily lives are spent in close working conditions. We constantly have to talk for work purposes, so the standard ideals of giving space are impossible.
My heart breaks walking into my office, I crave to hear his voice on the phone, and wait for him to come into the office. Im dying inside emotionally. I know what I want, and where I want to be, and who I want to be with. I'm having to do this, for him, to see that our future is together.

talaniman · May 13, 2009, 06:20 AM

I'm having to do this, for him, to see that our future is together.

His actions say he doesn't want what you want. Considering what you have endured, seems you have proved to him your own commitment, but his reaction is not one of appreciating it. Let alone acknowledging it.

This isn't healthy, as your hardly happy with the way things are going and have gone. So whether you work together, or not, you must evaluate the facts of this situation, that your willing to put yourself thru hell, for someone who is not willing to do the same.

Sorry dear that's not love. That's you wanting, and him having. You doing the work, and him enjoying the fruits. That's not healthy, and it will only continue to cause you misery and pain, and having to deal with it without him.

Put yourself, and your own needs before his, for a change, bet you will be much happier.