Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship

Relationship - Abortion

Ive been with a lovely man for over a year now, and last year I found out I was pregnant, it was too soon in our relationship and things were very complicated, we discussed it and decided that it would be best for both of us, if we terminated. Which we did.
Our relationship blossemed, and then Dec last year everything started to fall apart. Items of my past came out to haunt me and my Man and I have been fighting to keep us together since then. Times have been extremely tough, and on numerous occasions we have ended it but have always stayed together, because neither one of us, really wants to end the relationship. He is trying to deal with my past, and have the relationship we wanted. But it has been very difficult. Just recently, things had started settling down, where we were not fighting anymore, and were starting to re-build the trust and relationship we had. Well I fell pregnant again, and I have been wanting to keep it, I have been wanting this child more than anything. I told him this, we discussed it and he told me that we aren't settled enough to bring a child into our relationship, that he doesn't want to be trapped. That we will have a child together, just not now. One that has been planned for. My abortion was scheduled for today, and Ive been changing my mind continuously as to what the right decision is. I decided last night that I wanted to keep the baby.
We went to the clinic today, and I had the scan, I couldn't believe I was going through with this. I received my pills and have taken the first pill, but Im regretting it now. I don't want to terminate this pregnancy. I want this child. I can't stop crying. I hate myself for doing this. Please help me deal with what Ive done

You and your man are on totally different wave lengths, you want to take it to the next level, he doesn't. You have to make a choice on what you want to do, if you are constantly fighting to keep the relationship together, what fun is that relationship then?

I might get SLAMMED for this comment but here it goes..

Abortion is not a type of birth control, please use a condom or the pill.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Abortion is not a type of birth control, please use a condom or the pill.

You right - you will get slammed, I am on the pill!

The pill isn't always effective, which is why when taking it they still advise you to use another type of birth control. I've been to the clinics and heard it all before. Certain medications or forgetting the pill one day can cause it to be ineffective. I won't divulge into moral issues because it's your choice but everyone else on here knows my stance on abortion.

Hello Unhappy,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. But, even though abortion isn't a method of birth control, I think you are doing what you need to do right now. Because your relationship has too many ups and downs, it really isn't fair to bring a child into it to hope things will get better because a new baby is now in the picture. Work on yourselves and the relationship, and then work on having a baby if the time is right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy74

You right - you will get slammed, I am on the pill!

You are on the birth control pill? Still taking it while pregnant?

You need to talk to a counselor asap. Most abortions clinic have one. If you don't want to have an abortion there are other options which is adoption.

It's your body so if you decide to keep the baby know that you might be a single mother but you can collect child support from him but you can't make him be part of the child life.

It time for you to start thinking and weighting out all the pro and cons of the choices you have and you need to do it now because the clock is ticking.

Please don't take no more birth control pills while your pregnant. They won't help now because your pregnant and it might can harm the baby.

This guy your dating isn't a man at all. I am sure the two of you wasn't using a condom every time the two of you had sex because you was on the pill. Well sex=babies and if he doesn't want any kids he shouldn't be having sex and he shouldn't be trying to force you to get an abortion.

I just hope you see a counselor to weight out all your options.

Keep the baby, lose the boyfriend.

God desires not the death of a sinner but rather that he or she may have a change of heart and turn from his or her sins, turn to Him and He'll direct you in all things. Keep the child, many are the couples out there who would give anything to have a child of their own. It's a treasure you've got in your hands , don't ever let it go

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

You are on the birth control pill? Still taking it while pregnant?

Im not taking it now, I was taking it up until I found out I was pregnant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy74

Im not taking it now, I was taking it up until I found out I was pregnant.

Thank you for clearing that up. I did not quite understand.

Now, can you live with killing another fetus for the selfishness of this so-called boyfriend?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Keep the baby, lose the boyfriend.

As I said in my original post, I have already taken the first of the pills to start the process. So I think its too late to keep the baby.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy74

As I said in my original post, I have already taken the first of the pills to start the process. So I think its too late to keep the baby.

That's what I was asking... what pills? How far along are you?

You do realize that taking these "pills" is not always 100% effective and can even result in birth defects don't you?

Why in the world would you want to kill a SECOND innocent child for such a selfish man?

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

Mifepristone and misoprostol - Abortion pills
Taken the first one the others to be taken on Friday

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Are you taking about plan b?

You really need to be more clearer?

As we know, Plan B only works within 72 hours of intercourse. If she already saw the baby on a scan it's too late for plan b.

Personally I'm a HUGE supporter of Plan A. Which is, if you think your ready for sex, then you are ready for the consequences. Someone mentioned it earlier, there is always adoption and that doesn't involve killing anything.

You need to lose the boyfriend as Tal said.

Abortion is a very personal (and difficult) decision and this has been a long road for you.

It's time to leave this guy in the past as he's been a great source of pain for you.

EDIT: I also think from this point on you need to focus more on making better decisions for yourself not trying to please a man. Also, as Liz pointed out, take advantage of the counseling at the clinic where you got the pills.

The unfortunate circumstance of the OP is that she said she DID take half of the abortion pill dosage. It's already a fact.

As much as I am in agreement with Rome that there are alternate ways to deal with an "oops", and that the OP shouldn't terminate another baby simply because of a selfish boyfriend... she has already done something that is irreversible. Either with the termination of a baby, or permanent birth defects in the baby.

The thing we should be addressing is the relationship.

This man is toxic. He's convinced you that you are not fit to take care of a child... no... two children.

He is NOT a good person. He is being selfish with YOUR body.

No matter how this turns out - you need to get rid of this person. He should have been supportive of YOUR decision and backed you up in your desire to have this child.

Exactly right Historian, they simply aren't on the same page. She needs to leave this guy as he isn't a man at all. She deserves someone who wants the same things as she does.