Check out some similar questions!

confused580 · Mar 3, 2010, 11:38 PM

Just small things, like if I said I was on my way over and I was 2o minutes away, I would say like 5 minutes away

vanheart · Mar 3, 2010, 11:39 PM

Im out guys, later...

confused580 · Mar 3, 2010, 11:40 PM

Kitkat, why are you getting into that?

Kitkat22 · Mar 3, 2010, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

I never said that.

Just am gathering that you dont really want to take any responsibility, then or now.

Theres no blame here on you or her.

Maybe you should look at why you getting your feathers in a ruffle.

While you are on NC. Start studying yourself.

Good post Vanheart. I'm going to get some cigerettes. Goodnight!

confused580 · Mar 3, 2010, 11:42 PM

Kitkatt, are you saying I lied about something else?? I just told you

Kitkat22 · Mar 4, 2010, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by confused580

Kitkatt, r u saying i lied about something else?!?! I just told you

I don't know you so I don't know if you have lied or not! What I do know is a thirty year old man should know when to move on! You say you are, but in a few of your post you have mentioned how many hours and days it's been since you last saw her and you keep bringing up the trashy texts. You didn't answer my question about how much the alcohol affected your relationship. I asked have you ever gotten drunk and became verbally or physically abusive. You didn't answer. Look I'm not being a smart alec but there are always two side to every story.

confused580 · Mar 4, 2010, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I don't know you so I don't know if you have lied or not! What I do know is a thirty year old man should know when to move on! You say you are, but in a few of your post you have mentioned how many hours and days it's been since you last saw her and you keep bringing up the trashy texts. You didn't answer my question about how much the alcohol affected your relationship. I asked have you ever gotten drunk and became verbally or physically abusive. You didn't answer. Look I'm not being a smart alec but there are always two side to every story.

Yeah I agree, yes alcohol was a MAJOR factor, I slowed down quite a bit, she didn't, and it was like now that I slowed down, I looked at things from a different angle. Yes, I have went off on her when I was drinking. We would always get into heated arguments when drinking We both are to blame for that. Im not saying that I am blameless. I just know that this situation regarding texting, I'm blameless. But this relationship should have been left a long time ago. Hindsight 20/20. I believe it was a mix of alcohol and incompatibility

Kitkat22 · Mar 4, 2010, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by confused580

Yeah I agree, yes alcohol was a MAJOR factor, I slowed down quite a bit, she didn't, and it was like now that I slowed down, i looked at things from a different angle. Yes, I have went off on her when I was drinking. We would always get into heated arguments when drinking We both are to blame for that. Im not saying that I am blameless. I just know that this situation regarding texting, im blameless. But this relationship should have been left a long time ago. Hindsight 20/20. I believe it was a mix of alcohol and incompatability

Good! Now that you admit you were part of the problem at least you are being truthful you are admitting there were problems long before the texts. I think you still have deep feelings for this woman. After the years you two have been together that's normal..

Now be thankful there were no children from your union with her. Children suffer the most when parents drink and fight.
If you still have a problem with alcohol, please get help. I think you are very brave for seeking help. You will meet a nice woman someday and when you do you don't want to go into a good relaintionship with ugly
Baggage from another. Blessings:):)

confused580 · Mar 4, 2010, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good! Now that you admit you were part of the problem at least you are being truthful you are admitting there were problems long before the texts. I think you still have deep feelings for this woman. After the years you two have been together that's normal..

Now be thankful there were no children from your union with her. Children suffer the most when parents drink and fight.
If you still have a problem with alcohol, please get help. I think you are very brave for seeking help. You will meet a nice woman someday and when you do you don't want to go into a good relaintionship with ugly
baggage from another. Blessings:):)

Thank you that advice really helps :)

Kitkat22 · Mar 4, 2010, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by confused580

Thank you that advice really helps :)

I hope I helped you. I can be very blunt at times but I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But as the old saying goes, "Plain words are easily understood". Good luck confused.

vanheart · Mar 4, 2010, 07:18 PM

Just make sure, that you understand what clarity & responsibility is about.

Both physically and emotionally.

Don't just write this lesson off.

Hope you are not confused anymore.

Kitkat22 · Mar 4, 2010, 07:30 PM

Stick to it!

confused580 · Mar 4, 2010, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Just make sure, that you understand what clarity & responsibility is about.

Both physically and emotionally.

Dont just write this lesson off.

Hope you are not confused anymore.

Vanheart, can you give some examples of what you mean by clarity and responsibility both physically and emotionally, just so I don't take baggage with me to the next

confused580 · Mar 4, 2010, 08:05 PM

Never mind, I just got that meaning/understanding

vanheart · Mar 4, 2010, 08:09 PM

Alcohol and anything else that affects our ability to ration. That's the physical thing. We already know that was an issue. Physical clarity. Cloudiness.

But those things are fueled by underlying issues. Emotional clarity. (Why)
Basically who am I. What else do I need to consider? History, family, friends, past relationships, basically everything up until you are reading this.

Some research about Confused180...

That's the responsibility part.

Hope that answered your question.

confused580 · Mar 9, 2010, 07:14 PM

Thank you for all your input, I really take it to heart and am going to incorporate it.

I feels odd, the first 7 days I was completely over it, was no contact etc, and didn't care.

Now I'm on day 14 and instead of it getting easier, I find myself getting the urge to contact her... although I'm not. It's odd because for the first 10 days, the urge did not exist at ALL! I thought this urge usually happens during the first week or so, not this many days into it.

Any advice or past experiences?

vanheart · Mar 9, 2010, 07:22 PM

Those urges are different for everyone.
Just stay on track. The busier you keep yourself, the easier it is.

The reality for most of us is there is/was no reason to.

You will be glad later that you didn't.
It may prove some inner strength that you didn't know you had.
Strength you can use later.

Kitkat22 · Mar 9, 2010, 07:30 PM

Take the advice of the people on this forum. It will get better.

vanheart · Mar 9, 2010, 07:42 PM

Keep a journal.

I wrote lots of notes to myself during my breakup.

About her, about myself. Did some serious digging & soul searching.

I looked at it as a creative project to heal.

Helped immensely.

Kitkat22 · Mar 9, 2010, 07:49 PM

Don't listen to the songs that remind you of her..

Don't go to places where you might run into her

Don't ask mutual friends about her

Don't get drunk and call her

Start working out or running

Don't drive by her place at anytime