[derwon25]

Hi,
Here's my situation:
A friend I made during my school days like around 10 years back and on-and-off we've been in touch. His personality if I describe is kind-of dull and boring as in no sense of humour (or maybe his sense of humour surpasses my understandings so maybe I don't get it :P), as such he is not a good conversationalist, he is miser, between the 2 of us I don't get what he says or his jokes and vice versa. He is very very interfering and keeps on poking me knowing clearly and seeing that I'm ignoring him. And I feel he is stupid (or doesn't apply his brains not even normally let alone to the fullest) owing to which even if at times I share any joke or ask for any advise when I am upset I first should be prepared to elaborate what I mean by that question/joke which in itself if so annoying in that situation. People have asked me that then how did you guys become friends then, and honestly I don't have an answer to that question. Honestly, I don't.

At this point in time, I'm so annoyed by him that literally I am not giving a care about what he is texting me nor do I ever reply but still everyday he keeps texting me. I guess, this itself shows his stupidity. He is showing me that he is stupid not to understand that if a person is not responding, give her sometime and space and maybe when the time is right she will call you/revert. Huh!! How tough is it to understand. Anyway, secondly he is showing me that he has no self-respect for himself.

Now, since I've known him for 10 odd years, I don't want to end anything abruptly or block him or insult him by telling him to stop texting me, you are pissing me off more and more everyday with your messages. But really, I am not understanding how to deal with him? Can you please advice?

Thanks,
Pragya

[talaniman]

It's really simple but first you must answer the question of why you even bother with someone you have so many issues with, and frankly don't seem to like very much. When you can honestly answer this question for yourself then you can honestly deal with this person more effectively.

We often tolerate people in our lives, but keep them at a distance, or less of a priority to interact with, and limit those interactions, so maybe adjust your expectations of what you want him to be, and accept him as he is, and deal with him accordingly.

I mean is it his fault he is just a sometime social acquaintance, and not a loyal, trusted, close, understanding confidant? Is it his fault he isn't the shoulder to lean on in tough emotional times? Maybe you have tried to make him these things, and he just cannot be that, but that doesn't make him stupid does it? At least not by himself at the very least.

Now, since I've known him for 10 odd years, I don't want to end anything abruptly or block him or insult him by telling him to stop texting me, you are pissing me off more and more everyday with your messages. But really, I am not understanding how to deal with him? Can you please advice?

If you cannot express yourself honestly AND respectfully, then you were no friend to begin with. A friend would say leave me alone for a while please, I'm upset, wouldn't they? I think you should recognize your own shortcomings in this relationship before you blame it all on his stupidity, and lack of self respect.

[derwon25]

Thank you for the revert, I guess I knew the answer and you helped me to recognize it. I just texted him and requested to not message/call me for somedays, cause I need sometime and will get back to him (and not ask me if he is not able to understand the meaning of what I said :P, cause that often happens and right now I can't explain this with more simplicity). Thanks :)