[confusedguy1234]

Hi

Let me introduce myself and my situation. I am in my early 20s and moved away from home, from my parents and my friends for a new dream job. I moved about 1 and half hours drive away from home.

I met my girlfriend through the company I joined, she worked at a different site and was about 3 hours drive away. We became friends and then a few months later we decided that we were attracted to each other more and got together. We were a long distance relationship and she ended up coming up nearly every weekend. I found this period really tough, I missed her like crazy during the week when I was on my own. I cried at her because of how sad I was every time she left. She also got upset.

We decided that we needed to make things more permanent and we decided she would move up to be with me. She looked for a new job and got one. Left her job and moved up with me and started the new job. We found a lovely home near to where we both worked and made it our own.

She doesn't get on well with her family at all, they have different views than she does and they have never really been the best of friends. This was one of her drivers for moving away from where she lived. Her family have religious views which would mean they would not agree with us living together so I am not sure if her whole family are aware that we actually live together. This is one of the reasons she doesn't think its right anymore.

She has become increasingly home sick over the past weeks including nightmares about her family. She sat me down and told me she isn't sure weather she wants to stay living with me or even being with me and may want to move back home. I didn't handle this ideally well and got a bit mad and then upset with her. She now says she thinks its more likely she'll want to go rather than stay. Her new job isn't as good as the one she had before, she is sometimes bored at work.

She is going back home this weekend to see her family and take stock of everything and I think she'll know what to do when she comes back. There could be so many good things on the horizon here with us in 2014. There could be an opening in the next few weeks which is she is near on certain to get at the company she used to work for, basically the same job she did where she used to live but working up here. She would have all expenses paid trips down to the office she used to work at to have meetings with her boss once a month and these would include weekend trips to see her family. She just doesn't see it.

I just don't know what to do, I really love her, so so much and want her to stay but I also want her to be happy. I get about her missing her family, I miss mine but she could go and see them every month for weekends and stuff. I was reading texts and stuff from her from when we were in the LDR stage and we were just so good, so in love and so soppy. We were like this when we moved as well, she has made me cards since she moved which are really soppy. I just don't know what could have changed it.

I am scared of the future and so insecure of the future now, I don't have really any proper friends here, only my work friends who all have lives so I fear I will be totally alone if she leaves and I may end up leaving a job I've wanted most of my adult life to go back to live with my family and friends.

What should I do? Is there anything I can do to try and change her mind and make her see that there is so much good here?

[Jake2008]

How long have you actually been girlfriend/boyfriend?

Most of the time, in the early stages of a relationship, many changes take place. The initial euphoria begins to wane, and reality sets in. That reality is what you have (usually) left behind, or given up, in order to be with someone you really don't know very well. I am assuming this about your girlfriend.

Even so, had things worked out for even a couple of years, there would be no way of telling how long the relationship would have lasted. That is how relationships go, and more times than not, one party or the other makes the call, and there is no turning back.

It sounds like you essentially gave up your entire life, and centered every breath around your girlfriend, and there will be a huge void when she is gone.

Did you ever think... 'what if?' And when you took your dream job, did you anticipate that it would take time and effort to find new friends and new activities? In other words, you need to build your own life. I can see including a new girlfriend in your new life, but not having a life, then adding a girlfriend, puts far too much of your life out of balance.

My advice to you is to bite the bullet, be very grateful that you have your dream job- which may never happen again in your lifetime- and make your way, on your own. Don't rely on anyone, or anything, in order to make yourself happy and secure, except yourself. Friends will come if you let them in, and do things that involve other people.

I don't think you took advantage of those opportunities because you were blinded by how you felt about your girlfriend. No relationship should be that exclusionary, no matter what.

[talaniman]

The challenge before you my young, romantic, emotional friend is to deal with reality and build a life that you enjoy with new friends and activities that make you happy with out this female. You have your dream job, enjoy it. As you have enjoyed your time with this lady. It was a good time so don't panic. Just keep making your dreams come true and someone will want to share it with you.

Right now, she doesn't. Focus on your own dreams and let her focus on her own. I know, disappointing, frustrating, confusing right now and hurts for sure, but those feelings will pass. Deal with them by staying on the path your dreams take you.

It won't be easy but you took a chance before and succeeded. This is no different.