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axdwdrgc · Jun 16, 2013, 10:23 PM

Every person I meet says that I'm very kind. I never talk about people behind their backs and that's what my friends say is one of the traits that they love about me. Everyone says I'm ridiculously funny through playful sarcasm and jokes. I'm shy when you first meet me because I don't do well in large social situations but if it's a smaller group of people then I'm fine or if it's a large group of people I know then I'm also OK. I do take honors math. I consider myself a nerd/geek because I enjoy science, math, comic books, superheroes and science fiction TV shows. I like roller coasters... A LOT. I'm a gamer and I skateboard. I'm also a talented singer (according to others not me) a pianist and guitar player and I love music. I write my own music and poetry and have received many compliments on my poetry (and modest, I don't really enjoy being recognized for doing something well or doing something good). I'm a state record holder in track and field and I'm also a field hockey and basketball player. So I guess you could consider me athletic. I'm pretty fat I guess cause I'm 5'5" and I weigh 147 pounds and my face isn't, I don't know, "classically pretty" I suppose though occasionally someone will compliment my face. I go to an all girls school but I'm very good friends with a lot of the guys from our brother school and they all love my sense of humor and kindness. I'm considered popular but I feel more like a social floater because I talk to everyone at my school not just the popular crowd. I also give everyone in my grade a birthday present. Why won't any guys ask me out though? Just curious because even girls who are very rude and gossipy (is that even a word?) have boyfriends or get asked out even though the guys know that the girls act that way. I don't look intimidating at all in my opinion. So anyway, why do you think no one ever has asked me out?

axdwdrgc · Jun 16, 2013, 10:37 PM

I forgot to mention that I'm a theatre kid who's been in many plays and musicals

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 07:01 AM

I think you have a very healthy ego, a need to post your accomplishments. Maybe this is how you are in person. Maybe not. I think it's offputting.

I have always been turned off by "good sense of humor" people who pride themselves on sarcasm. Your idea of amusing may not be anyone else's idea of amusing.

You've posted about wanting to skip a grade because the people in your class are immature and naïve (?) - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/middle...de-623611.html. You've posted you think you have ADD.

It appears you cannot or do not relate with your peers. That's undoubtedly your problem. How to solve it? I'm not sure - perhaps being more realistic about your strengths and weaknesses would be helpful.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2013, 08:08 AM

You sound pretty young. How old are you, 14 or so? Maybe all of you accomplishments are not that important to people. Relate to others as a 14/15 year old not as an academic and musical athlete. You have plenty of time for boys.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 08:23 AM

I also wonder if the OP is fishing for comments or compliments? Everyone she meets says she is very kind? How does that come up in conversation?

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 08:32 AM

Your post is full of I-this and I-that as you tried to describe yourself. Can you get outside your own skin and really empathize with others? Or do they see you as as having an overinflated ego with no time for anyone else? Being kind to others can sometimes be a self-promotion.

joypulv · Jun 17, 2013, 09:37 AM

Giving everyone in your class a birthday present sounds... needy and efficiently distant somehow. You have so many accomplishments I don't know how you find time for just fun, hanging out, shooting the breeze. You have so many people describing you that I can only conclude that you go around asking them to, or at least go around asking why you haven't been asked out.
As I used to joke about myself in high school "I'm so well rounded I don't point in any direction." I think some of my classmates resented certain things about me, not struggling with homework and tests, and so on. I wasn't athletic, and not cheerleader material, but I don't recall anyone who was Everything like you are!
Try to come down to earth a bit. Or wait until college, where you will probably shine and have plenty of guys wanting to study with you, hang out with you, and eventually go out with you. Go to a smallish college. I suspect that you will go on to graduate school too, and then meet the man of your dreams - probably in the same field you choose.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Giving everyone in your class a birthday present sounds... needy and efficiently distant somehow. You have so many accomplishments I don't know how you find time for just fun, hanging out, shooting the breeze. You have so many people describing you that I can only conclude that you go around asking them to, or at least go around asking why you haven't been asked out.
As I used to joke about myself in high school "I'm so well rounded I don't point in any direction." I think some of my classmates resented certain things about me, not struggling with homework and tests, and so on. I wasn't athletic, and not cheerleader material, but I don't recall anyone who was EVERTHING like you are!
Try to come down to earth a bit. Or wait til college, where you will probably shine and have plenty of guys wanting to study with you, hang out with you, and eventually go out with you. Go to a smallish college. I suspect that you will go on to graduate school too, and then meet the man of your dreams - probably in the same field you choose.

Everyone seems to think that I ask people but I don't ask people for compliments. I get nominated for awards that involve private voting. I don't ask people that'd be ridiculous

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 11:55 AM

Why don't you ask guys out? Go to a movie with several male and female friends. Meet at a fast-food restaurant or at someone's house to play board games.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I also wonder if the OP is fishing for comments or compliments? Everyone she meets says she is very kind? How does that come up in conversation?

I said "I" because I was saying things about myself. Would there be any other way to give a little more in depth detail about this question? I think not besides stating facts about myself. And again as I said before I don't ask people I get nominated for school awards in which everyone votes privately

joypulv · Jun 17, 2013, 12:14 PM

You asked us (total strangers) why guys don't ask you out.
We have to go by what you write. Now you are defending whether you fish for compliments, and that's only a small part of the picture. Nothing in what you wrote implied that the compliments come from voting; in fact, quite the opposite: everyone I meet, my friends say, all the boys say, etc.
I don't see how we are going to give you advice. As I reread your post, it strikes me more and more as a checklist of over the top accomplishments and talents and wonderful personality traits. 'Everyone' says you are 'ridiculously funny through playful sarcasm and jokes' strikes me as stilted and exaggerated. I wonder if you attach so much importance to success in all things that you do exaggerate.
You have to help us, not defend yourself. How are we supposed to give suggestions if you are a wall of superb accomplishments? I suggested that you come down to earth and hang out a little, because I can't find any real reason why a guy won't ask you out. You won't give us any.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 12:17 PM

Until you are more interested in other people and their accomplishments than you are in your own you will not find anyone to ask you out - I think it's that simple. You think your classmates are "naive" (whatever that means).

In a perfect world you obviously would not go out with them Who would you like to ask you on a date?

smearcase · Jun 17, 2013, 01:11 PM

" I'm pretty fat... ".
I will be chastised for this comment most likely but don't hold me responsible for human nature. And I am not exactly a skinflint myself but that description of yourself has an impact. Add an ability to lose weight to your list of accomplishments before you assume all the other factors might be the cause of your problem. I am trying to be factual here, not cruel or rude.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2013, 01:12 PM

You are 14, so don't expect them to ask you out. Heck most 14 year old guys are very intimidated by out going talented females or they are chasing hormones, or trying to do stupid stuff with other guys.

Where is a 14 year old going to ask you out too? You are way too young to be having a romantic fancy with yourself, so be patient unless you have a specific object of that fancy.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2013, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by smearcase

" I'm pretty fat... ".
I will be chastised for this comment most likely but don't hold me responsible for human nature. And I am not exactly a skinflint myself but that description of yourself has an impact. Add an ability to lose weight to your list of accomplishments before you assume all the other factors might be the cause of your problem. I am trying to be factual here, not cruel or rude.

I doubt she is fat, her height and weight does not suggest she is. If she is athletic she probably has muscle which weighs more, plus she is 14 she is still carrying some baby fat if any. She is most likely not being asked out because she is 14. She does not need to be dating.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 01:38 PM

She feels far superior and far more mature than her classmates. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. Here's a sample. I'm not going to highlight, but if you read it carefully it's very apparent:

I took the time to search out some old posts (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/middle...re-642753.html) This is not what I quoted earlier, but I think it’s an example of OP’s feeling that she is somehow above/better than her classmates. This attitude, I suspect, is what is hurting her. Even the girls don’t want to be in her company. It’s not just the boys:
“I decided that I'd go to an after party. I showed up and what I saw was a bunch of stupid 6th graders ( I am personally going to seventh grade myself next year but... )... I went to get ice cream (I still can't believe that's all they had... ) and when I sat down at a table they were talking about boys.. . Sarah ( who claims she has a boyfriend which I don't even consider a boyfriend for reasons I will specify later) goes up to her "boyfriend" and, get ready for this, hugged him. Everybody around me started yelling, clapping and cheering because they hugged. A hug. Seriously? But this isn't all.. . What they consider to be dates is going to Starbucks, Sweet Frog, (or some similar place such as these)... Some of these relationships are only online. One of my friends hasn't seen her boyfriend since last year and the became boyfriend and girlfriend 3 months ago. He asked her out through IM-ing. This is just getting ridiculous, I mean these people wouldn't know what a real relationship was if they watched the notebook. I can't even talk to my old friends anymore cause they're all boy-crazy.. . This is also taking a tool on me mentally because I only have around 3 friends at school and all the rest of my friends are boys from my church. I'm a nerd (not to be confused with a geek) so that already makes it difficult and I find that boys are easier companions (as in friends... ) than girls. Here's my dilemma: I can't really socialize with boys because... So my first question is why they all act like this, I mean I'm in the same grade as them so why do I feel like the only mature one ( besides my two friends that don't have "boyfriends")? My second is how can I get guy friends because I've already given up on female friends (as you can see) without everyone thinking I'm trying to date ( I can't talk about one of my best friends because every girl in my grade thinks he's my boyfriend. I mean come on? I think they've never heard of a guy friend) sorry this thing is so long and thank you for even reading this far let alone answering... I can't believe how immature some of these girls are. Maybe it's just because it's our second year in middle school. I don't know... ”

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 01:47 PM

The word Asperger's comes to mind. They are the only ones walking around in their world.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 01:58 PM

If so I really hope she is seeking counselling, that her family is paying attention.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 02:09 PM

Fine want me to come back down to earth? I suck at English. Most of the people who are suppose to be my friends ditch me for other people. I do so much for them and they do nothing for me. One of them at one point said that they'd rather sleep all day then hangout with me. I'm ignored and cut off by these same people but it's either them or I'm alone because I got to such a small school. I don't fit with my grade. People accuse me of doing things that I haven't done. There, is that good enough? Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me...

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by axdwdrgc

Fine want me to come back down to earth? I suck at English. Most of the people who are suppose to be my friends ditch me for other people. I do so much for them and they do nothing for me. One of them at one point said that they'd rather sleep all day then hangout with me. I'm ignored and cut off by these same people but it's either them or I'm alone because I got to such a small school. I don't fit with my grade. People accuse me of doing things that I haven't done. There, is that good enough? Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me...

Now think about this. Why are we getting the same feeling about you that others do in real life?