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lileeob · Feb 3, 2013, 07:06 PM

The other day my boyfriend told me his 8 year old son took his phone and deleted all the pictures of me, and replaced them with him. He also hates when I sleep there because he still sleeps in the bed (is this normal?) I just started seeing him a few weeks ago and the kid has apparently never treated or acted like this to any other girlfriends before me.

Why is he doing this? What can I do to make this better without getting angry or hurt by it?

Alty · Feb 3, 2013, 07:11 PM

The first thing is to realize that this is a child, not an adult. Being hurt by what an 8 year old child does, is in itself childish. You're the adult, you know better than to react to this.

Yes, he's jealous. He sees you as competition, as someone that's going to take his fathers attention away from him. He doesn't realize that he is the most important thing in his fathers life, that you will never come close to replacing him. He's a child, and children don't understand that to their parents, they will always be first, that partners come and go, but children are forever, and number one.

Does his father have him full time, or does he share custody with the mother? If he shares custody, maybe limit your sleepovers to the times when the child is with his mother. Slowly start to do things with him and his father, things a child would like. Make sure that he knows that you're not trying to take his place, that you know you never could, that he is and always will be the most important person in his fathers life.

lileeob · Feb 3, 2013, 07:16 PM

It is tough not getting all hurt about it, I didn't allow myself to be because I DO know better, but still is tough as I realized that the kid felt this way about me! But thank you for the reminder, it helps a lot.

I do only sleep over when he's gone to his mothers. I would never dream of taking time away with his dad from him. I did rent a movie for all of us the other night, and brought my dog over to visit as he asked me to. (hes a mastiff and so lovable!) it went good. Yes they share custody I think that his dad gets him every other week and for supper if he isn't working.

Alty · Feb 3, 2013, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by lileeob

It is tough not getting all hurt about it, i didnt allow myself to be because i DO know better, but still is tough as i realized that the kid felt this way about me! But thank you for the reminder, it helps alot.

i do only sleep over when hes gone to his mothers. i would never dream of taking time away with his dad from him. i did rent a movie for all of us the other night, and brought my dog over to visit as he asked me to. (hes a mastiff and so lovable!) it went good. yes they share custody i think that his dad gets him every other week and for supper if he isnt working.

It's going to take time. Right now he sees you as someone that's going to take attention away from him. It's especially hard because he doesn't see his dad all the time, so every minute is precious, now he has to share those minutes.

It's not that he doesn't like you, so don't think that. He probably does like you, but he still sees you as a threat. It would the same as bringing a baby sister or baby brother home, that baby is a threat, and most kids have a hard time adjusting. That's what he needs, time to adjust, time to realize that you're not going to take anything away from him, you're going to add something.

Just keep giving him that time, be yourself, have fun when you see him. He'll come around, it will just take time, and a lot of patience.