Check out some similar questions!

mherch_ · Jun 22, 2012, 10:55 PM

My partner had a child with other woman when we broke up, and now I gave birth to our first child. His mother when saying about my baby she always mention my partner other child and it makes me feel annoyed and I can’t control myself but still I get hurt when I hear that child’s name.

I don’t know what to do. When his mother mentions this child he doesn’t care. That he always changes the topic and seems not be care but I doubt it. It’s really hard to trust him again but he always say he’s trying his best but when I see him and hearing his child name I don’t understand my feeling but really want to go far away from him, but I can’t because of my child.

Please help me. I want my child to have a happy family but can’t stop this feeling.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 03:45 AM

Why did you get back with him for starters. Getting back with an ex is a bad idea, especially if you knew he had a child while you two were apart.

You've brought this upon yourself, and need to make a choice. Either to grow up and stop crying over things you cannot change, or leave him and forget about him and his child.

mherch_ · Jun 23, 2012, 04:01 AM

Im trying to forget everything but I don't know why it still hurts me.. its been 2 years ago when I discover that he cheated on me when he ask some space... I thought this is only insecurities that when I got a child it will all gone but I'm wrong that this feeling become bigger my hard feeling about what he did become stronger.. dont want to leave him because I don't want my child grow up without a father and I love him much that I cannot live without him.. pls help me what should I do?

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by mherch_

Im trying to forget everything but i dont know why it still hurts me..its been 2 years ago when i discover that he cheated on me when he ask some space...i thought this is only insecurities that when i got a child it will all gone but im wrong that this feeling become bigger my hard feeling about what he did become stronger..dont want to leave him because i dont want my child grow up without a father and i love him much that i cannot live without him..pls help me what should i do??

For starters, he didn't cheat on you, you both broke up. Secondly, it's bothering you because you feel like he cheated. You need to realize that what happened was none of your control, and it was not from the act of cheating. Maybe that can help you understand. Other than that, living this way for the rest of your life is not healthy, so if you can't build that bridge to get over it, looks like you'll need to turn around and find another route.

mherch_ · Jun 23, 2012, 04:43 AM

No its cheating.. ok let me tell you.. we don't broke up he just decide to have space to try if we can live without each other.. But he still come to my house and do same thing but we just not living in the same house.. We still make love that time.. actually that happeninh he did not admit it I just caught him lying to me that he have other woman.. we are starting big fight again because of this issue... should we broke up or what? But if we broke up my daughter will not have a complete family and I don't want to happen.

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 05:04 AM

Originally Posted by mherch_

No its cheating..ok let me tell you..we dont broke up he just decide to have space to try if we can live without each other.. But he still come to my house and do same thing but we just not living in the same house.. We still make love dat time..actually that happeninh he did not admit it i just caught him lying to me that he have other woman..we are starting big fight again because of this issue...should we broke up or what? But if we broke up my daughter will not have a complete family and i dont want to happen.

Then if he "cheated" what the hell were you doing going back to him? Your problems are only with you because of the poor choices you've made.

Leave him, or deal with it.

mherch_ · Jun 23, 2012, 05:19 AM

Because I love him.. my emotion stop me to do what is right.. He chose me and decide not to acknowledge that child.. he do what I want.. But still I feel that he will do the same over again but he keeps insisting that he will not that hd had change.. Really don't know what to think and what to do..

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 23, 2012, 05:42 AM

Originally Posted by mherch_

Because i love him..my emotion stop me to do what is right.. He chose me and decide not to acknowledge that child..he do what i want.. But still i feel that he will do the same over again but he keeps insisting that he will not that hd had change.. Really dont know what to think and what to do..

You're blinded by love, so open your eyes and leave this guy if you aren't happy. You can do much better.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2012, 09:12 AM

I can understand your feelings of helpless confusion, and frustration, I really can as this always happens when we make rushed decisions based on strong feelings, and not facts.

You really do need to make better decisions for yourself, and find a good friend, family, preferably your MOM to bounce ideas off and vent those frustrations out of your heart, and give you a better perspective on the personal issues you have.

As it stands I think you suspect he is still seeing this other baby mama, and his child, and you don't want to be reminded of their existence. I understand, but I don't see how you would deny a father his child just because its not YOURS. That's selfish, let it go, the other child deserves a father too, as much as yours does, so get over that fear, stop being selfish, and do the right thing for these children.

You must accept this FACT of your life, and stop hiding from it. Accept through love and care, not hide from fear. Your fear is what is stopping you from happiness, and robbing you of the strength to deal with your reality. If you love a person, you love every part of them, even the parts you don't like.

mherch_ · Jun 24, 2012, 06:15 AM

But how? Dat is exactly my Problem.. I don't how to accept it! Im afraid that if my partner learn to accept it and have communication to that girl he will have commit mistake again.. I didn't stop my Partner to accept his child it is his decision.. because before I forgive him he already make a choice that if he choses them I will leave hin and make hisown but he choses me and that he alreay make a decision not to acknowledge that child.. like what I said he always insisiting that it was a mistake... im really confuse.

talaniman · Jun 24, 2012, 06:59 AM

Stop acting out of pure fear. Recognize and acknowledge you are afraid of what may happen if you both do the right things for yourselves, and others involved.

How will your child feel when they learn of a sibling they are not allowed to know, or you have treated badly? How will that child feel not knowing of a parent, because YOU were afraid??

That's how FEAR is overcome, by dealing with it directly, and finding it has no power over you doing the right things for yourself. You cannot keep a family together through FEAR, and THREATS. Children grow up and ask questions, and right now its all good, but what of the day when they walk and talk, and QUESTION, and for sure that day will come.

Does he pay child support??

mherch_ · Jun 26, 2012, 04:40 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop acting out of pure fear. Recognize and acknowledge you are afraid of what may happen if you both do the right things for yourselves, and others involved.

How will your child feel when they learn of a sibling they are not allowed to know, or you have treated badly? How will that child feel not knowing of a parent, because YOU were afraid???

Thats how FEAR is overcome, by dealing with it directly, and finding it has no power over you doing the right things for yourself. You cannot keep a family together thru FEAR, and THREATS. Children grow up and ask questions, and right now its all good, but what of the day when they walk and talk, and QUESTION, and for sure that day will come.

Does he pay child support???

No he didn't give anything to the child because my partner don't want his own child even him cannot accept the result of his mistakes.. he not even touch nor talk to child since it was born only his parent taking care of his child... how can I accept that child when his own parent doesn't want to.. as time passed by I really try to accept the child because I know they will grew up and look for his father but when I remember the mother of that child all I can think is anger... I really hate her