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Linz1111 · Jan 21, 2013, 01:31 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 1/2 months now and he says he loves me and I love him too! I have 2 kids a daughter 6 and a son 3 and he has no kids. It took him awhile to get used to the kids he is always good with them gets them presents on the holidays and plays with them all the time and we've been starting to talk about having a life together he loves my kids he's OK with the fact that I have kids which is wonderful that's what was really important to me.

We've been getting ready to move to North Dakota together to work and move in together but what he really wants to do is start a business in Denver but he said going to ND is a great idea because we can be together and he can save more money to start his business but yesterday he said that he's at a cross roads and needs some space to think because he doesn't know what to do, he said he wasn't planning on falling for a married girl with kids ( I'm still married to my ex I've been split from him over two years now he's just been locked up so haven't been able to get divorced) but he said he did fall in love with us so there nothing he can do about that it's just he wants to think about everything before making such a big move and my kids and I are one of the things he needs to think about.

I don't know what to do. I know he loves me and my kids, and I want to give him his space to think but I'm really scared that after everything he's going to change his mind about wanting to be with me and have a life together. What should I do? How much time should I give him to think about things?

teacherjenn4 · Jan 21, 2013, 01:34 PM

Why are you in such a rush? You are married and have two small children. If he changes his mind, he does. You shouldn't base your life on a boyfriend of 8 1/2 months. Focus on your children. They must come first in your life.

Oliver2011 · Jan 21, 2013, 01:45 PM

Rushing him into living together is a straight ticket to being single in the future. At least he is being honest with you on his reasoning. We can't really give you a time frame on how much time to give him. It is what you are comfortable with that matters.

talaniman · Jan 21, 2013, 01:51 PM

Give him a year at least to see if unresolved issues can be overcome. Namely your marriage, and time to see how this life together looks.

How to File for Divorce If Your Husband Is in Jail | eHow.com

No fool in his correct mind builds a life with a married woman. Handle YOUR business correctly FIRST.

Linz1111 · Jan 21, 2013, 02:03 PM

It's not that I'm rushing I would be perfectly fine if we didn't go or move in together I would be happy no matter what as long as he was still a part of my life. Us moving to ND was both of our ideas we've both brought it up before but never really talked about it that much. He was irritated the last time I talked to him so I went home because I didn't want to make things worse, I would be perfectly happy not going or moving in together I just want him to be a part of my life. I want to tell him that I'm happy with whatever he wants to do and that it's not going to hurt my feelings if we end up not going or taking that big step I just don't know if I should wait to let him think about thinks first and let him come to me or if I should go to him and tell him how I feel about it. I don't want to make things worse should I wait for him to think about it first before I say anything or should I just go tell him how I feel about it?

Thanks for the website, I did figure the whole divorce thing out though and going to get it all filed before we even move if that's some we are still going to do but regardless I'm getting it done.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 03:27 PM

He wants space, give it to him. 81/2 months is no time at all to be moving in together let alone taking on two kids. He is probably wanting to rethink all of this, I don't blame him, he should.
You should be rethinking as well. It's not just you. It's your kids as well.

joypulv · Jan 21, 2013, 03:47 PM

You have said in several different ways that you 'just' want him to be part of your life. I think what you mean is that you want a promise, and he isn't giving you one, which is very smart, because promises mean nothing. You plan and then you do, and that's all there is in life. He sounds like a good man and you sound like you are a good woman, but you also sound frantic, and frantic is a deal-killer.
You say you aren't rushing him but 90% of your other words say that you want to. You have a fear that his time to think is a fear that he will dump you. You CAN'T think that way for your own good. He loves you, he loves your kids, so TRUST the poor guy to have doubts about what he wants to to for work. Yes, the fracking in ND is paying well, but did you know that housing is hard to come by and it's very expensive, in fact everything there is, because of all the people rushing in to work? He is probably thinking about all of this (not to mention the weather extremes there) and much more. So stop wrapping work, money, and love in one package. Let him do what he has to do, and be as supportive as you can, and as un-needy as you can too.