[landomando]

I am currently in college and my girlfriend is back home. Over this past Labor Day weekend I took a train down to visit my girlfriend for our 11 month. Our relationship has had its ups and downs at the beginning. My friends told me most relationships start like this, small fights every now and then, but slowly they will stop. I had my doubts and after 5 months the fights seemed to have stopped. These fights were not fights in person but more texting fights. We almost texted and fought everyday for a while because we both wanted to be right, or I would get jealous at something really stupid and we would fight.

Toward our 6 month I went to a party and she went to a different party. A guy at the party was mad that he could not hook up with this girl because she was talking to me instead of talking to him. So he spread rumors about me and this girl having sex. And two other rumors about me hooking up with two other girls.

First, My girlfriend past is, well ****ed up. I am her third boyfriend and every boyfriend before me cheated on her. Her Dad also cheated on her Mom for 5 years with her moms best friend! Cheating is not something that's okay and not something that is accepted by her. Cheating has destroyed her family and basically ruined her life until she found me. I am 100% against cheating. I hate it and have lost friends who have cheated on their girlfriend. I do not respect them and therefore are not friends with them anymore. Her last boyfriend deceived my girlfriend. She ignored that he cheated on her for a month and pretended it hadn't happened until she woke up! And realized it had happened! She then broke up with him. She really felt like an idiot and swore it would never happen again.

When she heard about these rumors she did not care what I had to say she just believed them. She broke up with me for about two weeks. After my friends, people who were there at the party and even the kid who spread the rumors and the girl that I was accused of hooking up with and having sex with said it never happened she took me back.

But during those two weeks, I began talking to this girl. Really just about how stupid these rumors were and basically crying to her. She was there for me and we became friends. Just friends. She was really nice and one of the more caring people I had ever met. I wanted to just talk to someone because I was so depressed and felt suicidal. She would be on the phone with me for hours or text me and just listen to what I had to say and make me feel better about myself and this situation. And I guess you can say we became close. She was however considered a slut. Everyone I knew probably thought she was a slut. I did too but she was really nice and I consider her a friend. After all I really thought she saved my life just by talking to me and being there for me.

After we had become pretty close friends, when I was going through this, my girlfriend told me when she took me back that I was never allowed to talk to her again. She deleted her number from my phone and deleted her from my Facebook. She was a friend with her on Facebook but I lost all contact with her.

I wanted my girlfriend back. She's my best friend and I'm madly in love with her so if she didn't want me to be friends with her then so be it. I would not. It bothered me a little bit but I hadn't know her as long as I had know my girlfriend so I kind have just accepted it. And, I also did not want her to talk to her older boyfriends so she did not.

That was just some background that basically was the fuel to the fire. I lit this fire by making a mistake. The week before college started I moved into my dorm. My roommate had asked me about the whole situation that had happened months ago about the girl. I think that just reminded me of the girl and the whole situation. So that night my friends and I got really drunk. Probably the most drunk I had been in a long time. I went back to my dorm and got on the computer and I Facebook friend the girl I wasn't supposed to talk too. She accepted it within minutes. We were talking and then the talking turned to sexting. I don't really want to go into detail but I mean it was like online sex! Really graphic, very descriptive. I honestly don't remember doing it or saying what I was saying at the time. I woke up late the next day and saw her posts on my news feed so I deleted her. I didn't even read the conversation that we had the night before. I didn't even know we had one.

Two weeks later I took the train down for our 11 month. I was staying at her house and all my stuff was in my room. I walked into the shower for no longer then 5 minutes. When I got out she was on my computer. In my head, I was like why are you on my computer. She just looked up and gave me this death look. I said what did I do jokingly and she read parts of the conversation. I was like in shock! I didn't know what to say. I didn't even remember talking to the girl and I actually had to think of when this happened. I was frozen in shock. I tried to say it was my roommate on my Facebook then like after getting through the first sentence and realized that wasn't going to work.

I told her the truth. I was drunk and talked to her and did not realized what I was saying and sext her. She was crying calling me a cheater and all this stuff and didn't believe me at all. She kicked me out of her house and I stayed at my friends house for 3 days until my train ride. I talked to her told her everything and all she can say is admit it. I have never cheated on her or touched another girl. I'm not going to admit to something I didn't do. I am not a guy that hooks up with girls. I don't do that. I am however a very stupid person. I make mistakes all the time. I'm not perfect at all. I lose my parents trust for doing dumb stuff and earn it back all the time. And well I have always made mistakes in my life. I know I made a mistake and ****ed up.

I just want her back. I love her with all my heart and I really mean that. I just don't know what to do. Its been almost a week and we kind of talk. The first couple days it was like how could you cheat on me and I would say the same stuff over and over. Nothing I said she would listen too. I think she was just mad and didn't want to listen, she said stuff like you broke my heart and ruined this relationship. She said I could have seen us being together forever and I wanted to be with you forever. And I wanted the same thing. It kills me when she says that. I honestly break down in tears at night. I can't eat and have been to the health clinic for throwing up. She asks me how's my stomach and stuff. I said its bad and then told her I have to go to a doctor and she just wants me to keep her informed. I can tell she still likes me and cares about me.

My friends been face booking her and talking to her, She said she will never forgive me. And that I have made too many mistakes and that this one was too big to be forgiven. I think I ****ed up. I'm human and well I just want her back. And don't know if I should beg for her or I don't know let her go. I don't text her cause I'm scared to talk to her. Its not nice texting its mean and makes me feel like even more **** so I haven't texted her.

I just don't know what to do. I wrote her a card right before I got on the train and buried my heart into it and left it on her car. She is the love of my life and part from the fights and stupid **** she's the best person to be around. I love her! And she loves me. I just need help please write. Tips insight. How to get her back anything. (I know I'm in college and can get girls I don't want to hear that) please help thank you for reading

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, you screwed up big time, and now you have to suffer through until she isn't so hurt, mad, and disappointed. I would leave her alone until she is because for now, any contact, begging, or apologize will only remind her why she is mad, all over again.

Who knows how long it will take to not be mad at you, but leaving her alone is what you do. She will let you know when she is ready. If she ever is. Its going to be a while for sure before you know one way or another.

[mmresd]

In most cases, a more mature relationships the number of arguments may decrease, but not the intensity, because fights are picked more carefully. Cheating is never something that is OK and never something that will be accepted by ANYONE in their right mind. You have messed up, don't gimme me the I got drunk excuse, you have made your decisions, and you have messed up. There is no point in begging, she is through because she has been in this situation before, and now she has lost all trust for you. No trust = no relationship. Move on, don't date anyone for a while, let yourself heal from this, and then try to find someone who doesn't have such a messed up past so that you are not stuck in awkward situations like this. And don't hang out with people that like to start rummors, that is always bad.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry, the chances of you getting back with her, if she did not have a history of cheating issues would be slim. With the things they way you described them,
1. it sounds like there were issues anyway
2. the distance was another issue
3. and you messed up the worst way you could,


I see no hope, perhaps use it as a lesson learned

[landomando]

I just broke up with the girl of my dreams. I guess I always thought this day was going to come. My heart is broken and I didn't just loose my girlfriend but I also lost my best friend. I want her back so badly but I just ****ed up. I'm dumb and have always ****ed up since I was a kid. I lost her trust but I don't know if I ever did have it. I want her back. And can't stop crying all the time. I can't eat and can't sleep. I don't know what to do. My friends want me to go out with them so I did tonight and all I could think of was her. They tried to force me to drink and have fun but I can't. I'm hurting and I really did loose the love of my life. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she said she did too. I don't know if I should go out or move on. I just hate my life... My other blog explains how dumb I am. If you want to read it to get the full story it sucks and for those who have girlfriends and what not can relate id really like some input. Any help much appreciated.

Threads have been merged and edited into one.

[talaniman]

Take some time to yourself (to cry your eyes out), and then let your friends support you through this very hard time. We have all been through this, some of us many times, but we thrive and survive by learning from our mistakes. That's how we grow, and its very painful sometimes.

[landomando]

I broke up with my girlfriend and it was my fault. We both loved each other a lot. I ****ed up and she thinks I cheated on her but I didn't. I want her back but I don't know how to convince someone you didn't cheat on her when her past is full of cheating and ****. She doesn't believe me and I'm not like anything in her past. Im a good guy I respect women. I take her on dates. Bring flowers for her all the time. Make her breakfast. Give her massages. No guy I know does the stuff I do for there girlfriend. And none of her past bfs have either. I treated her like my princes because she is. I just want her back. But how do you convince someone who's past is so ****ed up? As she was crying at me and saying I ruined this relationship she told me I could see us together forever and I said I could too. I love her help plzzz ( read my other blogs if you want to see how I ****ed up its long but it's a good story how I am dum)

[Silverfoxkit]

Trust is not something that is easy to fix, especially with someone who honestly doesn't have much of a reason to be very trustful of men. All that you really can do is try to make up for your mistakes and try to mend the relationship, if she is even willing. Unfortunately there is no definite answer or magical solution. All that you can do is try or let go.

You really need to try and focus on other aspects of life. If you continue to beat yourself up then you are not doing anyone any good. Not you, not her.

[vanheart]

Stop crying the blues.
You cheated.

She knows.

Don't apologize if you didn't. If you didn't, you have a clear conscious.

Boo hoo.

[landomando]

I didn't cheat on her. I apologized to her for sexting the girl. She wants me to admit to something I did not do so I have since deleted my Facebook and stopped answering her texts. I don't text her but she texts me every couple times a days. I think she wants me back but or at least still cares about me but I'm not sure if I should answer her texts or not. Like its only been about a week and I think she just hates me and if we are moving on and there is no hope I want to just forget her. Should I text her back or just let her go or I don't know what to do I'm just so hurt

[Fr_Chuck]

If you want to try and make it work, be honest and direct, you did not do anything physical, remember the sexting is still considered cheating by most people.

Tell her that you are admiting this and will try to work things out, but she has to be willing. If not, stop contacting you also.

[yuna.ayako]

As of now give her time to think what to do, and as for your part, just continue loving her- you can start courting her all over again, just to prove your sincerity and love for her.

[landomando]

Okay so I'm not sure why my add says I had sex with a girl and my girlfriend found out because I sexted a girl on Facebook. I HAVE NEVER PHYSICALLY TOUCHED ANOTHER GIRL!

[talaniman]

Its been corrected, but its an easy mistake when you have multiple posts about the same thing. Thanks for pointing it out.

Has anything changed about your situation?

[landomando]

This thread has been merged with the others, again.

Last week I went on Facebook drunk and sext a girl. She thinks I had sex with this girl but I didn't. There had also been some rumors about me and her a while ago so it didn't help the situation. I told my girlfriend the truth but she doesn't believe me at all. My friends know that I would never do that. Even the girl told her we never had sex. We were just both really drunk one night and sext each other. I since then talked to my girlfriend who is now my ex only a couple of days. I told her the truth and we kept talking about it for about a couple days and after awhile I just was annoyed.

Part of the reason she didn't believe anything I had to say was because her past is already messed up. My really good friend has talked to her a couple times because we do make a great couple and he wants to see us back together.

I have ignored her texts for almost a week. I haven't texted her. Or talked to her. I deleted my Facebook. And lost all contact with her. I'm not going to admit to something I didn't do. She says things like I don't want to get back together, I hate him he broke my heart... She wants me to send her an email and talk to her like every night. She says things like we need to talk, so your just over me. So any chance of us working this out, or is it officially over, bye?

Then she talks to me the next day. I don't get it! She's telling me 2 things. I really want to get back with her but I mean I feel like I'm just helping her cope with this and just being there for her and still talking to her until she finds someone else. I don't want o be friends with her. If she wants a friend get a dog! I don't want her as a friend. I love her too much to be friends with her and see her with another guy. It would kill me and I know I would I would do something stupid if I heard or saw that.

So I haven't talked to her. I don't know what to do, though. It seems like she still really cares about me and likes me. But she said she doesn't want us to get back together. And really mean things to me. I deserve it I know. I just really have no idea if I should talk to her or not. (my last blog has the whole story in a lot more detail if interested)


Edited/T

[landomando]

Kind of. I just posted some stuff about it and... I don't get how to view other posts I've posted on it. It says I only have 1 post. And every question I ask seems like it disappears. I don't get any responses or at least I can't view them. Im so confused. It says I only have 1 question asked... I don't get any responses from my other questions. And I can't even view them. I can only view this 1..

[I wish]

Sounds me to that you're just as confused as she is. If you want her back, then put your foot down and tell her that you want her back and will try to work things out with her. But if you're unsure about her, then leave her alone until you figure it out.

The other problem I see is that you don't seem to be completely committed to repairing the damage. How would you feel if she sex-texted another guy while she was drunk? Even though you may not be as pissed as she is, she is still pissed.

Even if you didn't have any intention of having sex or cheating on her, it really doesn't look good on paper. Why are you sex-texting someone who isn't your girlfriend? It looks really bad from the outside, even if deep down inside you don't mean it.

If you want her back, then go apologize for hurting her, even if you ddin't mean to hurt her on purpose. She was still hurt my your actions. Take responsibility for your own actions, you can't blame the alcohol forever.

[Cat1864]

Your other 'questions' (threads) were merged with this one. If you are having difficulties viewing the complete thread in the skin/user interface you are in, you might try changing to the older one. Go to Settings in the upper right hand corner under your name and click 'take me back to the old skin.

Okay so im not sure why my add says i had sex with a girl and my girlfriend found out because i sexted a girl on facebook. I HAVE NEVER PHYSICALLY TOUCHED ANOTHER GIRL!

I am sorry you had someone play games early on in your relationship and cause problems. That is not your fault. If she kept or took you back after that mess was cleared up, she has a responsibility to do her part to let it go. I am not certain she did.

I am confused over whether she was your girlfriend or not when you sexted the other girl while drunk. IF you were a couple or working on getting the past straightened out to get back together, then she could expect you wouldn't have a sexual encounter (even through texting) with another woman. By many people's standards, sexting is cheating. I know I would be upset if my husband did it and I have no problem with him flirting.

Word of wisdom, if alcohol causes problems in your life, try not let it happen again. Drowning your sorrows in booze usually leads to more sorrows.

I think you should stay with No Contact. Keep yourself busy and allow yourself to heal.

[talaniman]

Part of your confusion is that when you make multiple threads they get merged into one and you often have to scroll back to find all of them. Right now you have 2 pages of questions and responses, including the last one, as asking the same question over and over is very confusing, and an editing nightmare. Some were deleted as duplicates because of this. Some are delayed because of the site skin you use. So be patient as the site updates, and refrain from starting more questions as its much easier to keep all remarks in one thread for others to read and respond to as they come online.

Hope this helps.

[landomando]

Thank you for the help. New at this and slowly getting the hang of it... Im really unsure about her and how she is feeling about me right now. So I am leaving her alone. I do want to repair this but I mean there is only so man times you can tell her the truth and she just doesn't listen to it. I also have no idea why I sexted this girl... At the time I sexted her, we were still together. The past happened about 4 months ago when someone made a rumor about me. She took me back. But I had to do a lot to get her back. I was really mad that she didn't believe me and believed those rumors... And I don't drown my feelings with alcohol or anything like that I just don't think as clealy. I guess but like I'm really not the type of guy to even go talk to girls or try to hook up with girls. At partys or events ill talk to my guy friends I don't even talk to girls and all my friends like even know this which makes all those rumors even more ridiculous. And a lot of them are talking to her which is nice. But like her past is so messed up that its really affecting me and making me look bad... if this makes sense