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petlin · Apr 7, 2011, 08:53 AM

I have been in a relationship for 8years now, but the guy is no longer caring we are far from each other,he no longer shows concern like before. I have found a new love who defines the full meaning of love, I am confused I still love the first guy I don't know what to do he has changed and now shows concerns about me.

talaniman · Apr 7, 2011, 11:25 AM

Why are you apart? That probably has a lot to do with it. How long have you been apart? When do you get back together?

Its easy to be out of sight, out of mind, but you never pursue another love, until you have been straight and honest with the first love.

Then you won't be confused, and have no guilt with your decision, no matter what it is.

And you won't be a lying cheating coward, who cannot do the right thing for yourself, and others, by staying within the boundaries of good behavior.

amicon · Apr 7, 2011, 12:14 PM

If you're not happy in a relationship you discuss it with your partner,and if you can't right what's wrong-you break up.

Now,you are going behind your partner's back.

That's called cheating.

Not a good thing.

Time to put your cards on the table.

Sumitkumar7266 · Apr 7, 2011, 10:11 PM

Want to tell you only one thing that if you want break up with the first person then do it and go to the second person.. But just for your happiness don't do this to second person.. He will feel bad a lot if you will go again to your first love after some days.. Take one decision today only and if you have committed yourself in love with the second person then don't leave second person.. If u will leave him that will be very selfish and it will hurt him a lot.. what is his mistake who came second in your life.. whatever decision you will take should not hurt the second person if he is true to you.. Give love,take love.. Don't be selfish for your happiness..

Merlin_Paul · Apr 8, 2011, 04:05 AM

If you truly love your first guy, then there is no chance to fall in love with another guy. Am I right?
You may like him, but like is not love! Discuss your problems with your partner. It's a long relationship, I hope he can understand you. Don't be selfish and never think about break up without any serious reason.
Now you are ready to leave your first person, and want to go with the second person. Suppose, in future, who knows whether this second person is going to leave you or not for somebody else? So be sincere to your partner. Think with a cool mind and I am sure that you can make it.Best of luck! :)

Jake2008 · Apr 8, 2011, 04:34 AM

What's with justifying seeing another man on the side, and then finding fault with your partner of 8 years, as a reason for your bad behaviour. You've got this all backwards.

If you were having doubts, problems, concerns, etc. about the long established relationship, you only deal with that. You figure out, together, how to either overcome the problems, or realize that the relationship isn't going to work, and you move on.

If you are having doubts, problems, concerns, etc. you don't skip that part, and instead allow yourself to make a decision to cheat. That is a choice you made, and now you are predictably in a place where you have to justify it, because you are having doubts about what you did.

'True love' isn't having two men on the go at the same time. You can't be in love with one, at the expense of another, particularly because you are being dishonest, deceiptful, and unfaithful. I doubt that had you played fair, and had the maturity to discuss the relationship problems, BEFORE they turned into you choosing to sneak around with another man, you wouldn't find yourself in the position you are now.

And that position is still not being honest and doing the right thing. There is no way on God's green earth you can blame anybody for what you have done. There is no reason good enough to justify cheating on your partner. Please don't insult my intelligence as a woman by suggesting that you were not woman enough to know that you don't resolve issues with your partner by jumping into another man's bed.

Put on your big girl pants, step up, and tell your partner what you have done. He deserves the option of remaining in the relationship or not. Your options are not the same. YOU are now about to see the consequence of your own actions, and you will find that it would have been much easier to deal with things, rather than take the easy way out with another man.

Only when you can accept this situation for the cold hard truth that it is, and be honest and forthright with your partner, will you know what your future will, or will not be.

In the meanwhile, the man you are having the affair with (what kind of man would do that to another man's partner anyway) would be better left on the sidelines, out of the picture, until you and your partner figure out what is salvageable, and what is not.

ohgeez23 · Jun 19, 2011, 12:48 PM

I am always shocked at how many people say just discuss the problem, sometimes there are no easy solutions to marital problems. Sometimes the other partner is also being selfish, being separate and refuses to be close again. I know because I've been there. The lack of love and attention is enough to make you crazy. I completely understand where this person is coming from and all of you could not possibly judge until you've been there, I assume you have not because if you had you wouldn't be so harsh. I'm sure she has talked it out with her spouse and I am quite sure he refused to change. This is a desperate woman seeking the love she needs, not an idiot and she doesn't need advice from the likes of all you holier-than-thou judgmental jerks who have clearly never made a mistake or had a problem that couldn't be fixed by, "talking it out" in their lives.

talaniman · Jun 19, 2011, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by ohgeez23

I am always shocked at how many people say just discuss the problem, sometimes there are no easy solutions to marital problems. Sometimes the other partner is also being selfish, being separate and refuses to be close again. I know because I've been there. The lack of love and attention is enough to make you crazy. I completely understand where this person is coming from and all of you could not possibly judge until you've been there, I assume you have not because if you had you wouldn't be so harsh. I'm sure she has talked it out with her spouse and I am quite sure he refused to change. This is a desperate woman seeking the love she needs, not an idiot and she doesn't need advice from the likes of all you holier-than-thou judgmental jerks who have clearly never made a mistake or had a problem that couldn't be fixed by, "talking it out" in their lives.

talaniman disagrees: Instead of critisizing others, why not give your own advice since you have been there, done that. Or so you say. Well prove it!!!!!

ohgeez23 · Jun 19, 2011, 10:04 PM

Are all those exclamation points really necessary? I guess I didn't make it clear enough, I didn't really have any advice I wish I knew the answer myself. When you've done all the obvious things and nothing changes, you can't let go and you can't stay the same, you have to learn to live with one thing or the other. It's not as easy as so many of you have made it out to be, serious problems are rarely ever black and white that's what makes them problems. I just didn't appreciate all the unwarranted judgment she was receiving from people who have never actually been in her situation. I say do what you're comfortable with, do what makes you happy and if it isn't hurting anyone else that's fine, but love yourself first. I see a degree of selfishness as a virtue that many women lack while their husbands have no problem being selfish. My advice is, love yourself first.