[wahsdarb]

Hello all, so a little over a year and a half ago a woman moved in across the hall in my building. We hit it off from the beginning and began casually dating. I never intended the relationship to escalate to what it became, after all we lived right next door and I had just gotten out of a relationship. But a year and a half later we were still together.

In this time I was not what you would call a "model boyfriend". I never cheated or attempted to be with anyone else I just never let myself fully acknowledge my feelings for this girl, and subsequently was a huge jerk at times, and didn't give a girl who is beautiful on so many levels the respect that she deserves. I think a huge reason why the relationship lasted as long as it did was because of how convenient it was for the both of us. In this time she became very close with all of my best friends (and is now closer with a few of them than I ever will be)

We split up a little over 2 months ago. At first it was easy, I didn't want to see her and didn't want to talk to her, which sort of worked (we are neighbors after all) and then the holidays came around. We went to our respective places around the country to see family and friends and had time to actually not see or hear from or about the other person.

I missed her.

We saw each other for the first time on new years eve. It was great... she seemed like she had missed me over the holiday as well and she really seemed happy to be sharing the time together. Between then and now we have spent some time together (just the two of us, something that we hardly ever had when we were a couple) again, it has been great. I have made a concerted effort to look past the trivial annoyances that seemed to rule my thought in the recent past. I have honestly had a few of the best days that I've had in a long time, and feelings have begun to surface.

And then last night happened. It was a good friends birthday so we all went out and had drinks at a local bar. At some point in the night I get the feeling that there is a very negative sentiment being expressed to me in the form of condescending sarcastic remarks. On top of this I overhear her talking about having slept with an old friend of hers in the past few weeks. Of course I get quite upset, and eventually call her out on treating me like crap for the evening. We spoke (drunkenly) for several hours at the bar and we were able to express a lot of things that hadn't come out yet. It sucked... but felt so good to be honest with myself and her.

Now, I know this all stems from jealousy. I am jealous of the fact that some guy swung through town, had a great time with her and helped move her along on the path to getting over me. And I know that she has no real reason to be with me again. She is beautiful inside and out and has all the confidence in the world. BUT... she was over in my apt by 10am, checking on me and asking me to go to breakfast. After that we spent the rest of the day relaxing together watching movies on the couch and had an amazing time.

Now I am questioning if this is the direction things should go in. I am jealous, and it has a lot to do (im pretty sure) with just wanting what I can't have. But at the same time I still have very strong feelings for her, and these are being reaffirmed every day when it is just the two of us. But I'm not sure if I should try and pursue this again. I do love the girl so so much, and she is not only strikingly beautiful but she also has the most endearing heart I've ever known. I'm very afraid that if I did try this we would end up hurting each other more than we already have, and that we will fall into the same ugly routines that were kept up for the entirety of our relationship...

Any thoughts are more than appreciated... and sorry for such a long post. Very confused here in brooklyn.

[s2tp]

I suggest talking to her on a sober basis. I know how much easier it is to express things while intoxicated, but if you want to have a serious relationship work you have to be able to communicate.

When you talked that night, did you discuss how much you felt for her and did she express the same? Does she seem to want to pick things back up or is she on the friend level?

If the two of you can figure out what you want, in a relationship, a partner and see if you can both provide each other those things, then there could be a good hance of things working this time around.

You have acknowledged what you did wrong, you know what your weaknesses are, you need to let her know these things and decide if you can work them out together.

[ordinaryguy]

I suggest talking to her on a sober basis. I know how much easier it is to express things while intoxicated, but if you want to have a serious relationship work you have to be able to communicate.

I'll second this. You say it felt good to be honest with her, so try it sober and see if it still feels good. Also, since you were both drunk, there's no telling how much of what was said was actually heard and assimilated by either of you. But the fact that she's not totally pissed off must mean that whatever she heard you say wasn't a deal breaker, so try to say it again sober and confirm that you both can take the truth. If you can, you may be able to build on it and have a real relationship.

[chuff]

She appears to still like you. So take it slow and let things develop over time. Also I'm in agreement with the 2 posters above. Talk to her sober.

[confusedgirl]

hello all, so a little over a year and a half ago a woman moved in across the hall in my building. we hit it off from the beginning and began casually dating. i never intended the relationship to escalate to what it became, after all we lived right next door and i had just gotten out of a relationship. but a year and a half later we were still together.

in this time i was not what you would call a "model boyfriend". i never cheated or attempted to be with anyone else i just never let myself fully acknowledge my feelings for this girl, and subsequently was a huge jerk at times, and didnt give a girl who is beautiful on so many levels the respect that she deserves. i think a huge reason why the relationship lasted as long as it did was because of how convenient it was for the both of us. in this time she became very close with all of my best friends (and is now closer with a few of them than i ever will be)

we split up a little over 2 months ago. at first it was easy, i didnt want to see her and didnt want to talk to her, which sort of worked (we are neighbors after all) and then the holidays came around. we went to our respective places around the country to see family and friends and had time to actually not see or hear from or about the other person.

i missed her.

we saw each other for the first time on new years eve. it was great...she seemed like she had missed me over the holiday as well and she really seemed happy to be sharing the time together. between then and now we have spent some time together (just the two of us, something that we hardly ever had when we were a couple) again, it has been great. i have made a concerted effort to look past the trivial annoyances that seemed to rule my thought in the recent past. i have honestly had a few of the best days that ive had in a long time, and feelings have begun to surface.

and then last night happened. it was a good friends birthday so we all went out and had drinks at a local bar. at some point in the night i get the feeling that there is a very negative sentiment being expressed to me in the form of condescending sarcastic remarks. on top of this i overhear her talking about having slept with an old friend of hers in the past few weeks. of course i get quite upset, and eventually call her out on treating me like crap for the evening. we spoke (drunkenly) for several hours at the bar and we were able to express alot of things that hadnt come out yet. it sucked...but felt so good to be honest with myself and her.

now, i know this all stems from jealousy. i am jealous of the fact that some guy swung through town, had a great time with her and helped move her along on the path to getting over me. and i know that she has no real reason to be with me again. she is beautiful inside and out and has all the confidence in the world. BUT...she was over in my apt by 10am, checking on me and asking me to go to breakfast. after that we spent the rest of the day relaxing together watching movies on the couch and had an amazing time.

now i am questioning if this is the direction things should go in. i am jealous, and it has alot to do (im pretty sure) with just wanting what i can't have. but at the same time i still have very strong feelings for her, and these are being reaffirmed every day when it is just the two of us. but im not sure if i should try and pursue this again. i do love the girl so so much, and she is not only strikingly beautiful but she also has the most endearing heart ive ever known. im very afraid that if i did try this we would end up hurting each other more than we already have, and that we will fall into the same ugly routines that were kept up for the entirety of our relationship...

any thoughts are more than appreciated... and sorry for such a long post. very confused here in brooklyn.

If you are jelous of her, than that shows that you still have feelings for her. Take things slow, be honest don't say things you don't mean. The only way you can figure out your feelings for her is if you spend time with her. You have to give it a chance you don't want to spend the rest of your life knowing that something could have happened

[talaniman]

Go slow and build the communications and try to have fun. Sounds like this has a way to go.

[manimuth]

I actually believe that you are both pretty much on the same page: liking each other and wondering if the other likes back. I think, like everyone here has said, that you should COMMUNICATE! There is so much that is being left unsaid, that alcohol (the truth serum) brings out. So, talk about everything that has been left unsaid and clear up all the miscommunication and noncommunication that have put a wedge in between you guys for the past few months.

[wahsdarb]

Thank you so much to everyone... I've taken the advice about communicating clearly exactly what I want and have been as honest as possible. I've learned a lot about myself and her as well. We have been spending a lot of time together because of it and have been getting to know each other on a whole new level. She doesn't seem to want to let me get too close though. Its frustrating. I know its not going to be that easy and I wholly understand why she needs to protect herself but I am so afraid that we are going to do so well on just a purely friends level that she will not want me in a romantic sense ever again. I mean, she says she still has feelings for me, but admits that they are not the same as when we were together.

Am I just being a little too anxious about the whole situation, and are my concerns about never being romantic with her again valid? Is it just the adage that 'time will tell'?