Originally Posted by wahsdarb
hello all, so a little over a year and a half ago a woman moved in across the hall in my building. we hit it off from the beginning and began casually dating. i never intended the relationship to escalate to what it became, after all we lived right next door and i had just gotten out of a relationship. but a year and a half later we were still together.
in this time i was not what you would call a "model boyfriend". i never cheated or attempted to be with anyone else i just never let myself fully acknowledge my feelings for this girl, and subsequently was a huge jerk at times, and didnt give a girl who is beautiful on so many levels the respect that she deserves. i think a huge reason why the relationship lasted as long as it did was because of how convenient it was for the both of us. in this time she became very close with all of my best friends (and is now closer with a few of them than i ever will be)
we split up a little over 2 months ago. at first it was easy, i didnt want to see her and didnt want to talk to her, which sort of worked (we are neighbors after all) and then the holidays came around. we went to our respective places around the country to see family and friends and had time to actually not see or hear from or about the other person.
i missed her.
we saw each other for the first time on new years eve. it was great...she seemed like she had missed me over the holiday as well and she really seemed happy to be sharing the time together. between then and now we have spent some time together (just the two of us, something that we hardly ever had when we were a couple) again, it has been great. i have made a concerted effort to look past the trivial annoyances that seemed to rule my thought in the recent past. i have honestly had a few of the best days that ive had in a long time, and feelings have begun to surface.
and then last night happened. it was a good friends birthday so we all went out and had drinks at a local bar. at some point in the night i get the feeling that there is a very negative sentiment being expressed to me in the form of condescending sarcastic remarks. on top of this i overhear her talking about having slept with an old friend of hers in the past few weeks. of course i get quite upset, and eventually call her out on treating me like crap for the evening. we spoke (drunkenly) for several hours at the bar and we were able to express alot of things that hadnt come out yet. it sucked...but felt so good to be honest with myself and her.
now, i know this all stems from jealousy. i am jealous of the fact that some guy swung through town, had a great time with her and helped move her along on the path to getting over me. and i know that she has no real reason to be with me again. she is beautiful inside and out and has all the confidence in the world. BUT...she was over in my apt by 10am, checking on me and asking me to go to breakfast. after that we spent the rest of the day relaxing together watching movies on the couch and had an amazing time.
now i am questioning if this is the direction things should go in. i am jealous, and it has alot to do (im pretty sure) with just wanting what i can't have. but at the same time i still have very strong feelings for her, and these are being reaffirmed every day when it is just the two of us. but im not sure if i should try and pursue this again. i do love the girl so so much, and she is not only strikingly beautiful but she also has the most endearing heart ive ever known. im very afraid that if i did try this we would end up hurting each other more than we already have, and that we will fall into the same ugly routines that were kept up for the entirety of our relationship...
any thoughts are more than appreciated... and sorry for such a long post. very confused here in brooklyn.
