[chauntelleary]

The mother and I agreed on our son 6 months with her and 6 months with me. She lives in Arizona and I live in Texas. When my son came for the 6 months his teeth was very bad I though they were routen but when I took him to the dentist they said it was cavities that ate at his teeth real bad going into an infection but caught it in time. He had to get 10 silver caps, 5 rucanials and more. So I knew she was not taking care of my son, so I decided not to send him back. She came to try to take him when I told her that, she acted as she just wanted to see and him but she came with false intentions with the cops but they did not listen to her so he still is with me a year anf 7 months later. He has been living with me for a little over 2 years now and after that 1 time she never tried to seek any legal actions to get him back or tried to come get gim since. She never offered to help take care of him no money for him my son has started pre k last year and never once offered to help wth school supplies and clothes, this year he is in kindergarten and she still has not offered to help. Told her how much his teeth was going to cost she never offered help for it also. She has threaten me and my wife and the baby me and my wife have together. She has recently received a misdeamenor marijuanja charge and did not go to court for it so now she has a warrant. Also she has been carrying my son on her food stamps all things time as well. I have filed for full custody of my son and we go to court soon. My questions are has she committed abandonment since she has not tried to get him and has not sent no support for him?? And what you think my chances are of winning full custody of my son??

[ScottGem]

No she has not committed abandonment. There is a sticky note at the top of this forum that deals with this issue and explains abandonment.

Second was the 6 months hers and 6 months yours agreed to in court or was it just a private agreement between the two of you. Did you ever file for custody or support?

Sounds to me like you never went through the courts and are only trying to now. Based on what you have told us you should have no problem getting primary physical custody. Whether you can get FULL legal custody and/or prevent her from having visitation is questionable.

I can tell you you were wrong in not letting her take the child back after the dental issue. You should have, immediately filed for full custody THEN. You had no legal right to keep the child and are lucky the cops didn't force you to turn the child over to her.

[chauntelleary]

There are no court order the agreement was between us. It is not against the law to keep my child because no one has custody of him and nothing has never been filed in court. It is my son as well. The cops do not do anything about things like this if there is no court order. The court has been filed since the beginging of this year about January. When we tried to file at the end of last year we were told to locate her because she is out of state before any actions can take place. I never filed for child support.

[this8384]

The mother and I agreed on our son 6 months with her and 6 months with me. She lives in Arizona and I live in Texas.

When was this order entered? When did your visitation begin and when did hers end? How long had you gone without seeing your son before the agreement was entered?

When my son came for the 6 months his teeth was very bad I though they were routen but when I took him to the dentist they said it was cavities that ate at his teeth real bad going into an infection but caught it in time. He had to get 10 silver caps, 5 rucanials and more.

How old was your child at the time the dental work was performed? Did you talk to your ex about this?

So i knew she was not taking care of my son, so I decided not to send him back. She came to try to take him when I told her that, she acted as she just wanted to see and him but she came with false intentions with the cops but they did not listen to her so he still is with me a year anf 7 months later.

I'm surprised by this - very surprised. Unless you had proof of the child being abused or neglected, you should have had to return him to the custodial parent.

He has been living with me for a little over 2 years now and after that 1 time she never tryed to seek any legal actions to get him back or tryed to come get gim since. She never offered to help take care of him no money for him my son has started pre k last year and never once offered to help wth school supplies and clothes, this year he is in kindergarden and she still has not offered to help. Told her how much his teeth was going to cost she never offered help for it also. She has threaten me and my wife and the baby me and my wife have together. She has recently received a misdeamenor marijuanja charge and did not go to court for it so now she has a warrant. Also she has been carrying my son on her food stamps all things time as well. I have filed for full custody of my son and we go to court soon. My questions are has she committed abandonment since she has not tryed to get him and has not sent no support for him??? And what you think my chances are of winning full custody of my son???

As was already answered, this is not abandonment. Your son was not left alone on the side of the road; he was left with his parent.

You stated that she threatened you and your new family - did you contact the police? Is this documented somewhere?

It sounds as if you have a decent enough case - the mother is absent, hasn't made attempts to contact her child, you're married and have another child, the mother has a criminal history.

Of course, I'm only guessing because I don't have the full background on the story - I have no idea what your/your wife's criminal history is(if any), the mother could come to court and claim that you've been withholding the child, etc.

[chauntelleary]

There are no court orders of anything anywhere. Every agreement we had was always between us, so I cannot be faulted for not returning him it is more to the story than just his teeth not being taken care of. My wife and I have no criminal history, she will be graduating with her associates degree in October, I am in school we have a stable home. We have proof of a lot of things. My son was 3 years old when he was getting all this work done to his mouth. I informed her she basically said send him back I have medicaid and I will ltake him but before he left her she had medicaid for him and did not take him.

[chauntelleary]

We also have a police report of the threat as well.

[chauntelleary]

No she has not committed abandonment. There is a sticky note at the top of this forum that deals with this issue and explains abandonment.

Second was the 6 months hers and 6 months yours agreed to in court or was it just a private agreement between the two of you. Did you ever file for custody or support?

Sounds to me like you never went thru the courts and are only trying to now. Based on what you have told us you should have no problem getting primary physical custody. Whether you can get FULL legal custody and/or prevent her from having visitation is questionable.

I can tell you you were wrong in not letting her take the child back after the dental issue. You should have, immediately filed for full custody THEN. You had no legal right to keep the child and are lucky the cops didn't force you to turn the child over to her.

Nothing was never filled in court ever. Every agreement was between us. The cops cannot do anything about it because no one have custody of my son each of us have equal rights to him. It is more than just his teeth to the situation. I have never filled for child support against her. The case has been open since the beginning of the year when I tried to file last year they said we had to locate her first. She would not give me her address or anything of where she lives. So the process took longer.

[chauntelleary]

Nothing was never filled in court ever. Every agreement was between us. The cops cannot do anything about it because no one have custody of my son each of us have equal rights to him. It is more than just his teeth to the situation. I have never filled for child support against her. The case has been open since the begining of the year when I tryed to file last year they said we had to locate her first. She would not give me her address or anything of where she lives. So the process took longer.

We also tried to get a volunteer lawyer at after she trye dto take him but they stated by her being out of state they could not help us and to file for child support but I did not because that was not the route I wanted to go. I couldn't file immediately because I was told I had to wait at least 6 months of me having my son.

[chauntelleary]

When was this order entered? When did your visitation begin and when did hers end? How long had you gone without seeing your son before the agreement was entered?

The agreement is not a court order it was between us.


How old was your child at the time the dental work was performed? Did you talk to your ex about this?

All the dental wokr performed was when my son was 3 years of age. She knew didnt offer to help pay for it ($1800), all she said was to send him back she have medicaid for him, but she had it before my son left her and id not take him.


I'm surprised by this - very surprised. Unless you had proof of the child being abused or neglected, you should have had to return him to the custodial parent.

I have proof of several things regarding this matter. I have pictures of his mouth also the record from the dentist.

As was already answered, this is not abandonment. Your son was not left alone on the side of the road; he was left with his parent.

You stated that she threatened you and your new family - did you contact the police? Is this documented somewhere?


It sounds as if you have a decent enough case - the mother is absent, hasn't made attempts to contact her child, you're married and have another child, the mother has a criminal history.

Of course, I'm only guessing because I don't have the full background on the story - I have no idea what your/your wife's criminal history is(if any), the mother could come to court and claim that you've been withholding the child, etc.

Their is a police report for the threat of me and my family.

[this8384]

Nothing was never filled in court ever. Every agreement was between us. The cops cannot do anything about it because no one have custody of my son each of us have equal rights to him. It is more than just his teeth to the situation. I have never filled for child support against her. The case has been open since the begining of the year when I tryed to file last year they said we had to locate her first. She would not give me her address or anything of where she lives. So the process took longer.

Are you actually listed on the birth certificate? If not, then you are not the legal father of this child and this could be turn out bad.

What is your question at this point? Just our opinion on your chances of winning?

Unfortunately, the answer to that is "it depends on the judge." Most of them have their heads on right; a few have done absolutely insane things. I just learned of a little girl who, after nine months of investigation, was placed back into custody with her mother by a judge because he "couldn't determine who was abusing (the child)." A few months later, the child died due to blunt force trauma to the abdomen - her stepfather either punched or kicked her in the abdomen. Scary, to say the least. Thank God this isn't the norm.

[chauntelleary]

Are you actually listed on the birth certificate? If not, then you are not the legal father of this child and this could be turn out bad.

What is your question at this point? Just our opinion on your chances of winning?

Unfortunately, the answer to that is "it depends on the judge." Most of them have their heads on right; a few have done absolutely insane things. I just learned of a little girl who, after nine months of investigation, was placed back into custody with her mother by a judge because he "couldn't determine who was abusing (the child)." A few months later, the child died due to blunt force trauma to the abdomen - her stepfather either punched or kicked her in the abdomen. Scary, to say the least. Thank God this isn't the norm.

I am on the birth certificate. I have legal rights to my son. I can do what I feel is best for him. I just wanted to know my chances of winning custody? And is it abandonment on her part??

[smoothy]

I think the point they are trying to make is not assuming anything. It can get you in big trouble if you make the wrong assumption about the wrong thing.

[this8384]

I am on the birth certificate. I have legal rights to my son. I can do what I feel is best for him. I just wanted to know my chances of winning custody?? And is it abandonment on her part???

Yes, you can do what you feel is best for him - unless a judge says otherwise.

No one can tell you your "chances" because we don't have the full story. We're not the judge presiding over your case and we don't know what's going to happen. What you've posted here seems to be leaning in your favor, but it's not a guarantee that you'll win.

For the third time in this thread, no - this is not an abandonment issue. You can read about abandonment here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...st-364259.html

Another thought: I've very surprised that your ex was able to obtain food stamps and medical assistance for your child without the state coming after you for child support. That's very shocking.

[chauntelleary]

I think the point they are trying to make is not assuming anything. It can get you in big trouble if you make the wrong assumption about the wrong thing.

nothing is assumption everything I have is proof. I know what the court look for, its not what you know its what you can prove!!!!!!!

[this8384]

nothing is assumption everything I have is proof. I know what the court look for, its not what you know its what you can prove!!!!!!!

Why are you shouting at people? What he said is true - don't assume that you're going to win because your kid had poor dental care. If you want the honest truth, the judge is also going to look at you negatively for not having been involved enough to catch the problem earlier.

Do you still have a question?

[chauntelleary]

Why are you shouting at people? What he said is true - don't assume that you're going to win because your kid had poor dental care. If you want the honest truth, the judge is also going to look at you negatively for not having been involved enough to catch the problem earlier.

Do you still have a question?

I am not shouting if that is what it look like I apoligize. It is more than just the dental like I stated before. I have no negative about the situation or her. I still try to be friends with her because of my son. If everybody read the posting I have responded to people than they will get more to the story.

[smoothy]

nothing is assumption everything I have is proof. I know what the court look for, its not what you know its what you can prove!!!!!!!

You know what the charge for taking a minor across a state line without concent of the custodial parent is (you admit she did have the kid)? Akin to kidnaping is what it is, and you are talking Federal law at that point not state court. Then YOU are the one that has to defend your actions.

Yeah you MIGHT be able to beat it, but not before you get arrested and sent to jail IF she says you took the kid.

After all... what you have to prove or not depends on what side of the courtroom you are setting sometimes.

There is a huge difference sometimes between what we believe is the right thing... and what the law says is the right thing.


I know two guys sitting in jail right now in Virginia because they refuse to pay child support for children that DNA tests prove wasn't theirs, that their wives had as the result of adultery. So... you want to talk about what's fair, and what's right...

See what I'm trying to say?


I may think you are right (and trust me.. I'm NOT on her side here) YOU may think you are right... but it comes down to what the court thinks is right if SHE raises an objection. THe only opinion that is legally binding is the Judges. That is why you have to be careful. She could end up with the kid and you could end up in jail if you aren't careful.

[chauntelleary]

You know what the charge for taking a minor across a state line without concent of the custodial parent is (you admit she did have the kid)? Akin to kidnaping is what it is, and you are talking Federal law at that point not state court. Then YOU are the one that has to defend your actions.

Yeah you MIGHT be able to beat it, but not before you get arrested and sent to jail IF she says you took the kid.

After all....what you have to prove or not depends on what side of the courtroom you are setting sometimes.

There is a huge difference sometimes between what we believe is the right thing....and what the law says is the right thing.


I know two guys sitting in jail right now in Virginia because they refuse to pay child support for children that DNA tests prove wasn't theirs, that their wives had as the result of adultery. So....you want to talk about whats fair, and whats right.....

see what I'm trying to say?


I may think you are right (and trust me...,I'm NOT on her side here) YOU may think you are right....but it comes down to what the court thinks is right if SHE raises an objection. THe only opinion that is legally binding is the Judges. That is why you have to be careful. She could end up with the kid and you could end up in jail if you aren't careful.

I have not committed no federal offense. I have spoken with the police, lawyers , etc.. By no one have any court order she cannot do anything about it but take me to court.

[cdad]

There are no court order the agreement was between us. It is not against the law to keep my child because no one has custody of him and nothing has never been filed in court. It is my son as well. The cops do not do anything about things like this if their is no court order. The court has been filed since the beginging of this year about january. When we tryed to file at the end of last year we were told to locate her because she is out of state before any actions can take place. I never filed for child support.

Im curious. Have you been declared the legal father by the courts? Did you sign the birth certificate? Or paternity papers?

[chauntelleary]

Im curious. Have you been declared the legal father by the courts? Did you sign the birth certificate? Or paternity papers?

Yes I have done all of that and I am on the BC, I also have DNA papers that he is mines.