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benson1 · Nov 1, 2009, 03:05 PM

Yeah I know what you mean, I think I'm scared of how he would feel which is silly!"

I told him not to text unless he had came to some sort of decision. I really do just need to ignore him which is hard.

But he will never know what he is missing if I am there. I think I just needed to tell him how I felt, now he knows balls in his court now, and imj just looking at this is a break up, it would be a bonus if that could change but I'm not counting on it

Jayjay027 · Nov 1, 2009, 03:09 PM

You're best just getting on with your life and living it the way you would had you not met him.
If he wants you back, he knows where you are.
Other than that, you're just holding yourself back by allowing him to screw with your head.

benson1 · Nov 2, 2009, 07:13 AM

My ex broke up with me as he was feeling like a failure, nothing to offer, does not know if he wants kids marriage and does not want to waste my time. I explained these issues don't exists as far as I'm concerned, agreed on no contact but

He text me lastnight. He text saying I miss you. I had had a few drinks and told him I missed him too. Then he asked if he could come over. I told him no because I had people over. He simply said "no problem have a good night". I didn't reply

Then this morning he text saying sorry for texting you lastnight I do miss you and I'm sorry I shouldn't have text hope you had a good night otherwise"

I left it for a few hours then text back saying. its a bit long winded

" I miss you too but you clearly are not able to decide if its enough to be with me and that's why you need to think hard about whether you want me in your life. These issues with pressure of marriage just do not exist between us. You know how I feel about you so you need to think about how you feel about me. Until then I'm moving on in a way because I also need to accept that you might feel so unhappy with yourself for awhile and I can't wait. I told him that I wished we could get through this together but I kind of understand he needs to sort himself out alone.

Have I done the right thing?

He text back and said he knows it is up to him to sort his head out and find out what I want but understands I can't just hang around waiting.

He then explained that although it has nothing to do with me he needs to figure out about going back to uni before he can make any decisions.

Sorry to harp on guys but I'm struggling a bit? Do you think he does want to get back, is he missing me? Or just lonely ?

HELP!

talaniman · Nov 2, 2009, 07:20 AM

He is having a hard time making decisions for his own future, let alone make one about you.

That's why you leave him alone, so he can reach his own conclusions without your influence.

amicon · Nov 2, 2009, 07:22 AM

Contact is confusing isn't it? Id say mostly both people in an excouple miss the other one,but the point here is that he s still confused and you ll be better off not letting him draw you back into a conversation just because he felt like texting you-against the agreement you had.
Ps this thread will probably be merged with your original one as its about the same subject. :-)

benson1 · Nov 2, 2009, 07:30 AM

I was wondering! I know. I read a really interesting perception on heartache which helped. It said its like a war. But not between you and your ex but your head and your heart. I know I need to do nc in my head I just need to keep telling my heart that.

I am also trying to look at it as him being disrespectful for contacting me, as I asked him not to because it just confuses me and he did it anyway! He was not coming to me with a decision but because it would make him feel better!

I do really care about him and do want to be with him but the more I am away from him I know that's the last thing I want when he is like that.

But do you think that long winded text I sent

" I miss you too but you clearly are not able to decide if its enough to be with me and that's why you need to think hard about whether you want me in your life. These issues with pressure of marriage just do not exist between us. You know how I feel about you so you need to think about how you feel about me. Until then I'm moving on in a way because I also need to accept that you might feel so unhappy with yourself for awhile and I can't wait. I told him that I wished we could get through this together but I kind of understand he needs to sort himself out alone.

Was the right way to tell him this?

amicon · Nov 2, 2009, 07:41 AM

You did mention moving on and that you re not waiting so you ve made your point. Now stay no contact and don't reply to any such texts in the future,however tempted you are.

Imabadman · Nov 2, 2009, 11:26 AM

I think your text was OK. Typical things we all have done the first few weeks post break up. BUT... FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST... follow through now. You've made your point now show some resolve.

If you text this guy again tonight I'm so telling your mother...

benson1 · Nov 2, 2009, 11:35 AM

:) no I PROMISE I won't text!
I have settled on the couch with some sweets!
So rather than text him ill just get grossly overweight! Ha!
I just hope that if he does txt its some decision because finding the strength to ignore his texts needs more than a bar of chocolate!
But I have noticed when he was texting me and I ignored the reply he would text again!

Treat them mean keep them keen!

benson1 · Nov 3, 2009, 09:53 AM

I actually have something wrong with me in the head!
I just text him! WHY? I was at the airport and it reminded me of him when we went on holiday!
So I text telling him so! Am I INSANE??

amicon · Nov 3, 2009, 10:10 AM

There s nothing wrong with your head -you just had a weak moment.
Most of us do. Don't stare at the phone waiting for a reply-back to NC.

benson1 · Nov 3, 2009, 10:17 AM

He did reply, but I am angrey that I had a weak moment!
I never said anything too damaging just annoyed at myself!

redhed35 · Nov 3, 2009, 10:22 AM

Benson,you need boot camp no contact!

Delete his number...

Delete his picture...

Delete ALL texts messages from him,stop reading the old ones... yes all messages,even those ones hidden in the phone...

Delete delete delete...

Pick a friend you trust, any time you get the urge to text or make contact,ring them instead.

amicon · Nov 3, 2009, 10:22 AM

How about you delete his number?:-)

benson1 · Nov 3, 2009, 10:50 AM

I wish I could deleted from my head! Cause I know it by heart!
I did delte emails pics messages the lot but I know his number!
I need need need to be strong and ill txt a friend instead!

You know that way u have a memory and think awwwwwwww that's what happened!
I should be stronger!

Could it be worse?

redhed35 · Nov 3, 2009, 10:53 AM

Of course it could be worse...

The less you use the number,you will have a harder time remembering it.

Start again,that's all you can do...

We all fall,and we fall again,and some of us (my hand is up) continue to fall until we can't take the rejection any more,it just delays the healing process and makes the days longer.

Imabadman · Nov 3, 2009, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by benson1

I actually have something wrong with me in the head!
I just text him! WHY? I was at the airport and it reminded me of him when we went on holiday!!
So I text telling him so! Am I INSANE?!?!?!

Yes, you are. Can't say we didn't warn you. We all have to follow our own path. Here's hoping your's won't be bumpy.

benson1 · Nov 4, 2009, 05:44 AM

My ex text me lastnight and I swear I didn't txt back after the airport fiasco!
He said he is confused about if he does not want to have kids or if he doesn't if he wants it with me and feels confused about his age
Etc!I know when someone is thinking like that I need to walk away
But is it me that's made him think this or is it his own situation?
I just keep thinking its me!

amicon · Nov 4, 2009, 06:14 AM

His texts are just confusing you and he is breaking the agreed nc-walking away is right-how much longer do you want to be stuck in this?

benson1 · Nov 4, 2009, 06:50 AM

I don't! I don't want to hear anything from him and vice versa unless its constructive! But why say things like that?he says he is being honest but he says oh I don't want kids or I might just not with you! He seems mean but insure what the truth is? Doers that make sense!