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    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Aug 26, 2009, 03:42 PM
    New poem. To do or die.
    To do or die.

    Even with our hearts held high,
    We knew it wouldn't work out right.
    Were not the type to do or die,
    And we know deep inside,
    We can't win this fight.
    It started as perfect,
    Back when everything was right,
    But we knew it wouldn't work,
    Perfect couldn't keep our love alive.
    So we just kept telling, the same old lie,
    Because were not the kind, to do or die.
    We don't have the curage,
    To tell each other goodbye,
    So we just stay together,
    Knowing its not right.
    We've been together for quite some time,
    Both knowing it would never last.
    Staying this way, is not the answer,
    But we will just keep telling this lie,
    Because we are not the type, to do or die.


    -paige.
    Please leave comments, and tell me what you think.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Aug 26, 2009, 03:52 PM

    Very thought provoking.
    It makes one wonder about the desperation that keeps them together.
    I like it!
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
    		  
    #3

    Aug 31, 2009, 01:47 AM
    Nice job, paigerwaiger94!

    One comment that I have to make, would be for you to use a spell checker and check your spelling.

    The flow of what you've written is excellent!

    Is this perhaps, about something that happened in your own life?

    Thanks!
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #4

    Aug 31, 2009, 02:13 AM

    Hey,had to read it a few times,I liked it.
    A suggestion would be to break it up a little,perhaps into limes of 5.
    Its like a story.
    They meet.
    They realised its not working but yet stay together.
    They stay anyway.

    Good stuff paige.
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #5

    Aug 31, 2009, 02:21 PM

    Thanks for the suggestions guys!
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