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    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #1

    May 31, 2008, 08:23 PM
    What do you think of my poem
    I know where I am,
    I know where I'm going,
    I just hope I won't reep,
    This that I'm sewing,
    I know that'll
    Be there,
    I know that there,
    They'll care.
    I know it will be tough,
    And that I've had it rough,
    But I'll make it through,
    I'll see it true,
    I can do awsome things,
    Better than a million rings.
    I know I'll be scared,
    But I'll be prepared.
    I know where I am,
    I know where I'm going,
    I just hope I won't reep
    This that I'm sewing.
    But I know,
    I'll get there,
    Someday.
    "help me god" I pray,
    "so i'll know,
    my dreams can be so"
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #2

    May 31, 2008, 09:03 PM
    Very nice
    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #3

    May 31, 2008, 10:26 PM
    Really? Did it have too many metophores? Or better yet, did the metephores make sense?
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Jun 1, 2008, 08:02 AM
    I don't think there were too many, and yeah, they made sense.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #5

    Jun 1, 2008, 08:42 AM
    I see someone that is struggling in life , learning and trying to better themselves.
    Having hope and taking comfort in their faith. Very nice.
    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #6

    Jun 1, 2008, 10:56 AM
    bushg,
    Your seeing correct.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #7

    Jun 5, 2008, 02:13 AM
    bushg is very astute and observant.

    Your poem makes perfect sense to me. Your sharing something like that here is much appreciated!

    I hope that you don't mind, but I did edit your poem just a bit so that it might be a little bit more readable and rhyming/rhythmic in the poetic sense. Also, did you not mean sowing as compared to sewing? If I am bad for doing this, please let me know. I agree with bushg concerning the content and direction that your poem takes. It's a very nice poem! I'm not sure what you mean by "that'll" in the second stanza? Do you mean "they'll" as in "they will?" What is the title of your poem, please?

    I know where I am,
    I know where I'm going,
    I just hope I won't reep,
    This that I'm sowing,

    I know that'll
    Be there,
    I know that there,
    They'll care.

    I know it will be tough,
    And that I've had it rough,
    But I'll make it through,
    I'll see it true,

    I can do awsome things,
    Better than a million rings.
    I know I'll be scared,
    But I'll be prepared.

    I know where I am,
    I know where I'm going,
    I just hope I won't reep
    This that I'm sowing.

    But I know,
    I'll get there someday.

    "help me god" I pray,
    "so i'll know,

    my dreams can be so."
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
    		  
    #8

    Jun 5, 2008, 02:18 AM
    I am also wondering what it is that you are afraid of reaping that you are sowing..

    We all reap what we sow according to that which we dream and act upon for what will happen in our lives...
    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #9

    Jun 6, 2008, 01:46 PM
    Um mostly I don't know, I am worried that the choices I make will end in a horrible mess, like I have seen many in my family do, but I was trying to convey that I am going to try even though I am afraid. Thanks for editing it, I kind of rushed when I wrote that.
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