[Derrick E]

I met this wonderful girl online about 20 months ago. We hit it off right away. She fell head over heels for me and I was her world. She loved me very very much and we had a great sex life... during the relationship we never fought, only bickered here and there. We took a great vacation together, spent a couple Vdays, xmases and new years... It was a wonderful relationship. My friends and family all thought that this was it for me... I even thought I would marry this girl. She brought it up and I told her I would marry her one day. She loved her soooooooo much.

Anyway... things went south and she started distancing herself from me in the end. She told me I was selfish and a few other things and I needed to change. I was changing for the better (and she admitted it and said that if I continued to treat her better we would be fine) but she was changing for the worst. We fought constantly in the end and couldn't seem to get along and she blamed it on me. I know it wasn't me. I know at the very end she cheated on me and then broke up with me through a text message... She lived with me so I had to stay in contact with her after the breakup... in fact I bombarded her with text and questions and things got a little ugly and some hurtful things were said. She knows I still love her very much and I know she has to still love me but isn't in love with me. She has avoided any in person conversation or phone calling me. I think she feels guilty and she seems angry with me. Now I realize the mistakes in the relationship I made and that I could have probably prevented this... if I had a second chance I know things could be perfect between us again but I feel like by txting her so much and confessing my love to her for the past week while nagging her to get her crap out of my house that I have pushed her farther away. So much has happened to damage the relationship but I don't think it is impossible to repair. I have to start the NC thing now and I miss her terribly... I cry every morning when I wake up and think about her constantly... I know I can forgive her if things went back to normal and she told the other guy to never call her again... What should I do to win her back!! I am so empty without her and she just completed me to the fullest... she made me sooo happy.

One of my gfs talked to her and she said that she told her she tried to get me to change and kept saying it and saying it but I didn't and then finally she made her mind up and that once her mind is made up that is it. She took all pictures of us off her myspace (which I deleted her myspace account cause that's where she was talking to the guy she is hooking up with now)... she left every sentimental thing I have bought her and left... but I packed up all her sex toys (we bought) and every card and photo album and everything she ever got me in her stuff... I also packed up stuff I bought her and put some of my shirts she used to wair in her stuff... I also sprayed quite a bit of stuff with my cologne... WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS WILL DO TO HER WHEN SHE UNPACKS HER STUFF AND SEES THESE MEMORIES SHE TRIED TO DISCARD? I don't want to hang onto any false hope or anything but what can I do to accept that this is it for the relationship and try to get her back without any false hopes at the same time? Its my Birthday today and this happened a week ago!!

[taoplr]

Straight answer, Derrick: Give this one up. You have lost her. Between your hurtful behavior and hers, and adding on your unconsciousness and hers, you are describing a situation that has very little chance of being repaired. It sounds like there's too much "cheap-shooting" between you to indicate that you should keep your hopes up. Her breaking up by texting and your move with the shirts and cologne are examples of cheap shots.

That's not to say that your feelings aren't real and important. I know it hurts. Deal with the hurt by accepting it and learning from it. Reflect on your mistakes and forgive yourself. Let go. If you have further contact, be a gentleman. Go NC ASAP. When you are ready, you will forgive her, and a weight will fall away from you.

Tao