[Romefalls19]

After reading other people's posts, and being a victim of insecurity and jealousy myself. I know how bad things can get because of this problem. A little debate at work has brought the same question to you guys and girls. Can music and movies play a role in people being insecure? What I mean is not looks wise but cheating, a lot of popular songs are about cheating or being cheated on. Think about it, Hinder's "Lips from an angel", Chris Brown's "Damage" among others are all about being cheated on, cheating or being in a relationship in which you still have feelings for another. Personally, I do think this can cause some problems inside ones head, especially if they feel slightly insecure or jealous already.

What do you guys think?

[starlite1]

Hi Rome,

I'm with you. I do feel that this can cause someone who already has insecurity to think dark thoughts portrayed by the songs and movies. I have issues with being insecure and jealousy (as you know LOL!) and by hearing the words of songs or watching a movie that has these topics, I get so nervous and my mind starts to think 'does everyone cheat'? Is the person I am with getting ideas about being with someone else because it is expressed in front of there eyes or ears?

[UnluckyDucky]

I believe music and other media can amplify existing emotions and feelings that are already there. You could say the same thing about being depressed and listening to depressing songs or being happy and listening to happy songs.

[Romefalls19]

Starlite, that is exactly how I feel. I have heard songs where the guy is "just a friend", Taking Back Sunday's "Ballad of Sal Villanueva" or some songs about meeting another at work and the relationship growing. It does shed some terrible thoughts, even if the person you're with would never do that. You know the type of person they are, usually anyway

[starlite1]

Hi Rome,

I am the same way. Hence why I get so nervous even if I see an attractive women on the street. I would say to myself, 'if my boyfriend saw her, he would propably want to 'f&*^ her', even though that isn't the case. If he were single then maybe, but because he loves me and is in a relationship with me he wouldn't. But my insecurities and jealousy kicks in and the dark thoughts come into play.

[Romefalls19]

Yep, I battle those everyday but I'm starting to let it go. I know my fiancé loves me and is happy with the relationship. On the other side, if she does stray, I know I have my friends on this forum that will help me through it like they have last time.

[starlite1]

Honey, you've got that right. We will always be here for you. But, I don't see her straying. She would be crazy if she did! She has got herself a great man!

[Romefalls19]

Ha ha awl, thanks Star. I guess it's true, we have to go through the bad ones to appreciate the great ones. I know I went through a bunch of bad ones ha ha

[spitvenom]

I can see it effecting kids but if an adult lets music or movies effect them to a point where they start to imitate the movies or music then they have a much bigger problem on their hands. That says to me that a grown adult doesn't even have control over their own mind. And that is sad.

[starlite1]

Oh same here! But you are right, they are not all bad, and that is one thing that you and I need to keep remembering.

[starlite1]

Hi Spit,

I agree with you. If someone starts thinking and/or acting to what the movie or song is portraying (in other words 'plants a seed') then you are correct, that would be wrong.

[kctiger]

I would tend to think it depends on your mind frame at a certain point in time. I have a theory that some ingrained personality traits are only apparent when something triggers them to become apparent. For instance, when someone is insecure, that doesn't mean they act that way all of the time, but I have found that their insecurity is enhanced when certain environmental factors influence them. It is almost like the "fight or flight" response we have...

I would hope that a song doesn't trigger certain thoughts (or actions), but put in perspective. I don't know how many times I have been really depressed or sad and some sappy love song would come on, only enhancing my current emotions. So, I can see, at the right times, where it can have an impact on normal behavior, turning something totally rational into something completely irrational. Depending upon your current emotional state, it can easily rub salt into your wound, so to speak.

[Romefalls19]

Kc , you have hit my argument right on the head! It's all dependent on the state of mind you are in. If you are a little insecure and your spouse is out some where, you can play it off and keep busy, but hear a song about how someone is out with their ex, it's over ha ha. You will be worried until you see them

[starlite1]

Exactly; another good point!

[frangipanis]

I struggle with similar insecurities at times and can go from being happy and secure one minute, to insecure and insanely jealous the next through little provocation.

When I'm feeling strong, music and movies have little impact except to enhance the good feelings; when I'm insecure, those same songs and movies have the opposite effect and I have to avoid them... or tend to anyway.

At my age, I guess I'm supposed to be above all this, only I'm not. What I have found has helped in my current relationship with a partner who, in my mind, is very attractive; sociable; who has lots of opportunity to meet attractive and available women; lives on his own on a property where he gets lots of privacy; has money to afford a luxurious fling or even a mistress; and travels interstate (often needing to stay overnight) between two to three times a month... is to have sat down with him to talk in length about how I feel about cheating, my fears, and basic expectations of wanting to be treated with love and dignity by each other. He actually understands all that...

Needing this talk is not about whether your partner is committed to you for the rest of your life, so isn't as threatening to either one. It's like requesting a 'code of ethics' be built into your relationship from the start... a kind of bottom line to your friendship.

If your partner can't look you empathically in the eyes and agree to certain core values and you're the type that easily gets jealous, then I'd suggest the relationship may cause you too much anxiety. And so unless your partner enjoys making you jealous, which is a separate issue, once you have that sort of agreement and a sense your partner understands how you feel, there are no excuses and no choice but to relinquish them of any responsibility for your jealousies and insecurities.

From there-on-in, things that may help when confronted by irrational fears, is to look at websites on 'how to tell if your partner is cheating' and anything else that helps to understand what's beneath jealous feelings, journaling, talking with friends, sharing concerns with others (here, for instance), and whatever else works.

Like any other emotionally based problem, owning the problem is the beginning of change... she says, optimistically :D ;)

[artlady]

Hay Rome a good question.
I think its kind of a generational thing when it comes to media and its target audience.I am 54 so the commercials targeted at my group are Viagra,arthritis meds,things that concern us old folks.
Is there this impossible commercial image of perfect people causing insecurity,I would say so.

Music,I think if you were young and very impressionable,it would be a factor but as you grow you get that glorifying anything bad isn't cool.

Sad thing is the young are very impressionable.I don't like the glorification of violence in music either.
I have two sons 22 and 28 and one is a DJ so I listen to tons of music. I think the trend is moving forward and gansta rap is falling away.My son just told me gansta is still very much out there.
Did I digress :)

[DSM521]

I agree with what everyone has said. It is true that if you are feeling strong or secure in your relationship that the movie or song will not get to you as much.

I have the same feelings as all hear. My wife has always wanted me to watch the move "The Note Book" with her. But I can't bring myself to sit down with her and watch it with her because I feel she will be thinking about her ex-boyfriend and not me. I feel she really has never got him out of her mind because she has looked him up on my-space and through friends. She says its nothing but I feel if it were she would not care to look him up.

So I agree songs and movies can add to the paranoia.