[Kia]

What constitutes cheating? Outside of sex and dates with other people...
Does it include talking frequently to an ex, or hanging out with an ex? Does it include seeing or spending time with someone you have been intimate with in the past even though you do not plan for things to go anywhere now? Does it include taking numbers of the opposite sex just for friendly purposes, even though you may be attracted to them?

Ive heard opinions arguing yes and no on all of these situations, but I'm not sure..

Also does anyone think that the rules should be different for men & women when it comes to these types of situations? For instance, I know myself as a woman I am easily able to stop situations if I feel uncomfortable or if things get heavy. Its easy for me to have men friends withough sexual stuff going on. I don't find it the same way with most guys. They often look at women in some sexual kind of way, an if the mood is right they just might " slip up". So is it wrong for me to not to want my significant other to be in these types of situations, even though I believe it is okay for me? Would love some feedback; thanks:)

[kctiger]

Also does anyone think that the rules should be different for men & women when it comes to these types of situations? For instance, I know myself as a woman I am easily able to stop situations if I feel uncomfortable or if things get heavy. Its easy for me to have men friends withough sexual stuff going on. I don't find it the same way with most guys. They often look at women in some sexual kind of way, an if the mood is right they just might " slip up". So is it wrong for me to not to want my signficant other to be in these types of situations, even though I believe it is okay for me? Would love some feedback; thanks:)

This has got to be the biggest double standard I have read in a long time... Are you serious with this stuff? You may want to re-evaluate your stance on this...

On a side note, Google cheating, it is many different things. I constitute it as not only having feelings for someone else, but acting on those feelings, whether emotionally or physcially. You can be attracted towards someone all you want, but it is how you handle those feelings that tow the line on cheating. It is a matter of character, not gender.

[Nestorian]

What constitutes cheating? Outside of sex and dates with other people...
Does it include talking frequently to an ex, or hanging out with an ex? Does it include seeing or spending time with someone you have been intimate with in the past even though you do not plan for things to go anywhere now? Does it include taking numbers of the opposite sex just for friendly purposes, even though you may be attracted to them?

Ive heard opinions arguing yes and no on all of these situations, but I'm not sure..

Also does anyone think that the rules should be different for men & women when it comes to these types of situations? For instance, I know myself as a woman I am easily able to stop situations if I feel uncomfortable or if things get heavy. Its easy for me to have men friends withough sexual stuff going on. I don't find it the same way with most guys. They often look at women in some sexual kind of way, an if the mood is right they just might " slip up". So is it wrong for me to not to want my signficant other to be in these types of situations, even though I believe it is okay for me? Would love some feedback; thanks:)

Humm?? Those kinds of things are up to you to decide. What do you think about them?

Morimportantly, why do you think it's different for men than women? Women can be 10 times hornier than men, and vise versa. If you can't trust him why you with him? Do you really trust yourself? If so, then why don't you think the guys you're with won't take what they want?? (please be careful with yourself, most of my Girl "friends" that have bin sexually abused were abused by guys they "trusted" with their lives. Just be aware of that possibility.) Also, if you're out with guy friends being intimate, not really cuddling, sex or any thing, but you know. Then who is he supposed to be intimate with, especailly if you're with a another guy? He may not kiss, have sex, cuddle, nor even huge his girl "friends" but he likes their company, while you are in the company of another man. Think about it, because not that you are being rude, but maybe a little bit insecure. Does your BF and guy Friends hang out or even get along? IF not, BIG RED FLAGS! That means you are separating one from the other, and spending time with one for one reason and the other for the another reason, something's missing perhaps.

The question is, what do you do with your friends, where do you draw this "line", that you never cross? What does your BF do with his friends, and where does he draw the line?

Not to be rude, but if you're upset at him for hanging out with his GFs, its only logical he feels the same with you about yor BFs. I'm not saying you can't have friends, but you need to work out what is OK, and what is not, like no bing alone at the other persons home with them, or in your own. Make and define your lines, for both of you.

Peace be with you.

[Kia]

Well I hear what you are saying , but I don't think I am being sexist though. You are talking as if this is an utopian world where all living things are equal & men & women as well. I do not think that men & women are wired the same which is why I make these observations. This is the reason why men get so turned on by visual items like sex posters, pornos & strippers. Women like them too, but not to the same degree. Men think about sex a lot more than women & focus more on body parts before the personality, where women are usually opposite. Yes there all always exceptions to the rule, but on avergage men are more body & sex driven thean women are.

This is why I think certain situations are more of a temptation to men than for women, that's all I'm saying..

[itried]

Cheating implies that certain "rules" have been broken (in the game of a relationship). From an outsiders perspective, we assign the "rules" that apply to our relationship to other people and to their relationships because we think that everyone feels the same way that we do about certain things. This however, is not true. Every relationship is different and thus has different "rules" based on the people who are in it and their expectations of their partners conduct.

What I suggest you do is speak to your boyfriend about what you feel constitutes cheating (i.e. your "rules"). Basically, anything your partner does that makes you feel uncomfortable should be taken into account, and vice versa. I don't think the rules should be different for men or women, I just think that the rules should be different for every different relationship. So, if you are doing something that you know won't sit well with your partner I think you could definitely be pushing the limit. All of this has to be within reason however. For example: not wanting your boyfriend or girlfriend to ever speak to the opposite sex is going a little too far. Hope this makes sense.

[Kia]

No that's not it. I don't mind if he speaks to other women. But basically, I am somewhat of a tomboy. I like hanging with guys, playingsports, cars 7 dominos; stuff like that. I enjoy this stuff, because Ive always been like that. I would not however like my significant other to do these things because he does not hang with women like that. If he did, all of a sudden I would know there is a problem.

But, I personally miss hanging with guys like I used to. But I don't do it because I don't want him to start doing it because I know it won't be the same..

This is the main reason why I asked the question...

[itried]

All right, so then you have a double standard. Just remember, from a guys perspective, all your guy friends will definitely sleep with you if the opportunity arises. Your boyfriend knows this. It bugs him. Does he have any reason to be insecure?

[Nestorian]

Kia, the question isn't what is cheating. It's do you love this guy you are with enough to change your life for him, or not?

What difference does it make what we think?

Peace be with you.

[Alty]

I do not think that men & women are wired the same which is why I make these observations.

So, you, as a woman, think that because you're "wired" differently then it's okay to hang out with other guys, but, your boyfriend shouldn't hang out with other girls.

You do realize that you're asking your boyfriend to trust the guys you're hanging out with, and you've said that guys are more inclined to go after sex, so you're basically going out with a bunch of sex maniacs and that should be okay with your boyfriend. But, you're boyfriend, only one male, isn't allowed to go out with a female friend because you think he'll cheat . Yup, double standard. Is he supposed to trust the guys you go out with when you don't trust him?

Either it's okay for both of you or not for either one of you. You can't have separate rules for him.

[itried]

I really don't think you should have to change yourself to make someone like or love you. Either they love you for who you are and all that comes with you, or they don't. What people should actually be doing, in my opinion, is working harder to allow the facets that your partner loves about you to shine through more brilliantly. The fact that you're a tomboy doesn't mean that you're going to cheat. Like kctiger said, it's his perception of your character, along with his insecurities that are the problem. You do have bit of a double standard, but in this case I'll give it a pass. If he starts to hang around with girls just to give you a taste of your medicine, then that's childish. I dated a tomboy who hung out with her guy friends and it didn't bother me. She even told me that a few of them asked her out and were interested in her. I still didn't care. It just boosted my self-esteem to know my woman was in high demand. I had faith in her character and didn't feel threatened at all.

[Romefalls19]

OK, I will address several points in this post to try and clear things up.

1. What is cheating? Well I believe cheating can be whatever you and your partner have discussed and disclosed to each other how you feel on these situations. For me, I request that contact with my fiance's ex be limited to being about the children(2) they have. I also wouldn't feel comfortable with her going and hanging out alone with her ex either. Rules are something that should be addressed before you begin the relationship so that both parties agree to the terms. Would you sign a contract that can be changed whenever they please? Didn't think so.

2. You may not be sexist, but you certainly have double standards. But for sake of your argument, let's say you're right about the guys.(which you aren't) well what about the guy friends you have? Should your guy be okay with you hanging out alone with them? Because from your description of guys, they all want sex and only become friends with girls because of sexual attraction to them.

3. I would be highly upset if my fiancé went out somewhere and was getting guys numbers. I wouldn't flip out, I'd simply start packing her bags. Why? Because this was discussed BEFORE we became "official" All relationships have boundaries.

4. I will admit guys do think about sex, a lot. Perhaps more than most girls, but I've met some wiry ones but that doesn't mean we are cavemen that are going to jump everything that walks into a room.

5. You need to think about things before you start demanding stuff. Both sexes can have friends without someone starting a romantic tryst.

[liz28]

You know what, temptations are every where in the world. That is normal. There is always someone smarter or sexier or richer or whatever out there. But when you have made a commitment to a person, your duty is to avoid those temptations. A guy can look at another girl and think, "Wow, she's pretty" and vice versa with a female about a guy, that's normal. But to think "Wow, I have to get to know that pretty girl, my girlfriend will never find out" and act on that thought is a betrayal. The guy or girl is now spending his or her time, his or her energies and efforts on another girl or guy - not their boyfriend or girlfriend.

I don't know how old you is but your views are jaded. What is good for the goose should be good for the gooner. It doesn't matter what sex you are, male or female, people cheat. When they do that person should be judge not a whole sex.

I think cheating is when someone has a sexual or emotional attachment with someone other than their mate.

[Rachel005]

For me, if my boyfriend ever talked to his ex that would be concitered cheating for me or with his past sexual partners cause what do they have to do with anything now what's his purpose for talking to that person.

[talaniman]

Cheating is whatever two partners agree that it is, and needs to be defined as soon as they agree to be exclusive.

Your double standard has so many holes in it, that I can only wish you luck finding some boob who will go along with it. Sorry.

[Arzy99]

Just a quick question guys out of interest purely... how did some of you address these boundaries with your S/O without it seeming as if you are controlling or whatever?.

[talaniman]

I am a good listener.

[Romefalls19]

The key is to address the issues with them while explaining your reasoning, don't sound like you are attacking them. Simply explain your boundaries and why you feel they are just. Listen to your partner and if need be, compromise and you will be amazed at how well this type of communication will go for you

[Kia]

Well in answer to your question about what a guy should think if I'm hanging around guy friends, I believe that women can more easily resist a man & stay faithful. This is because again, we are wired differently. Women are used to guys hitting on them, we get it in the streets or wherever we may go. We are used to resisting & we usually operate from emotion, as in, we usually won't sleep with a guy unless we have some emotional connection or strong romantic feelings. Men, on the other hand look more at sex as an itch that needs to be scratched. They can just have sex without thinking that much about it afterwards. Then go home to their significant other.

Soo.. if they are just chilling around women friends and they get a little horny, they are more apt to " get some" & go about their business later & keep the friendship like nothing happened.

Also, my boyfriend is not one of those understanding types. If I suggest going to hang out with male friends, I'm sure he will go hang out with chicks, just because he would feel free to do it. Call it childish, but that is the way he is. That's the only reason that I have stopped hanging out with mine, or I don't tell him. Not because I think he will be jealous or crazy, but because I believe he will start doing it himself.

[kctiger]

well in answer to your question about what a guy should think if I'm hanging around guy friends, I believe that women can more easily resist a man & stay faithful. This is because again, we are wired differently. Women are used to guys hitting on them, we get it in the streets or wherever we may go. We are used to resisting & we usually operate from emotion, as in, we usually won't sleep with a guy unless we have some emotional connection or strong romantic feelings. Men, on the other hand look more at sex as an itch that needs to be scratched. They can just have sex without thinking that much about it afterwards. Then go home to their significant other.

Soo.. if they are just chilling around women friends and they get a little horny, they are more apt to " get some" & go about their business later & keep the friendship like nothing happened.

Also, my bf is not one of those understanding types. If I suggest going to hang out with male friends, I'm sure he will go hang out with chicks, just because he would feel free to do it. Call it childish, but that is the way he is. Thats the only reason that I have stopped hanging out with mine, or I don't tell him. Not because I think he will be jealous or crazy, but because I believe he will start doing it himself.

Both of you sound too immature to be in a relationship right now... at least, not with each other. Just my opinion.

Also, I tend to think you give women in general a little too much credit...

[Arzy99]

Had to spread the rep kc.. I agree