[jofran]

Me and my husband was married for 5 yrs and he is 6 yrs younger than me. We never had a problem before until last yr when he cheated on me. Of course I don't trust him anymore but I accept him back since I said that nobodys perfect we all make mistakes. But all I ask from him is that he needs to work on my trust but he never did he even make it worst. April of this yr he started acting weird, a week before he told me that he wants to live by himself and be a bachelor again he was chatting with another lady from his work. I found it out 'cause every time I look in the computer he deleted it immediately. So I was suspecting that there's something going on. So we are now 5 months separated and he keeps calling me and still wants to hang out with me sometimes we even have sex. I try my best to not call him and make myself busy but it's just hard to forget about it. Especially of what he did to me. When he told me that we wants to move out he left me nothing he abandon me like a dog without a owner. He knows that I can't afford to have my own and he can since he just got promoted from his job as a manager and me just have enough for myself. I try to confince him if we can still work it out and talk about the things that maybe I didn't know what he wants. But he really wants to move out 'cause as he said that if we still going to be together then he will end up cheating on me again. So I let him go and respect his decisions. And he doesn't know that I still have access to his myspace and I can see that he is flirting with a lot of ladies. I just don't understand is that every time I ask him or talked about the divorce papers he don't want to do it. But I want to do it. Because as I can see that there's no more chance or hope for both of us to be together again. I was living in my friends house for a month in the garage since he won't let me live with him just until I found a place on my own. I was really upset of him I was so mad at him, so I let my friend call him and I listen to their conversation. My friend ask him if he can just let me stay there for like a week since I was looking and found a place but he will move out in like a week. This is what he told my friend, he don't want me to live with him 'cause what will his friends will say, what will they say if they found out that I'm living with him again. Such bull reasons. So I was crying 'cause after what I've done to him I give my all to him and this is all he do to me. I serve him like a prince I did everything in the house I mean evrything that allhe do is work and when he comes home he just play video games. But I talk to him the other night and I ask him straight if we still have a chance to be back together and he said that he thougt that were over already. So, I told myself that OK then thank you then now I will move on and I will do the paper work and then he didn't say anything. I don't have money to pay for a separation or divorce but I'm looking for a legal aid right now. I still love him but evrytime I think of all the things he did to me I get so mad at him.
I want to move on and let him go but it's really really hard. Until now he still calling me and he said that he don't want us to ended up like we will not talking and will not see each other anymore. I don't know if I'm still going to believe him but I can't say no. I'm trying but it's really hard.
What should I do? Please I need some advise.
Thank you,
jofran

[jrebel7]

I am so sorry for your sadness jofran. You were very open in your post and that is healthy, to be able to just put it all down in writing. Maybe even now, since posting, you have more clairty of thought.

From what you shared here, I would strongly urge you to find legal aid, serve the papers and be done with it. Your husband has taken something sacred and made a mockery of it. He wants "his cake and eat it too" if you are familiar with that phraseology. He want to keep you around to make him feel comfortable, have sex on occasion, and not have to pay alimony. You could pay for your rent if he were paying alimony. I know you love him and it hurts when he treats you like this. Once you file and begin a new life, without him in it, I think you will begin to feel fresh and new and you will then wonder why you waited so long. You have given this ample time to work out. It won't by his own admission. Go forward with your life. It will get easier once you take the first step, the second, the third, etc. I hope the best for you. Others will be along and post also. Take care of you! It is time now.

[Budhabelly]

Unfortunatelly its sound like he is using you.
You are upset and drained, and you should now only worry about yourself. This man will never make you happy, he will drain you physically and emotinally until he finds another women, and you will be dumped. He has no respect for you, and obviously he knows you can't tell him no. It time for you to move on.
Break any contact with him, change phone numbers, and place of living if you can. Once you decide to do this, opportunities will come to you.
Start rebuilding your life and most imprtantly YOUR HAPPINESS!
Good luck

[ordinaryguy]

I just dont understand is that everytime i ask him or talked about the divorce papers he don't want to do it. But i want to do it.

The reason he doesn't want a divorce is that he knows you'll probably be awarded half of his assets, and possibly alimony as well.

I want to move on and let him go but it's really really hard. Until now he still calling me and he said that he don't want us to ended up like we wil not talking and will not see each other anymore. I don't know if i'm still going to believe him but i can't say no. I'm trying but it's really hard.
What should i do?? Please i need some advise.

Yes, it is hard, but you need to learn to say NO and mean it. No more booty calls. File for divorce as soon as you can.

[JBeaucaire]

Legal methods are your friend now. You MUST employ them.

Not only is a divorce in order, right now you have an abandonment claim as well. This stuff is hard and unfortunate and tragic, but he is who he is. I know you love him, but you have to love YOU as well.

Love God, love yourself, love others. That's a balanced life. As long as you are NOT loving yourself, you can't love others in a useful way. So let's get your life back, OK? You don't need his permission for that, but you DO need a lawyer's help.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

He wants you to make things easy for him to do exactly what he wants when he wants & will say what he can to do to make that happen. You know his actions don't begin to show the amount of caring much less love he should be showing you. That won't improve until he wants it to, is willing / able to get the help he needs & that's not happening. Instead, he is happily flirting with other women while you barely have a roof over your head & he doesn't care about that either.

He's given you no other choice but to divorce him & do much much better for yourself. Your best bet is to stay away from him, not have any contact with him at all you don't have to (which a divorce being filed will make much easier) & focus on what is good for your life. He will only keep contaminating your heart & mind with his nonsense as long as you keep allowing him to. As hard as it is, you need to take care of yourself first & let him go to his self created hell without you in it.

I'm sorry you have had such a tuff time, you definitely deserve much better...

[talaniman]

Until you get a lawyer, and get the ball rolling, there is nothing any one can do for you. Its time to stand up for yourself!!