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krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What do you want from her? Total commitment? An open marriage?

I would love TOTAL commitment... I at first refused marriage counseling when she wanted to go. I would love it if we went but now she refuses to go. I just feel stuck. We start to do well then I feel that she wants to keep playing w two guys.

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 10:52 AM

My suggestion is to file for divorce and do No Contact. Totally.

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

My suggestion is to file for divorce and do No Contact. Totally.

Wouldn't her pride just get in the way? What if she just says the hell with it and goes through with it? I don't want to regret anything later :(

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:00 AM

You're not getting anywhere now. Okay, first ask her to reconsider getting couples counseling. If she says no, then tell her you are going to file for divorce.

You really do need to set boundaries. So far, she is walking all over you like a fuzzy doormat. Unless... you are okay with the current arrangement for her sleeping with whomever and doing a booty call with you when she feels like she wants to ring your bell. If that's the case, just keep on keeping on.

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You're not getting anywhere now. Okay, first ask her to reconsider getting couples counseling. If she says no, then tell her you are going to file for divorce.

You really do need to set boundaries. So far, she is walking all over you like a fuzzy doormat. Unless....you are okay with the current arrangement for her sleeping with whomever and doing a booty call with you when she feels like she wants to ring your bell. If that's the case, just keep on keeping on.

Is there anything else I can do that doesn't have to file for divorce? Like maybe move away and limit certain things? I can't do no contact. We have a 2 yr old son

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:13 AM

You need to set boundaries. No Contact except for discussion about the son. Anything else -- no. Getting a legal separation and moving away might help. Do you live together now?

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You need to set boundaries. No Contact except for discussion about the son. Anything else -- no. Getting a legal separation and moving away might help. Do you live together now?

We currently live separately. She is going to move in with her friend and I just got kicked out of my parents place. So I was thinking of moving about 2 hours away.
Can you give me more examples on the boundries I should limit. I feel so confused I don't even know where to start sometimes were fine and others its just awkward. Im also going to mention that she had said that she wanted to be more sexually active with me but didn't want to get pregnant. And last week we were having unprotected sex and she asked me to finish inside of her. I didn't question her and did as she asked. At that moment I felt like she changed a little with me.

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:31 AM

Please give some background -- how are are the two of you, how did you meet, how long married, etc.

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Please give some background -- how are are the two of you, how did you meet, how long married, etc.

I think this will explain a lot... It's a previous post of mine

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-715670.html

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:37 AM

I think the two of you are playing games with each other.

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I think the two of you are playing games with each other.

I think she's the one playing games. I'm serious when I say I'm willing to try whatever to fix this. She accused me of not being a forgiving person but all these games she's playing with me are proof that I can forgive. Even though I cheated first it doesn't give her the right to treat me this way.

So how do I take control of this situation that's getting out of hand?

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by krazyfas

So how do i take control of this situation thats getting out of hand?

I don't think you can. I get no sign that she is serious about committing to you. And if you get her pregnant, so what?

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I don't think you can. I get no sign that she is serious about committing to you. And if you get her pregnant, so what?

Well when we initially separated she kept telling me to pull out because she didn't want to get pregnant(we have never liked using condoms but she isn't on birth control either, and abortion is against our religion). But she would also say that if she were to get pregnant she would try to fix things with me so that there wouldn't be 2 children being raised in a broken home. That's why I got my hopes up.
She asks me if I still love her then tells me that she will always be mine. 2 days later she asks me to not pull out. It just doesn't add up to me..
Is she having a hard time letting go but isn't sure if she wants to stay?

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 11:59 AM

And what kind of sex is she having with the other guy(s)?

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And what kind of sex is she having with the other guy(s)?

That I am not aware of but if I know my wife she would use a condom. To this day she claims to not have sex with anyone but me. In a way I kind of believe her she seems so sincere when she says it but I have serious doubts that that's the case.

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 12:16 PM

And she may not be insisting on a condom or using any birth control with the other guy(s). You may end up with paternity problems if she has another baby, which leads to support and visitation, and if the second child belongs to another guy, you'll have all kinds of fun.

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And she may not be insisting on a condom or using any birth control with the other guy(s). You may end up with paternity problems if she has another baby, which leads to support and visitation, and if the second child belongs to another guy, you'll have all kinds of fun.

That's the one thing I WILL NOT FORGIVE is If she has another mans child.
Now I purchased a ring for her that was going to signify our new beginning. At first she turned it down but then later she would go through my phone just to look at it and say its so pretty. She hasn't don't that lately but should I wait this out a little longer and try to present it to her or should I just try to get my money back?

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 12:25 PM

She goes through your phone?

krazyfas · Nov 22, 2012, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She goes through your phone?

Yeah she lost all trust in me when she found out about my infidelity. So I let her go through my phone/emails/wallet just to prove I'm not hiding anything from her and that I'm serious about my marriage.

Wondergirl · Nov 22, 2012, 12:34 PM

NO! You do NOT allow her to go through your phone, etc. -- personal stuff -- or give her any passwords. If she has any, change them. Now! Boundary time.