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moonfairy03 · May 24, 2008, 08:15 AM

Me and my boyfriend had dated for just over 3 1/2 years before we spilt. The first 3 years were fantastic as we never really argued at all and we both honestly thought that this was it, we were very close as we became close friends for almost a year before we dated. We meet at uni and were going to move in together and discussed our future in terms of years time. However the last 6 months were when things started to go wrong. He had to move for his job which means our relationship had to become long distance which involved hin seeing me from every day to one day a week or one day in 2 weeks we both thought we could handle this as it was going to be only temp because after a year I could move in with him after I finished my studies. We began to argue about silly things constantly and we both new it was because we wanted to see more of each other. We both decided it would be best not for me to move in straight after my studies as we needed to settle down a bit first. In the end we broke up as he tried to move back but the commute to work was too long. We broke up made up many time in the last six months of our relationship. It ended quite badly with him dumping me over the phone and us never speaking again. It was for the best that we broke up as he would have to keep his job/study for an additional 2 years and we couldn't cope,but I think it could have been done in a much better way.
The friends we shared at unii ended up hanging out with him more and I have been slowly 'cut out' the social circle we shared. I expected this as they were mostly guys and seemed to relate with him much better I still very much get on with these people but just don't socialise like we used to.
We broke up in feb and have had no contact since, but now I have heard 4 months on that he is planning on moving back to our home town with live with his old school friends and is commuting to his job. He said he wold never do this to me and that we would have to cope living long distance even though I knew he was unhappy living in his new area. I am just thinking now he is coming back to town should I try to make contact with him or should I leave it? I feel really confused at the moment as the only reason we broke up was due to arguments caused by the distance and now that is no longer an issue could it work again... or do you think too much time as passed and he is more than over me and I should leave well alone and only contact him when I'm OK to be friends and nothing more or not contact him at all?

Sorry this is really long:(

Fr_Chuck · May 24, 2008, 08:32 AM

I am sorry there just has to be more to this story, If you were that much in love after three years and was living together, but had to be apart for a few months, why would you not just move back together as soon as possible, what was it that that make you all delay moving back together.

Also if the one commute was too far, why did you not move somewhere between.

But it sounds more like he went from a college setting to a work ( real life setting) and perhaps found other interests in life. Or the stress of working was more than he understood.

moonfairy03 · May 24, 2008, 08:44 AM

We hadn't atarted to live together just yet we were planning on it but it got delayed at different stages mainly by me as I was still studying and only had a part time job and couldn't afford the rents at different times. We talked about moving somewhere in between. He told me that he would live away for 2 more years and we had to both gat used to the idea or it wasn't going to work he never made it seem like it was a going to be a few months before he moved back. I know it does seem like there should be more to it than that.
I think you might be right I think once he started a full time work he may have develped different interests but he never mentioned them to me

JBeaucaire · May 24, 2008, 09:05 AM

People's life focus change a LOT after university. Not every close relationship can survive the change, much less one that was forced into LD like yours was.

I'd suggest you leave it alone. Let your life continue to grow on the path you are on. Resist looking over your shoulder at yesterday.

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 06:35 PM

For whatever reasons things have changed for you both, and for now dwelling on what if;s and the past you think you've lost, is not really a good thing especially since your still in school, and he is establishing himself in the real world. Give it more time, and thought, and focus on your future, as he is focusing on his. Things have a way of working out for the best.

moonfairy03 · May 30, 2008, 06:59 AM

Thanks I know your all right and I should let go it's just hard because a lot of my life revolved around him really as a lot of my friends moved away so I only see them a few times a year. Imade him a big part of mylife and I was just a small aspect in his looking back its hard to deal with I think even though its been a few months.

I just need to get out more and try to move on a bit thanks people