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Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 02:24 PM

You do realize this is fixable. Something is turning people off -- your words, your body language, your facial expressions, your attitude. That's why Judy mentioned counseling. You need a smart and canny adult to intervene and assess how you present yourself to the world and give you ideas as to how to change what isn't working. Role playing might be good. A realistic self assessment is also good. But you need a mentor, i.e. counselor, to help you with that.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 02:36 PM

"Fine want me to come back down to earth? I suck at English. Most of the people who are suppose to be my friends ditch me for other people. I do so much for them and they do nothing for me. One of them at one point said that they'd rather sleep all day then hangout with me. I'm ignored and cut off by these same people but it's either them or I'm alone because I got to such a small school. I don't fit with my grade. People accuse me of doing things that I haven't done. There, is that good enough? Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me..."

Now that the pretty wrapping paper is off I think the problem is obvious. Everyone doesn't tell you you're kind. In fact, the situation appears to be quite the opposite.

This makes no sense - "Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me..." Counselers don't create problems, they fix them. And, no, there's no personal satisfaction for me in suggesting that you have emotional or other problems. In fact, I think all of your threads, in light of this new info, are rather sad.

What are you accused of that you don't actually do?

And where are your parents in all of this?

Perhaps if you would have been more honest from the start you would have liked the answers better.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

"Fine want me to come back down to earth? I suck at English. Most of the people who are suppose to be my friends ditch me for other people. I do so much for them and they do nothing for me. One of them at one point said that they'd rather sleep all day then hangout with me. I'm ignored and cut off by these same people but it's either them or I'm alone because I got to such a small school. I don't fit with my grade. People accuse me of doing things that I haven't done. There, is that good enough? Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me..."

Now that the pretty wrapping paper is off I think the problem is obvious. Everyone doesn't tell you you're kind. In fact, the situation appears to be quite the opposite.

This makes no sense - "Great now you all have come to the conclusion that I need counselling cause there aren't already enough things wrong with me..." Counselers don't create problems, they fix them. And, no, there's no personal satisfaction for me in suggesting that you have emotional or other problems. In fact, I think all of your threads, in light of this new info, are rather sad.

What are you accused of that you don't actually do?

And where are your parents in all of this?

Perhaps if you would have been more honest from the start you would have liked the answers better.

My parents are too busy fighting with each other or paying attention to my older siblings to pay attention to me so

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by axdwdrgc

My parents are too busy fighting with each other or paying attention to my older siblings to pay attention to me so

Tell me more about that.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 03:10 PM

Well, you've got my attention, too. Many of us grew up in disfunctional (at best) households. What's going on?

joypulv · Jun 17, 2013, 03:10 PM

None of us is here to pick on a teenage girl, or boy, or anyone who isn't abusing children or giving people AIDS or trying to get around the law. We have lives of our own. We don't know you. You wanted help and we want to help. You don't have to be perfect and you don't have to be a total wreck. We just want to be able to answer your question.

Trying to please your parents by being the best at everything is something I remember like it was yesterday, but it was 50+ years ago.

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 03:27 PM

Are you what's known as a Pleaser? Your family dynamics and how things are with your peer group tell me that is the case.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Well, you've got my attention, too. Many of us grew up in disfunctional (at best) households. What's going on?

Uh well, my parents fight all the time and I can hear them cause their room is right next to mine, I don't have any actual friends no matter how much I try, my siblings are talented in other things that my parents pay attention to and they (my parents) never go to any of my games or events that I've worked hard on. If I try to talk to them about how I don't have friends they tell me that the way to get friends is to be more popular so yeah

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by axdwdrgc

the way to get friends is to be more popular so yeah

So you give, give, give, but don't get anything in return.

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you what's known as a Pleaser? Your family dynamics and how things are with your peer group tell me that is the case.

I guess so

axdwdrgc · Jun 17, 2013, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So you give, give, give, but don't get anything in return.

Basically. If they want to hangout with me then I'll bend my schedule so I can go, If they have a baseball game I'll go just to support them. I asked them to come to my state champs meet because I'd be running at 3 and they said that they wanted to sleep so they didn't come. One of them said I was a bad friend because it didn't look like I was making an effort when in reality she's been ignoring me because she got a boyfriend

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2013, 03:52 PM

Wonder what would happen if you started pleasing yourself instead of everyone else?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2013, 04:59 PM

It might be time for you to start D's doing you. Do what makes you happy. No more buying gifts or trying to please the crowd. Be your own best friend. Things will change for you because you will change. I think talking to a counselor would help to.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2013, 06:26 PM

Everyone here has a story (it seems) about siblings and parents. My story? I was a straight A student always. Played in school and orchestra. Played in all-State orchestra.

My parents were too concerned with my younger sister to know what I was doing. They basically spent all their time nailing her windows shut (she kept running away from home), picking her up from the Police Station (for shoplifting and other things) and keep her away from "boys." It didn't work. She got pregnant at 13.

I could have disappeared and no one would have noticed.

I was also raised by grandparents until my early teen years, and that didn't help.

As I said, everyone has a story. I'm really glad you are sharing yours. You certainly no longer sound like a conceited brat - which I thought you were.

And, yes, it's difficult when family doesn't support you. Sounds like your family doesn't even see you.

And I agree - take care of you. Let everyone else take care of himself/herself.

And hang in there - eventually you become a successful adult and everyone else is still playing the same old game.