[talaniman]

I previously warned you of making attachments more emotional through having sex ( I presume that's what you mean by hooking up ). Instead this is the time to be talking and seeing if there is a basis for a relationship that you mutually agree on. You have skipped a whole lot of laying the ground work for understanding through communications and have entered the limbo world of wondering what's on his mind, what his intentions are, and where is this thing headed.

You have yet to back up to a safe distance, and evaluate what you already know, and communicated honestly enough to make changes, or progress to what the next level should be. That's why you are dangling in the limbo of the unknown. Not only are you impatient, and very hopeful, you have done a great job of sharing your body, but not communicating with him and establishing your own boundaries. You have gathered no facts while playing the role of being in a relationship.

Many people I have found can only date one person at a time, and that's okay if you can recognize that its very easy to become dependent on the company of one person when you have no other options by which to follow, and get very carried away because its so easy to focus on just one person. Sure we are busy, and have friends, but dating is restricted to one person, so that's where all the feelings of romantic connections are focused on. Throw lust, and sex into that one person, and you can see where emotional bonds and attachments can be quite strong and distracting.

That's where you are, caught in limbo and don't know where to go. Step back to a safe emotional distance, stop having the sex, and start asking questions, and get answers, and pay attention. When there is no communications, just texts and sex, there is no building anything that will last. Whether you know it or not, you have given this fellow a part of you before he has proven whether he deserves it or not. I can't blame him for not being in a hurry, and its apparent that you are.

Slow down, and gets some facts, and proper communications established, face to face, person to person, and have more dates with others, not for sex, but for perspective. Not for a future relationship, but for friendship, and fun. That's what dating is about. Its not an interview for a relationship. The only commitment in dating is sharing a great time with someone. Not marking time until you get comfortable and agree to go to the next level.

You haven't marked enough time, or paid enough attention before the hooking up, or had enough fun, nor communicated honestly, and that's not dating. Its pursuing high hopes that this will last forever, and assumes very wrongly he feels the same way. The fact that you don't know is warning enough that you have missed something important.

Date others, for fun and friendship. Protect yourself MUCH BETTER!!

I know you have questions, fire away.

[LoveStoned]

(You have yet to back up to a safe distance, and evaluate what you already know, and communicated honestly enough to make changes, or progress to what the next level should be.)-Well, he texted me asking me if I was upset at him and I basically told him that sex weirded me out and that is why I am backing off.
(Slow down, and gets some facts, and proper communications established, face to face, person to person, and have more dates with others, not for sex, but for perspective. Not for a future relationship, but for friendship, and fun.)-The constant texting no phone calls should have been a red flagg. Shame on me.
I don't think I will be hearing from him anymore that I told him how I felt. Oh well. It will definatley give me an insight as to what his intentions were. Thank very much Talaniman!

[LoveStoned]

Hey guyz... so this is where things are now... I know I was suppose to be distancing myself to reflect on the situation. However,3rd round is a sure charm... ugh.. I don't even have words for this. I don't know if I should be totally honest and tell him why I have been so distant and unemotional at times and explain as to what I felt was missing. Although, maybe he doesn't even care and is slowly leaving.

He has attempted to email me after not contacting me for several days, and I have replied short and simple. He probably knows I'm upset and that in itself is unattractive.
My question is, having said all this, should I write him a letter explaining my actions or just let him come to me AGAIN as to why Im being stand offish or just let the wierdness at work ride out???

I work with him and want to try to keep the peace... and I also like him and would like to maybe someday hang out again.

[LoveStoned]

Hello again everyone. Questions:

-Why is the guy I'm dating pulling me in to push me away?

-I feel uncertain about things. Why? Is this because of my past relationship gone bad or is it because of
Lack of communication I'm having with him?

-Am I being too needy to want to talk to him every now and then?

-Should I end seeing him?

-Should I go NC on him too? Or would that seem rude?

-And if I do go NC, its going to be awkward know since I work with him.

-I think if you have a genuine interest for someone you would at least call them once a day. Does anyone
Have any opposing views. We hardly text or call each other... but then there are days or weeks when we communicate. Confuses me.

Any advice would be great. I just want to get clarity back into my life once and for all. I feel like I should have never started dating people. I made huge mistakes with this one! Help!!

[LoveStoned]

Okay guys,

I've been seeing this guy for 6 months or so. In the beginning he was very attentive. However, after or month or so he said things moved too fast and didn't want to rush into anything.

SO I totally stopped iniating contact just followed his lead per say!

Anyway, he started to only text me once in a while (twice per week) then didn't hear from him for 3 weeks, then texts me to see how I was doing. Since I ignored his attempts he then said he would leave me alone.(I think I was being cold a little... yikes)

Afterwards, I recently wrote him a letter saying that though I was interested in him I was uncertain how to deal with our situation anymore and asked him if he just wanted to be friends instead.

NOW he is ignoring me and has not replied or texted me back... We are both in our mid 20's and thought we could have handled this a little bit more maturally here.

-Could he be annoyed?
-really not sure how to act?
-And yes I still Like him
-How do you think he might have taken the note? Sometimes I think maybe he thought I may have been trying to end it nicely but in reality I truly just wanted to be friends to relieve the pressure and feelings I had for him.

[BK201]

Did you try calling him and speaking it out, rather than texting him?
Anyway, my guess is, he knows that you like him, but he does not want to give in yet. Reason being, he is not ready to take a responsibility. And he knows a relationship is not a joke. In my opinion, he is not annoyed but he does not know how to handle the situation.
But the clear picture can only be given by him.

[LoveStoned]

But I asked for friendship!
And I get no response and get avoided instead?

[BK201]

May be he likes you, and when you say that you are ready to be friends, he doesn't know what to do. Like I said before, guess he is confused.
But these are all may-be's. Have you tried speaking to him about this? I don't think this is a matter that can be discussed over text messages.

[LoveStoned]

-Texting was always our way of contact due to our busy schedules and I don't want to harp down his through if he is already having issues with this.

I thought maybe there was a possilbility that he was losing interest too, but at the same time he still checked up on me and wanted to hang out and would question my mood when I appeared distant. And, if losing interest was the case, why look for me at all?

We work together and it makes things a bit uneasy.

~But thank you BK for your input.

[BK201]

Your welcome. I agree with you. You can wait for the right moment.

[talaniman]

When things ain't working out, you walk away, leave it alone, and date someone else. Don't even try to force a friendship, that may never happen and trying to force on only drags out the drama. Clean break, let go. Deal with your feelings at work by just being in control of yourself, and professional.

The bottom line is leave him alone.

[amicon]

It's time to let this go and have no more contact with him-he's not interested in any kind of relationship.

Accept that and move on.

[LoveStoned]

I am trying to leave it alone and haven't contacted him ever since. I just feel horrible after everything but I guess this is how the truth of what we had comes out :(

I've been talking to others in the midst of the rocky moments. Its just my situation with him bugs me because I actually liked him.

[amicon]

That's sometimes how it goes and sad though it is, with acceptance comes the ability to move on to bigger and better things.

[LoveStoned]

-Alright... so I found out he was seeing another girl! I am so livid but also extremely disappointed in myself. I feel like I've been deceived!

Just yesterday he texts me back to say that he's just been busy and that he would like nothing more than to be friends! THEN ASKS WHERE THE HELL HIS KISSES ARE AT! What did he take me as a joke?

Anyway... I also found out that he was seeing someone else so I confronted him and told him to stop the flirting since we are just friends.

In all honesty, I really am hurt by all this.

-But play it off to him as if it doesn't fase me... ugh.

-I DID tell him though that I felt saddened by it all.

Any words so I don't go bolistically crazy on this guy... I feel as if he should have told me at least.

[talaniman]

Before you get mad at him and his behavior, look at your own. Not to be cruel, but what did you expect from him??

Its so easy to get carried away by your own feelings. That's what's been going on since February. Now here we are. Hope you have learned the difference between dating and romance, and all the complications in between.

Now put this experience behind you, regroup, rebuild, and let the learning process unfold, so you will understand yourself much better. Anger is but part of the grief process.