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peekcachu · Mar 7, 2010, 07:29 PM

Threads merged again

I activated my Facebook tonight. I hope its not a mistake. I went and saw my ex's profile. I noticed that he took all of our photos off from all the trips we took together. He kept other pictures where I was not in it. I understand. I'm just really hurt. I still have so much false hope. :(

I was good for a full week... and I slipped today. :-(

peekcachu · Mar 7, 2010, 07:35 PM

Update: I deactivate it again.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 7, 2010, 07:40 PM

It is not having a face book, it is going to see the ex pages, why do you care what they have done,

If you don't have enough strengh to igore her, then deactivate, the pages do nothing, so you have a page, get rid of x's as friends and don't visit their pages

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 07:16 PM

UPDATE: I'm back to step one. I have my days where I think I feel fine and then I'll have days where its like the first day again. I'm so hurt and lost.

CarrotTalker · Mar 16, 2010, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

UPDATE: I'm back to step one. I have my days where I think I feel fine and then I'll hav days where its like the first day again. I'm so hurt and lost.

That can be a normal part of the process.

Just remind yourself of the good days and how/why you felt fine. Soon the good days will outweigh the bad.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 08:33 PM

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I hope this is a lesson learned. The lesson is- "Don't play games with people". I honestly feel sympathy for him in the fact that he had to go through the pain of your games and breakups for three years. And Im happy for him that he finally had enough of it and had the courage and peace to move on, and now he can be happy. My on and off girlfriend of three years has done that to me constantly. I know how it feels to be played with. Now you know how he felt when you were pushing him aside. Im sorry, but I have no sympathy for you. But hopefully you have learned and will never do that again with another, for their sake.

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 08:39 PM

It is a lesson learned. I know I was in the wrong for putting him through my childish ways. He has moved on.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

It is a lesson learned. I know I was in the wrong for putting him through my childish ways. He has moved on.

Good. Now do him a favor and just leave him alone to be happy.

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 08:48 PM

darkdays:
You sound an aweful lot like my ex. He too was struggling in the career field and he too was getting a lot of bad luck. He is still very polite to me when I slip and text him. I agree with you. I want him to be happy. And I'm trying very hard to get rid of this false hope and move on. But its not easy. As poorly as I treated him, I still had my good aspect. I really love this person... I just didn't know the right way of showing it to him until it was too late. The old saying is correct: you don't know what you have until you've lost it. I had to learn this one the hard way. And I'm still learning. I don't want to be selfish anymore.

kp2171 · Mar 16, 2010, 08:50 PM

k.

Well... just about everybody at some time has been in that place where you are hating being alone, wanting to know your ex is more miserable without you than with you, etc.

Seems to be a lot of threads these days on the boards with people having a really hard time with the misery of breakup... is it the weather? Changing of the season? Don't know.

All I can tell you is expect to feel like crap. And be OK with feeling like crap. If you keep putting your hand in a fire, at some point you anticipate the burn... and the pain after.

So you need to worry less about why or how he is moving on... and more about why you are struggling with feeling secure and struggling with control issues... whether you are in a relationship or out of one...

There's more than a few billion people on this earth. I'm thinking one or two of them might also be a decent fit.

But before you even try to go there... you need to spend time with yourself. Alone.

And a lot of people don't like spending time with themselves. Time to do it. Work through this noise of manipulating and playing games. Time to figure out why you need to control others and why you don't feel secure with others.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 08:59 PM

And when he was going through his streak of bad luck, I bet he would have appreciated you being a pillar in his life instead of playing the games. Just the same thing Im going through.
Im sorry if Im coming off a little brash, but when the person that claims to love you so much just plays games with your emotions when you need them the most, it's abusive and hurts like crazy.
But I give you credit in coming clean about what you have done and seem to show remorse for it.
It's just so sad that there are tons of people in this world, and right here that go through that with the ones they love. I just don't understand how someone could do that for their own selfish reasons without caring what they are doing to the person they claim to love. When are people going to learn to grow up and stop hurting others. And I don't think that it's something that should have to be learned, it's something people should not want to do because it shouldn't be in their heart to do so.

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 09:09 PM

I understand what you are saying darkdays.
I'm not trying to give excuses, but I had a homelife where drama was a regular occurrence. My parents were not well suited for each other, but they remained together. In their situation (as I now realize), was a unique one. I learned that you really don't have a choice in who you fall in love with, but you do have a choice in being with them. I was under the impression that if you love someone, you will always be with them... I now understand otherwise. Love is not unconditional.

I did not mean to hurt my ex. This was my first love and I did not know what a healthy relationship looked like. He tried to tell me and yes, I did not understand the pain I was putting him through. And I will never want to do that again to him. I can't take back the way I treated him, but I really wish in my heart of heart that he would let me SHOW him how much I've learned from this. But, it is wishful thinking, I know. I have to be alone and work out my issues. I just hope...

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 09:11 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

I understand what you are saying darkdays.
I'm not trying to give excuses, but I had a homelife where drama was a regular occurance. My parents were not well suited for each other, but they remained together. In their situation (as I now realize), was a unique one. I learned that you really don't have a choice in who you fall in love with, but you do have a choice in being with them. I was under the impression that if you love someone, you will always be with them.....I now understand otherwise. Love is not unconditional.

I did not mean to hurt my ex. This was my first love and I did not know what a healthy relationship looked like. He tried to tell me and yes, I did not understand the pain I was putting him through. And I will never want to do that again to him. I can't take back the way I treated him, but I really wish in my heart of heart that he would let me SHOW him how much I've learned from this. But, it is wishful thinking, I know. I have to be alone and work out my issues. I just hope...

Can I ask you something? And be honest. What did playing these games do for you?

friend4u178 · Mar 16, 2010, 09:11 PM

Just remember that with every mistake , as long as you learn from it , come's the new and improved you.

There will be more love in your life but first you need to re-group and just date yourself for a while.

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 09:17 PM

darkdays:
The games gave me reassurance that he loved me. I would say, "no, its o.k. you don't have to come over cause' its kinnda late." and if he says o.k. I feel bad because he doesn't want to see me. But if he says, "I don't care how late it is." it makes me feel loved. I know, its childish. I'm working on being honest and telling my partner what's REALLY on my mind.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

darkdays:
the games gave me reassurance that he loved me. I would say, "no, its o.k. you don't have to come over cause' its kinnda late." and if he says o.k. I feel bad because he doesn't want to see me. But if he says, "I don't care how late it is." it makes me feel loved. I know, its childish. I'm working on being honest and telling my partner what's REALLY on my mind.

I never thought of it that way. So what you are saying is that you did it because of your own insecurities? Not to necessarily hurt him?

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 09:29 PM

I wanted to come off as a confident person, so I would say things that sounded like I didn't care. I thought if he didn't know HOW MUCH I cared for him, he wouldn't take advantage of my feelings. Silly as it sounds, I thought that guys like the chase and once they get it, they don't want it anymore.

So, long answer short, yes I am very insecure when it comes to relationships. I never wanted to intentionally hurt him. I always feel crappy when I hurt him. I kept breaking up with him because I didn't want to treat him the way I did. But when we break up, I missed him so much and I was weak and selfish. I made a vow to be a better person and treat him better when we got back together... but my insecurities always got the better of me. I am seeking professional help and it has made me realize this but my habits hasn't changed yet, hence the final breakup.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

I wanted to come off as a confident person, so I would say things that sounded like I didn't care. I thought if he didn't know HOW MUCH I cared for him, he wouldn't take advantage of my feelings. Silly as it sounds, I thought that guys like the chase and once they get it, they don't want it anymore.

So, long answer short, yes I am very insecure when it comes to relationships. I never wanted to intentionally hurt him. I always feel crappy when I hurt him. I kept breaking up with him because I didn't want to treat him the way I did. But when we break up, I missed him soo much and I was weak and selfish. I made vow to be a better person and treat better when we got back together....but my insecurities always got the better of me. I am seeking professional help and it has made me realize this but my habits hasn't changed yet, hence the final breakup.

This is so unbelievable. You sound so much like my girlfriend. I hope you can stay with me on this for a little while, I have so many questions. Because this sounds like it may be the same thing with her.
When we would get together after not seeing each other for a while, she would ask if I was excited to see her. And if I didn't act excited, she would get into a mood. When she would break up with me, she would do so in a really strong and mean way. And there were a few times when she would break it off that I would just say OK, that's fine, and the next few days she would call me asking me what's wrong with me, but she was the one breaking it off, and I would just agree to it. She would act as if I was supposed to be upset and chase after her. Does any of that sound like it's because she is insecure and was just trying to make sure I loved her?

peekcachu · Mar 16, 2010, 09:45 PM

Yeah.
You're correct when you said "as if I was supposed to be upset and chase after her." Yes, I wanted my ex- to chase after me, to prove his love for me, go give 110% of himself to me...
What I didn't see was what I DIDN'T give him.

Your girlfriend needs to know that she will lose you, FOR GOOD, if she continues her treatment of you. She might not process that because you guys got back together (as I did with my ex.) after multiple break ups. So, she might (and I'm not speculating here) not take you serious, like me with my ex.

I can't give any definite answers, as I am still going through the emotions. Very situation is different. I know what I did wrong and until your girlfriend realizes how she contributes to the relationship (whether positively or negatively), I'm not sure her treatment of you will change.

Hope that helps.

darkdays · Mar 16, 2010, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by peekcachu

Yeah.
You're correct when you said "as if I was supposed to be upset and chase after her." Yes, I wanted my ex- to chase after me, to prove his love for me, go give 110% of himself to me.....
What I didn't see was what I DIDN'T give him.

Your girlfriend needs to know that she will lose you, FOR GOOD, if she continues her treatment of you. She might not process that becuase you guys got back together (as I did with my ex.) after multiple break ups. So, she might (and I'm not speculating here) not take you serious, like me with my ex.

I can't give any definite answers, as I am still going through the emotions. Very situation is different. I know what I did wrong and until your gf realizes how she contributes to the relationship (whether positively or negatively), I'm not sure her treatment of you will change.

Hope that helps.

So does that mean she actually does love me and is afraid of losing me? I that why she tests me so much?