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story-love · Nov 9, 2009, 04:50 PM

And what if he does? How can I tell?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 04:52 PM

Originally Posted by story-love

and wat if he does? how can i tell?

By asking him?

Hookups almost NEVER turn into a real relationship---why buy the cow when you're getting the milk free and all that.

story-love · Nov 9, 2009, 04:55 PM

I suppose, but ill be so upset if I get like a no :S and I have to see him every day

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 04:57 PM

How old are you, that you can't be mature enough to TALK about sex and relationships with the person you're having sex with?

story-love · Nov 9, 2009, 04:59 PM

19 and he's 26

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 05:00 PM

Honey... if you can't talk to him about this stuff--this really important stuff, then you don't have a relationship anyway.

If he ONLY calls you when he wants a little booty, then that's what he's using you for, and he doesn't want anything else.

story-love · Nov 9, 2009, 05:10 PM

But its been going on about 8 months :( could I change his feelings

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 05:12 PM

You've let him use you for 8 months? Were you hoping his feelings would change that whole time?

No--you can't change HIM. You can only change YOU.

Get some self-respect, girl! Let him know that if he wants some nookie, he needs to treat you with respect outside of the bedroom--in the form of dating.

My bet is that you never hear from him again--but really, you deserve better than that anyway. Why would you want a jerk that only wants to come around for what's in your pants, not what's in your heart or mind?

BlackVY · Nov 9, 2009, 05:14 PM

Well you don't know his feelings right now do you?

This is going to be a gamble here... be careful...

jmjoseph · Nov 9, 2009, 05:35 PM

He is using you. He calls you when all else fails.

Let him know how you feel, and see what he says.

If he says that he doesn't feel the same way( I'd be willing to bet that he doesn't), cut him off.

Find someone that will treat you right.

jamiepie · Nov 9, 2009, 05:43 PM

I can relate to what you are talking about. At one time I had this "bed buddy" and we would text weekly and hook up a few times a month. That went on for a little over a year and a half. I started devolping feelings for him and wasn't sure if he had any for me or not. I mean we would get into arguments on the phone and he would act jealous sometimes when I mentioned other guys or something. I was hoping he was getting feelings for me, but in all reality he was just using me to fulfill his needs. Once I told him I was in a relationship he started wanting what he couldn't have. Felt good to finally have the upper hand in that mess!

story-love · Nov 9, 2009, 05:54 PM

That exactly what we do, hook up a few times a month, he acts jelous sometimes, he says he has a cemistry with me though.He says he feels comfertable with me, but I've ignored him and acted like I didn't. But the only reason I done that was because he said he didn't want a relationship 8 months ago when we started seeing each other, so I was afraid to get close unless I scared him off. But now I'm afraid to get hurt if I don't act soon, but I have to see him every day because he works in my gym so if I say it to him and he doesn't feel the same it would be hard. So I want to try get hints out of him,to see if he has any feelings. I know it all sounds stupid :(

friend4u178 · Nov 9, 2009, 06:10 PM

He's using you for his needs and has clearly told you so by stating he doesn't want a relationship , you've been doing the same and have now developed feelings stronger than that. So it's really pretty simple , you either continue being bed buddies if your happy to just do that or you leave him alone and find someone who's looking for more.

ASK HIM

abc_abc_abc · Nov 9, 2009, 10:36 PM

Well, it hurts... but better to get to know sooner, than in a few years... it will be really sucks!

rockie100 · Nov 9, 2009, 11:58 PM

I feel like I know more than I should on this 'friends with benifits' issue. Here it goes...
Once you agree to a arrangement, like you have, for any duration, it is like you intered into a contract with the other party. You know the terms, you don't vest in any deep feelings, you each know your place. Any comments that resemble jelousey are 'put on' they are only meant to insure that it (the hookups) will continue. Any flirting is just part of the game.
Trying to make a go at a 'real relationship' would be hard. Hard because one, or both of you, would remember how the other was so willing to have casual sexual involvement. It would cheapen any sincere effort in either of your parts.

story-love · Nov 11, 2009, 02:30 PM

But if my feelings can change, could it happen for him?

Synnen · Nov 11, 2009, 02:38 PM

You could ASK him.

But if they had, his ACTIONS would have changed.

story-love · Nov 11, 2009, 02:50 PM

But so would have mine? I want to text him so much but I just wait for him to text me

Synnen · Nov 11, 2009, 03:53 PM

Look... you're acting like a 13 year old asking her friends "Does he like me?!"

Either ask him, and listen to his answer--or believe us that everything you're describing is him NOT wanting a relationship.

Either way, you need to either ASK him, or just accept that he probably does NOT want to have a relationship with you.

But obsessing about it without DOING anything is childish, and won't allow you to move forward, either way.

Cat1864 · Nov 11, 2009, 04:33 PM

I just read several of your past questions in trying to decide how to answer this question and my reading left me with a few questions:

Is this the same guy that you were trying to get to fall in love you in this post from July:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ou-381389.html

Is this the same guy who wanted the three-some in April with his ex-girlfriend and you?

Is this the same guy that in August, you wanted know how to talk dirty in the bedroom to?

I am sorry but I think you have a lot of self-delusion going on and have since you got into this mess. If he acts 'jealous' at any point in time it is probably because he doesn't want to have to rely on his hand instead of a hot body. You seem to be doing everything you can to keep his interest including turning yourself into what he 'might' want. It's time to find out who you are and what you like.

Stop letting him use you for a blow-up doll that moves. Get involved with someone who wants you as a person.

If you can't text him when you want sex or to ask him over, then you are an object to him.

Get rid of him and get some self-respect. I will be extremely happy to give you all the support I can to help you move-on.