[thelost1]

Hi,
I guess this is kind of my last resort, I've read loads of things, tried talking about it and now I didn't know what else to do.
Im 23 & my fiancé is 30. We've been together nearly 4yrs and have two children. A 2yr old & a 10 month old.
When we first met we had sex quite a lot, you know how new relationships are. He lost his mum a couple of yrs prior to us meeting and had a bit of a latch on alcohol. Whenever we both were drunk or even if it was just him drunk we did and do have great sex. He wasn't comfortable having sex during my pregnancies, although we did try once or twice. The times we had sex got less and less. Then we moved home and we were all really happy and our sex life seemed to be back on track to. It was a few times every weekend and I was fine with that. Now 6 months later we've had sex ONCE! And it was a few minutes, he finished so to speak, asked me if I orgasmed and got up out of bed. That's something really random of him. That NEVER happens. Ive asked him if he's attracted to me still and if he still fancies me, he assures me he does and he loves me, but I fel I'm always the one who's more affectionate, I've tried not to be to see if the lack of it on my part will get him to be more but it doesn't, he sometimes cuddles me when he's asleep, but other than that I have to cuddle him if I want the affection. Its happened before going without sexc and I just put it down to being unhappy as we were stuck in a tiny 2 bed flat with two kids, and when we moved to a house and like I said for the first month every weekend was decent sex I figured I was right. Now I look back he drunk alcohol every weekend for the first month! Whenever he does drink, if he's not wasted and just drunk he's always all over me. When I've said to him he doesn't like coming near me unless he's drunk he says its not true, and mentions the few occasions we've had a "quickie" in the morning. I just don't know what to do, he works mon-fir and I get up in the night with the kids, and do all the housework, even at the weekends he doesn't want to have sex, if I go to bed early he'll stay up till early hours of morning watching TV or playing games so how can it be tiredness? Its making me really uhappy and makes me feel awful and sad. I won't initiate any sexual contact because the times I have before I've just been pushed away. I know he loves me through the little things he does but I need to be physically loved too. Please help I've tried everything! Favourite dinners, treats, kids have been looked after, suttle hints but nothings changed :confused::(

[Synnen]

Have you tried skipping the subtle hints and just TELLING him?

Men don't get hints. Ever.

You really need to have an open and honest discussion with him about this. Since it seems you've at least tried to talk about it with him, I'd involve a counselor in the discussion so that you can make sure you're communicating on the same level.

[playgirl31984]

Sounds to me he is just getting settled and don't feel the need to impress u,my guy has affection issues too and it drives me nuts,try spicing things up try to get a sitter for the night and you two go have a romantic night in a motel with room service and wine and just focus on you two,that might light his flame,good luck

[Cat1864]

I agree with Synnen that you probably need marriage counseling. This does not sound like it has an 'easy fix' that you have already tried.

I think he has some issues that need to be addressed in as unemotional and non-confrontational way as possible. He needs to find out why he needs alcohol to have sex with his wife.

[looking1]

Honey I heard that excuse for 16 years but it stopped when I discovered his masturbating and porn addiction --so don't over look the situation waiting for it to change. Find out what the issue is and face the fact there is a issue.