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sgoo · Nov 9, 2009, 03:15 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now. We had sex all the time at the beginning of our relationship (the first 5 or 6 months) but a couple of months ago he stopped taking the iniciative in bed so after a couple of weeks I decided to take the first step but he just kept avoiding me... turning on the lights or leaving the bedroom to go look for something to drink... so after a while I just stop trying and we have not had sex since. There have been a lot of situations in which he gets turned on by me kissing him on the neck or many kinds of foreplay but he just ends up asking me to perform oral sex on him and when he finishes he just rolls over and goes to sleep... I love pleasing him but I need some pleasing too!!
Nothing has change from when we did have sex... I have not changed physically or emotionally and neither has he... we are still happy and in love... my friends keep telling me maybe he had an affair or maybe he is gay... but we own a business together so we spend all of our time together... he just wouldn't have the time to have an affair... and I don't think he is gay because he gets hard when I seduce him.
Please help! Is he gay? Is he cheating?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 03:34 PM

Have you ASKED him about it?

Sat him down and told him how neglected you feel?

He sounds selfish to me, not gay.

sgoo · Nov 9, 2009, 03:40 PM

Yes I have talked to him about! But he always says either "ok so lets do it...but not today...Im tired...tomorrow maybe" (and when tomorrow comes he just asks for the usual BJ and that's it) or he says its all in my head and Im just making a big deal out of it... I am so frustrated!

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 03:58 PM

So.. say no to the BJ.

Or tell him you'd love to... AFTER he goes down on you.

Gemini54 · Nov 9, 2009, 04:19 PM

This isn't about talking to him about how often you have sex - because when you do, he gives you the 'OK we'll do it tomorrow' excuse.

This is really about you guys TALKING about what's happening in your relationship. Honestly, it is really rare for sex to just stop in a relationship without there being a reason. He's avoiding having sex with you and there must be a cause.

Talking to him openly, in a non blaming way and asking him to reflect on his feelings is an important way to start. Ask him to think about what's happening in his head - why does he not feel like having sex with you? What is he thinking when he avoids you?

It may be that being together all the time is the cause - I am only guessing - but perhaps he can't separate the work 'you' from the relationship 'you'. Perhaps he needs to be the initiator or 'aggressor' in your sexual relationship. Only he knows.

I agree with Synnen, for the time being I'd stop with the seduction and the BJ's. If the relationship is important to him, then he'll agree to give some thought to his behavior and what's causing it. Sex needs to be off the menu for a while if he's going to do this.