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    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #181

    Apr 10, 2010, 10:44 AM

    You keep repeating the same things over & over.

    You post, but don't really listen.

    Its up to you, not him, us, or anyone.

    Time to own up, show some strength & stop running back every time he "decides" to text you.

    That's just pathetic.

    You came here about false hope & you're still there.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #182

    Apr 10, 2010, 04:11 PM

    Peek

    You came here 6 weeks ago asking how to get over your false hope and move on , you've received lots of good advice from people giving their free time and trying to help you.

    Your hearing the advise but your not listening , do you really want the pain to stop or are you happy to go for months on end in complete sadness??

    Your call , we can only tell you what you have to do , you're the one that has to DO IT !!!
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #183

    Apr 10, 2010, 09:21 PM

    I understand what you are all are saying. And trust me, I AM trying. But you have to understand, this is my first love and lost. I'm having a hard time letting go. And that's me being honest.


    I hate feeling weak and girlie. I want to be stronger than this!! This person is taking control of my rational mind. I know I have to be stronger, but I'm human.

    I will make mistakes.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #184

    Apr 10, 2010, 09:45 PM

    Had you been NC for 6 months, you would be ready for the second love... and lost(?).

    Just saying.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #185

    Apr 10, 2010, 09:59 PM

    Nice one. Still more excuses.

    Yes, you are human. And humans change.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #186

    Apr 10, 2010, 10:28 PM

    Quote: this person is taking control of my rational mind. Unquote.

    Sorry ,I beg to differ,you are doing this to yourself,nobody else is.

    You are allowing yourself to stay stuck,instead of making choices that will advance your healing from the breakup and start moving on.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #187

    Apr 10, 2010, 10:33 PM

    Don't think that you really want to move on, peek.

    Sounds deeper. Not just this guy. Maybe you're just an attention magnet.
    And when you don't get it, you cry. Jumping into relationships for the wrong reasons. With jerks.

    Maybe talk to a therapist. Doesn't sound like you really want to know how to heal or why this is happening.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #188

    Apr 10, 2010, 11:05 PM

    "this is my first love"

    Why do you say that? How old are you again? I get confused with the thread merging.

    I guess you got to define what love means. Wasn't this obvously.

    Its all about you deciding what works & what doesn't.

    How aware you are.

    It takes two. First you and what you want.

    You can love all you want, just direct it.
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #189

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:01 PM

    Van- I'm 28. I'm angry that I can't make this work for me. I'm angry (at myself) that I don't have enough will power to leave this guy alone.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #190

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:06 PM

    Anger is good. Use it to rise above. You're probably angry because you are losing the false hope. Good.

    To stop being fixated on one thing. Crazy.

    You will learn soon enough that this guy doesn't define you, nor should anyone.

    Start gaining control over your life. The is just an episode.

    Learn & rock it. Stop wallowing.

    Unless you are one of those people that enjoys being miserable.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #191

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by peekcachu View Post
    Van- I'm 28. I'm angry that I can't make this work for me. I'm angry (at myself) that I dont have enough will power to leave this guy alone.
    Unfortunately until you do you'll be stuck in pain. How long are you willing to put up with that??
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
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    #192

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:12 PM

    I'm not one to be miserable, but I do tend to over-think things. I'm working on that. I just feel that I made some progress and now I'm back to where I started. Hphgmf!
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #193

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:14 PM

    It takes time.

    Work harder.
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
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    #194

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:15 PM

    I'm going on casual dates, is that too soon?
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #195

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:21 PM

    As long as you don't rebound & use that to relieve the pain from the last one.

    Would be a bad move.

    Be aware. Take some time to heal & get your act together first.

    Its good to have fun in the meantime, just as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else in the process, by rushing in.
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
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    #196

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:38 PM

    I just want to try to convince myself that there are others. I'm so tunnel visioned.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #197

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:45 PM

    That's what Im saying.

    Heal first. Then be more aware of who you are & what you have to offer.

    And the kind of people who want in your life. Not just guys.

    There a whole world out there.

    Its very easy to wallow when we go through breakups. Its normal.
    But nows a crucial time to REALLY start.

    The more you work on healing, the more in control & empowered you will be.

    A stronger person for everyone.

    You will look back at this & chuckle to yourself. Knowing that you've moved closer to being a more together individual.

    You can do it Peek. I know it. Just remove all BS, and look for the things that make you feel happy. Im sure you have some of those things already.

    You've just lost sight of them because of this episode.
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
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    #198

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:48 PM

    Thank you and good night
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #199

    Apr 11, 2010, 09:50 PM

    Of course there are,and will be others-but right now-heal and find your feet again.

    Learn how to be happy in your own skin,on your own.
    peekcachu's Avatar
    peekcachu Posts: 80, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #200

    Apr 13, 2010, 08:42 PM

    It hit me while driving home tonight. I had myself a cry. I miss him so much.

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