[Mr and Mrs G]

My daughter is 13 her mother has kept er from me most of her life.. Its damaging to both of us (my daughter & I ) they kep moving and not keeping intouch .I have tried everything but goig to court because of money issues I ca't afford a lawyer because the state takes 137.00 a week for child support so I'm paying almost alf my pay I can't even live or really pay my rent and bills never mind get a lawyer .I'm paying back child support when I should not be because through out the years when allowed to visit I have always given my ex wife 50.00 a week but never thought to not give her cash she told the state that I've never paid anything while she was collecting welfair witch is the truth.. I have been told my daughter doesent want to visit me so my ex wife will not make her I don't get phone calls on fathers day not contact in 6 months now.. My wife tryes to get a hold of her through fb and she has saved all messages to prove we have tried to be in my daughters life I feel like a bank accout for my exs life not for my daughter my ex wife is a mess and we argue every time we even try to talk so that's why my wife tryes to deal with her I feel that at this point in my life and my daughters life the right thing for me to do is step out of there life and sign my rights over I don't know what the law is regarding my child support or how to even go about getting the paper work to give my perental rights away so many people tell me I can't that my ex wife needs to do the paper work she won't she wants me to suffer why I don't know because she was the one who ended our marriage with her cheating and getting pregnant with another mans baby who is now 7 I just want all the fighting to stop I am tired of her games and tired of trying to see my daughter who's head has been filled with such crap about me its impossible for me to have any kind of realationship with my daughter I need to find out the laws about my rights to what can do and the lawys about child support also please help me I'm at the end of my rope and this problum gives me and my wife such grief..

Thank you for your time Mr & Mrs G

[Wondergirl]

Have you checked with a legal aid group for a free or low-cost attorney to represent you?

I'm moving this question to a legal board so more legal types will see it.

[AK lawyer]

Read this.

"Signing over" your rights would not effect on your duty to pay child support.

And your problem is that your duty to pay CS is not affected by whether you get visitiation. One simply doesn't depend on the other.

[Synnen]

Unless your ex wife's new husband is willing to adopt your child, you CAN NOT sign away your rights.

And even if you could, parental rights and parental obligations are two different things: without an adoption, you would still be responsible for child support.

If your ex is such a witch, get a lawyer, prove it, and take your daughter away from her to raise yourself.

The reason you are paying back child support is that the state wants to be reimbursed for the taxpayer money it spent to support your child when you weren't. As a taxpayer, I think that's fair.

I can tell you that you are not going to fix any of this without a lawyer and at least one court date.

[ScottGem]

As the link AK posted tells you, forget about signing over your rights. The only way your rights will be terminated is if your ex remarries and the step father agrees to adopt your daughter.

So that leaves you with 2 options. The first is to go to court to modify your support order to something more affordable. The second is fight her on visitation. Get the court to appoint a GAL to try and mediate between you and your daughter to try and get some visitation.

Was there ever a visitation order established by a court. If so and the mother violated that order get her cited for contempt.

You don't need an attorney to do these things though it helps. You can try a local law school and see if they have a law clinic to help you do the paperwork and devise strategy.

[Mr and Mrs G]

Unless your ex wife's new husband is willing to adopt your child, you CAN NOT sign away your rights.

And even if you could, parental rights and parental obligations are two different things: without an adoption, you would still be responsible for child support.

If your ex is such a witch, get a lawyer, prove it, and take your daughter away from her to raise yourself.

The reason you are paying back child support is that the state wants to be reimbursed for the taxpayer money it spent to support your child when you weren't. As a taxpayer, I think that's fair.

I can tell you that you are not going to fix any of this without a lawyer and at least one court date.

Like I said I have paid child support always when we got divorced It was in our divorce I give her 50.00 a week when she droped off my daughter I also pay for her clothing and school supplys,shoes anything else she needs the problum is I didn't give er a check or money order because I trusted her word she was not on welfair when she lied to me I only found out she was not working and on welfair because the day I got married to my wife now I got served court papers from the state because my ex wife had allowed my daugter to miss 72 days of school witch had I known I would have made sure she got to school my ex wife is a mess I had not seen my daughter in almost a year before that my wife and I had her for almost the whole summer then school started the visits again stopped then after my wife trying so hard last fathers day my ex wife allowed my daughter to come over and visits lasted till my ex wife got in to trouble with the state again for my daughter missing school I am nit in the wrong I have tried to be in my daughters life I have paid my child support and now paying it again twice because I paid her in cash and she lied to the state to get welfair but just so you know I have paid my child support

[ScottGem]

Yes you made a big mistake by paying cash. But, based on your last post, you have a third option.

The mother is on welfare or committed welfare fraud. The mother has been in trouble for not keeping the girl in school. The mother has been in contempt of court for violating the visitation order.

So you go to court and try to get primary custody. You appear to have grounds since the mother "is a mess". You will still have to make up the back support you can't prove, but you can get the current support stopped. And you can be in your daughter's life.

[Mr and Mrs G]

Yes you made a big mistake by paying cash. But, based on your last post, you have a third option.

The mother is on welfare or committed welfare fraud. The mother has been in trouble for not keeping the girl in school. The mother has been in contempt of court for violating the visitation order.

So you go to court and try to get primary custody. You appear to have grounds since the mother "is a mess". You will still have to make up the back support you can't prove, but you can get the current support stopped. And you can be in your daughter's life.

The thing is she's using her being a mess as an excuse so the state is on her side they are doing everything in there power to help her they also know about the fraud they said because we don't have proof of my payment they can not do anything even though my wife and I shaired a house with roomates who watched my wife pay ad hand the cash to my ex wife now I have the support taken out of my pay check so she's pissed and that's why she's been keeping my daughter from me and also says to my wife and I she needs money and says it so rudely (so witch one of you is giving me cash ) My wife explains to her that I pay child support through the state now and she's not ever going to get any cash from us because she messed that up by lyeing to the state... thats why we don't get visitations it's a game to my ex wife my daughter is her money maker...

[Mr and Mrs G]

the thing is shes useing her being a mess as an excuse so the state is on her side they are doing everything in there power to help her they also know about the fraud they said because we dont have proof of my payment they can not do anything even though my wife and I shaired a house with roomates who watched my wife pay ad hand the cash to my ex wife now I have the support taken out of my pay check so shes pissed and thats why shes been keeping my daughter from me and also says to my wife and I she needs money and says it so rudely (so witch one of you is giving me cash ) My wife explains to her that I pay child support through the state now and shes not ever going to get any cash from us because she messed that up by lyeing to the state...thats why we dont get visitations its a game to my ex wife my daughter is her money maker...

She also does this with her other daughters father who now pays the state because she did the same thing to him her children are checks to her and her excuses are the same its our faults the visitation is like this.. like I mentioned before I bring home about 180.00 bucks a week after supports taken out I do not have the money for a lawyer or to file the paper work for anything even visitation I don't want to make life harder on my 13 y old daughter she's been going through this for her whole life its making her she's immature for her age she's 13 going on 7 and can't read can't shower don't have friends.. she listens to everything her mother says so when she is here for a visit she's withdrawn she's telling us she's board or want to go home she's said many times she doesent want to come that's a reason her mother doesent make her it's a mess ts putting a lot of stress on me my daughter my wife because we try to be awesome to my daughter when she's here we just feel its for nothing when we get to start a good relationship with my daughter the my ex pulls this no cotact and o callng or visits then a year will go by my wife tries to get intouch with my ex and we get excuses that my daughter doesent want to come I just want to stop this before my daughter or I get hurt any more

[ScottGem]

i dont want to make life harder on my 13 y old daughter shes been going through this for her whole life its making her shes immature for her age shes 13 going on 7 and can't read can't shower dont have friends .. I just want to stop this before my daughter or i get hurt any more

So you abandon your daughter to a mother who is not taking proper care of her? That's your answer? Shame on you!

Again, you can't get your rights terminated. If you don't want to be a part of your daughter's life, fine. Don't call her, don't ask to see her, don't contact her. You aren't required to. You are required to help support her financially and you will not get out of that.

If you don't want your daughter hurt more then get her out of that environment. Show her what life can really be like in a stable caring hoime.