[needhelp1268]

Yup. And learn from this too. Bad behaviors in a relationship bring about a bad relationship.

Also know it is okay if you are not in a relationship for a while. You can use that time to become content with yourself and happy no matter who you are with or what kind of a day your having. You know I wake up every day telling myself I am going to have a good day and then I make it a good day. Granted I am more positive than most and sometimes my partner doesn't appreciate that, but that is the way I like to be. And honestly, if you had the choice of making it a good day or a bad day wouldn't you want to choose a good day all the time?

Smile, you are going to be fine.

Thank you for caring so much about my situation, even though you do not even know me. I am starting to feel better, but I know that my journey of recovery and growth is a long and slow one. I have been in relationships ever since I was a teenager and I suppose I do not know how to depend on myself for my own happiness.

[Oliver2011]

Thank you for caring so much about my situation, even though you do not even know me. I am starting to feel better, but I know that my journey of recovery and growth is a long and slow one. I have been in relationships ever since I was a teenager and I suppose I do not know how to depend on myself for my own happiness.

No probs. I've been there. We all have. It just got to the point where I decided that nobody was going to control my happiness anymore. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

[needhelp1268]

Update: She called me and said she did not want to lose me and we should try again so we both have no regrets.

[talaniman]

Seems you have a second chance to be a better person than you were and should be grateful, whether it works or not. Just remember how fast things can change and keep the attitude positive and just be happy.

[Oliver2011]

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Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

I agree with Talaniman 100%.

Also you need to have your own friends and your own activities. Spending 100% of your time with her isn't healthy or a recipe for a long term relationship. My partner and I are very close but we have our own things to do. That makes the time we are together that much more special.

[needhelp1268]

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Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

I agree with Talaniman 100%.

Also you need to have your own friends and your own activities. Spending 100% of your time with her isn't healthy or a recipe for a long term relationship. My partner and I are very close but we have our own things to do. That makes the time we are together that much more special.

How often do you talk to your girlfriend? Hang out with her? Etc?

[Oliver2011]

How often do you talk to your girlfriend? Hang out with her? Etc?

Ummmm my girlfriend is actually a boyfriend. We have lived together since January. We have worked together for 4 years and I've known him 3 years. Here's the thing:

He loves to surf every Saturday and Sunday mornings. I love to play tennis every Saturday and Sunday mornings. So we have our own activities and it's healthy not to give those up. But we talk all the time. Sometimes when the weather sucks for tennis, I will go with him to surf. He actually took today off work because the waves from Tropical Storm Andrea leaving are really good.

It is healthy to not spend every waking moment with your partner. That is a dependency that becomes unhealthy.

[needhelp1268]

Ummmm my girlfriend is actually a boyfriend. We have lived together since January. We have worked together for 4 years and I've known him 3 years. Here's the thing:

He loves to surf every Saturday and Sunday mornings. I love to play tennis every Saturday and Sunday mornings. So we have our own activities and it's healthy not to give those up. But we talk all the time. Sometimes when the weather sucks for tennis, I will go with him to surf. He actually took today off work because the waves from Tropical Storm Andrea leaving are really good.

It is healthy to not spend every waking moment with your partner. That is a dependency that becomes unhealthy.

Although I do not show it to my partner, I feel this sense of co-dependency where my happiness is dictated by her being with me. Do you feel like you're secure enough as a person to walk away from the relationship you have with your boyfriend and still be happy? If so, how did you get so strong emotionally. I have never been taught these things and I want to feel emotionally stable, with or without her.

[Oliver2011]

Although I do not show it to my partner, I feel this sense of co-dependency where my happiness is dictated by her being with me. Do you feel like you're secure enough as a person to walk away from the relationship you have with your boyfriend and still be happy? If so, how did you get so strong emotionally. I have never been taught these things and I want to feel emotionally stable, with or without her.

"Although I do not show it to my partner, I feel this sense of co-dependency where my happiness is dictated by her being with me." - Not a good way to live your life.

"Do you feel like you're secure enough as a person to walk away from the relationship you have with your boyfriend and still be happy?" Absolutely. Adam adds an incredible part to my life. But he isn't my whole life.

"If so, how did you get so strong emotionally." I told you this already. I decided probably back in 2001 or 2002 that I was never again going to allow anyone to dictate my happiness. I am generally a positive person anyway and I love having fun. But I decided I was going to control my happiness. I literally spend a few minutes every morning thinking how I am going to make today a good day. Now if Adam left me, which I doubt would happen, I would be down. But I wouldn't be out, that is for sure.

This living happy and in the moment was tested 5 years ago. Within a 2 month span my mother passed, my dad passed, I lost the job that I love, and I got divorced (yes I was married and living a lie). That was a huge test. If I can survive those major life events, then dammit I can survive anything. Plus I like being a fighter and a survivor.

It works - trust me.

One thing I should add - if I wouldn't have lost the job that I love (which made me sad) I wouldn't have met Adam (which was awesome). See what I mean? You don't know what new awesomeness will happen from change, so let change happen.

That is why I told you when life slams a door in your face kick a new door open. Control your life and your future.

[needhelp1268]

"Although I do not show it to my partner, I feel this sense of co-dependency where my happiness is dictated by her being with me." - Not a good way to live your life.

"Do you feel like you're secure enough as a person to walk away from the relationship you have with your boyfriend and still be happy?" Absolutely. Adam adds an incredible part to my life. But he isn't my whole life.

"If so, how did you get so strong emotionally." I told you this already. I decided probably back in 2001 or 2002 that I was never again going to allow anyone to dictate my happiness. I am generally a positive person anyways and I love having fun. But I decided I was going to control my happiness. I literally spend a few minutes every morning thinking how I am going to make today a good day. Now if Adam left me, which I doubt would happen, I would be down. But I wouldn't be out, that is for sure.

This living happy and in the moment was tested 5 years ago. Within a 2 month span my mother passed, my dad passed, I lost the job that I love, and I got divorced (yes I was married and living a lie). That was a huge test. If I can survive those major life events, then dammit I can survive anything. Plus I like being a fighter and a survivor.

It works - trust me.

One thing I should add - if I wouldn't have lost the job that I love (which made me sad) I woudln't have met Adam (which was awesome). See what I mean? You don't know what new awesomeness will happen from change, so let change happen.

That is why I told you when life slams a door in your face kick a new door open. Control your life and your future.

When walking through such a dark and painful tunnel, it's so difficult to see a positive outcome in the end. Especially when a positive outcome is not guaranteed. However, I'd like to let you know that I swallowed my pride and went to see a therapist. She reiterated all of the things you told me and, although I still feel this sense of insecurity, I'm trying my best to improve myself, physically and emotionally! P.S. This dark tunnel seems like a really long walk...

[Handyman2007]

I just do not understand this concept that has been around called "no contact". If a couple breaks up it onlt stands to reason that there should be no contact, for a while anyway. You are both farily young. Move on. Everyone gets their heart broken,, even older people. My second wife "broke up" with me when I was 53. It hurt too. Learn about you and learn about more people.

[Oliver2011]

"When walking through such a dark and painful tunnel, it's so difficult to see a positive outcome in the end. Especially when a positive outcome is not guaranteed." The positive outcome could be guaranteed if you would control it and allow it. A ton of how we feel and how we adapt to change is controlled by us. You just have to learn how to do that.

"I'd like to let you know that I swallowed my pride and went to see a therapist." Seeing a therapist is not a bad thing. You need someone to help you see the end of that tunnel. Hopefully he or she will help you obtain for self help skills.

The tunnel is as long as you make it.

[needhelp1268]

People of AMHD, it has been two months since I've talked to you guys. Here's a little update: after the break up, we decided to give it another go and see where it takes us. She did not act the same (distant and cold) and she just was not the person that I fell in love with. (this built up anxiety within me) I started to act unlike myself because of this. For the fourth of July, I took her to the beach, I took her to a dodger game, I started to do a bunch of crap for her in hopes that she will fall back in love with me. Then, a few days ago, we were cuddling on the couch watching a movie and something just felt off. I turned the movie off and confronted her about how she was feeling.

To make a long story short: she thought she was falling back in love with me, but she felt like she was forcing herself to love me again. She is confused about how she feels. She said we should break up because she believes our relationship has ran its course. I couldn't really say anything but sit there and agree with her, because I felt like I was the only one trying to patch our relationship together. Afterwards, we laid on her bed crying and reminiscing about our relationship until four in the morning. We did end up having sex. Sorry for the incoherence and the ranting, but I feel so lost.

Last night while at a party, I drunk called her at 2:30am but she didn't answer. I do not know if she ignored my call or it was because the call didn't wake her up or what. If she calls back, which she probably won't, should I pick up? And, what do I say?

[Oliver2011]

Dude - reread all the posts. They tell you exactly what you need to do and how to get through this.

NEVER go backwards in life - that is what I live by. You took 14 huge steps backwards and now you are going to pay the price all over again. Break off all contact, heal, and move forward. You don't like feeling like this I am assuming so because of that don't let yourself go back their again. It's over and it is time to start your life post whatever her name is.

[talaniman]

The experiment failed again, but this time accept it and start dealing with your own feelings because of it. It's painful, yet you have to stay busy as you accept and rebuild, and be patient with yourself, it takes a while and is a lot of work.

I get you have little experience in dealing with yourself when things are not going well but NOW is the time to learn. You can wallow in self pity, or get busy making yourself happy without her.

Choose your path.