So, the story goes like this: my ex girlfriend and I have been together since she was 16 and I was 18. I am 21 now and she is 19. Like all of our relationships, we had our ups and downs. However, four days ago we had a talk about intimacy issues (she felt like she had to force herself to be horny) I then told her that it is not necessary for her to force herself to have sex with me. She then started to cry and pour her heart out to me saying that she doesn't know why she does not love me as much as she use to, and that we would always talk about how we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, but she does not feel the same way anymore. Shortly after, she proceeded to tell me that she still wanted to try and work it out because we have such a long history together.

Fast forward to yesterday, after coming back from a date, I knew that the past couple of days that she has fallen out of love with me and that she was only staying with me because of our long history. We talked about it on the drive home and she said that she felt that we were so young and she does not want to settle down and needs to figure out what she really wants.

We were best friends, we grew up together, I'm so lost, and I am currently trying to do NC. I want her back so badly, but from the lurking through this site, I know that seldom happens.

I just need people to talk to and vent my frustrations because all of our friends are mutual friends and I do not want to go running to them about our relationship issues because I know they'll talk to her about it. Can you guys please tell me it's going to be okay? I can't sleep, I can't eat, my body aches, and I feel like this is all my fault.

Breakups suck. They make us feel badly. We have all been there and we have all survived. You will too. It is going to hurt badly for a while and then each day you will feel a tiny bit better. There are things you can do too to help you feel whole again. If you sit around moping about this you will continue to feel bad. If you get outside, exercise, go out with friends, do something you want to do, then little by little you will feel better.

But if you two are going to breakup, you need to stop all communication. Hanging on is the worst thing you can do.

I wish you the best.

I know this is counter intuitive to most people's philosophy on AMHD, but (considering we are already broken up), do you think that she will ever fall in love with me again?

I'm really scared, man. She was half of me. (I sound so weak, yes.)

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

I know this is counter intuitive to most people's philosophy on AMHD, but (considering we are already broken up), do you think that she will ever fall in love with me again?

I'm really scared, man. She was half of me. (I sound so weak, yes.)

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Well I have a policy never to go backwards in life. She could take you back, but you need to prepare yourself if she decides that is not her plan.

"I'm really scared, man. She was half of me." Why do you let someone control you like that? I let nobody have that control over me. I am totally in love with my partner and it is the absolute best relationship I've ever had. I am hoping it is my last relationship. But if something were to happen to us, I know that I am a strong person and that I decide to have a good day no matter what happens. I've been there, done that, and gotten through it just fine. Do what I said and also learn to appreciate the smallest things in life.

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

I know this is counter intuitive to most people's philosophy on AMHD, but (considering we are already broken up), do you think that she will ever fall in love with me again?

I'm really scared, man. She was half of me. (I sound so weak, yes.)

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I won't say yes or no, because the future is fairly unpredictable. I will say that if she does, you both need to let go of the past. There is no going back. Couples who try generally end up failing. They are so busy looking back they trip over the new obstacles.

What you both need to do is move forward. Allow yourselves to let go and heal. Learn to be whole again. Learn how to be single and to enjoy your life.

Let the fear go. Fear becomes insecurity and no relationship truly thrives when there is a cloud of insecurity hanging over it. It is also unfair to anyone (including your ex if you do try again) you attempt to have a relationship with to burden them with your insecurity. It may feel like it is your baggage and you are the one shouldering it, but in reality you will be making others carry it for you. That includes friends and family as well as romantic interests.

If somewhere in the distant future you should decide to try again, take time to get to know each other as the people you are instead of holding on to the people you were.

Give yourself a chance and the tools to be able to heal. Yes, it hurts. But you can lessen the pain by accepting the need to let go.

Thank you guys so much for your responses. It means the world to me right now to be able to talk about this.

If she attempts to communicate with me, via text, call, or IM, do I respond? Ignore? Keep in mind, I DO want to get back with her.

It depends on the subject matter really. If she keeps dangling a carrot in front of you giving you false hope then that would be unhealthy for you. But in no way should you be waiting for communication. Get back into life, smile, and things will get better. I believe that when the door slams in your face you don't just open another door. I believe you kick the next damn door down and move your life forward.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

It depends on the subject matter really. If she keeps dangling a carrot in front of you giving you false hope then that would be unhealthy for you. But in no way should you be waiting for communication. Get back into life, smile, and things will get better. I believe that when the door slams in your face you don't just open another door. I believe you kick the next damn door down and move your life forward.

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How long did it take you to get over the pain?

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

How long did it take you to get over the pain?

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Bad approach. You are going to let the pain dictate how long? Heck no. You are in total control of that starting right now. You can't see it because your mind is focused on negative things. Again if you sit around and mope, not eat, do nothing you will continue to feel bad. If you go for a run, exercise how you want to exercise, go fishing, volunteer at an animal shelter and watch all those tails wag, you will begin to feel better.

I promise you this works.

It has only been a few hours and I've gone out walking, tried to read a book, take showers, and it just seems like I can't get rid of her in my head. The thoughts of everything that I did wrong in the relationship seems like it's on repeat.

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

It has only been a few hours and I've gone out walking, tried to read a book, take showers, and it just seems like I can't get rid of her in my head. The thoughts of everything that I did wrong in the relationship seems like it's on repeat.

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Do you have any friends you can hang out with? Maybe go some place and meet new people? I do not mean dating. Just meeting people who might even become new friends.

I have always found that when I want to keep my thoughts from constantly repeating it helps to start something new. It takes more focus. Do you have any interests you have been thinking about looking into but haven't?

Can you come up with some ways to change your habits so that you aren't constantly running into memories? Some people find listening to new music, watching shows you normally don't, taking different routes to school/work, going to different stores, etc. help build new memories causing older ones to fade.

Remember that this going to take time and for the first while it will take a lot of effort. But keep telling yourself that you will get through this.

I am a 14 year old girl, I don't know how my advice will be.
I think you should like take her to where you guys had your first date, and after that ask her how she is feeling. If she is having any of the same feelings. Breakups are VERY hard. I can only imagine how hard it would be to fall in love with someone. And be with them for SO long. Then her falling out of love when you are falling in love. I'm sorry if it was a waste of time reading this.

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Originally Posted by niallover101

I am a 14 year old girl, I don't know how my advice will be.
I think you should like take her to where you guys had your first date, and after that ask her how she is feeling. if she is having any of the same feelings. breakups are VERY hard. I can only imagine how hard it would be to fall inlove with someone. and be with them for SO long. then her falling out of love when you are falling in love. im sorry if it was a waste of time reading this.

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Thank you for your response. But, I don't think it's the best thing to go and chase after her at this moment when she is confused and not initiating contact. Anyone else agree?

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

Thank you for your response. But, I don't think it's the best thing to go and chase after her at this moment when she is confused and not initiating contact. Anyone else agree?

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Yeaah, Like why put in an effort if she's not.

Any tips on falling asleep?

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

It has only been a few hours and I've gone out walking, tried to read a book, take showers, and it just seems like I can't get rid of her in my head. The thoughts of everything that I did wrong in the relationship seems like it's on repeat.

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First thing you have to do is not beat yourself up for mistakes you made. Nobody is perfect in a relationship and that is okay. Learn from this and try not to repeat the mistakes, but not being perfect in a relationship is basically all of us.

As far as falling asleep, when my mother died I couldn't lay in my bed without losing it completely for the first week. I had to lay on the couch with the TV and then I would fall asleep. But like everything time tends to heal us. Other things that work would be wearing yourself out with exercise or start a new project.

Don't be afraid of the new change in your life. This change could point you in the direction whereas your life could take a change for the better. And then you will think to yourself "Why was I so upset in the first place".

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

First thing you have to do is not beat yourself up for mistakes you made. Nobody is perfect in a relationship and that is okay. Learn from this and try not to repeat the mistakes, but not being perfect in a relationship is basically all of us.

As far as falling asleep, when my mother died I couldn't lay in my bed without losing it completely for the first week. I had to lay on the couch with the TV and then I would fall asleep. But like everything time tends to heal us. Other things that work would be wearing yourself out with exercise or start a new project.

Don't be afraid of the new change in your life. This change could point you in the direction whereas your life could take a change for the better. And then you will think to yourself "Why was I so upset in the first place".

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Hey, she called me last night when I had my phone on silent. Twice. I called her back this morning once but she didn't pick up (she's probably sleeping) did I make a mistake by calling back?

I also wanted to add that I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I can not imagine how hard that was for you.

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

Hey, she called me last night when I had my phone on silent. Twice. I called her back this morning once but she didn't pick up (she's probably sleeping) did I make a mistake by calling back?

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Don't view your actions as mistakes or the perfect reaction to something. You are being way too hard on yourself. Your actions are just normal actions that any one of us would do.

If she keeps you hanging by a thread where it keeps your hopes alive that she might take you back and that never happens, then keeping the lines of communication open for whatever little morsals she gives you will not be the best thing for you. It will not allow you to move forward.

You really need to work on you. The most concerning part of this whole thing is how you allow someone else to control what kind of a day you have, how you feel, and they also control your happiness. I really wish you would work on that the most, but that has to be your decision.

Think of it this way. She breaks up with you. You go through pain. You finally move your life forward. You end up meeting the most amazing girl that you spend the rest of your life with and have 3 children and 10 grandchildren. All of that happened only because of the pain you went through now. So because another door is going to open, embrace this change and a new beginning.

Thank you for your words about my mom. That was 5 years ago. While I was very upset to lose her, I was thrilled she no longer had Alzheimers too.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Don't view your actions as mistakes or the perfect reaction to something. You are being way too hard on yourself. Your actions are just normal actions that any one of us would do.

If she keeps you hanging by a thread where it keeps your hopes alive that she might take you back and that never happens, then keeping the lines of communication open for whatever little morsals she gives you will not be the best thing for you. It will not allow you to move forward.

You really need to work on you. The most concerning part of this whole thing is how you allow someone else to control what kind of a day you have, how you feel, and they also control your happiness. I really wish you would work on that the most, but that has to be your decision.

Think of it this way. She breaks up with you. You go through pain. You finally move your life forward. You end up meeting the most amazing girl that you spend the rest of your life with and have 3 children and 10 grandchildren. All of that happened only because of the pain you went through now. So because another door is going to open, embrace this change and a new beginning.

Thank you for your words about my mom. That was 5 years ago. While I was very upset to lose her, I was thrilled she no longer had Alzheimers too.

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You are telling me all of the things that I do not want to hear but I HAVE to hear. During the relationship, I was insecure, jealous, controlling at times. This is why I want her back. I know I made some mistakes and that I can do better. But, like you said: I can not fully love someone properly until I learn to act mature and love myself. Correct?

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Originally Posted by needhelp1268

You are telling me all of the things that I do not want to hear but I HAVE to hear. During the relationship, I was insecure, jealous, controlling at times. This is why I want her back. I know I made some mistakes and that I can do better. But, like you said: I can not fully love someone properly until I learn to act mature and love myself. Correct?

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Yup. And learn from this too. Bad behaviors in a relationship bring about a bad relationship.

Also know it is okay if you are not in a relationship for a while. You can use that time to become content with yourself and happy no matter who you are with or what kind of a day your having. You know I wake up every day telling myself I am going to have a good day and then I make it a good day. Granted I am more positive than most and sometimes my partner doesn't appreciate that, but that is the way I like to be. And honestly, if you had the choice of making it a good day or a bad day wouldn't you want to choose a good day all the time?

Smile, you are going to be fine.