[Wondergirl]

I wish I could ask you to PM your therapist's phone number to me so she and I could figure out what to do with you. But then you'd block both of us like you do her in real life and me here.

[Enigma1999]

Lena, how old are you?

Were you sexually abused by a man, ever?

[redlipsticklena]

I have to many fun hobbies and interesting people to be thinking of suicide when I am stressed. I have to many cool people in my life to even sweat the actions of morons.

Do you have any male friends, or males you trust? How about your hobbies and interests? How about your mom and dad? Do you get along with them? Any siblings?

Generally what culture are you from? I am nosy aren't I? Why are you afraid to try things that may benefit you?

If you have a lot of people in your life and fun hobby good for you sound like everyone else that's normal and not a freak. Must be nice to fit in. I have never and will never know that world. Well what are your hobbies? Are you a married man or a player? Do you have kids? Yes you are a nosey type of person but this is a board for that type of thing. None of my hobbies involves men unless you count the online porn in that. Which is also disgusting me how they behave in those settings.

I am a black woman. I live and born in nj and in the suburbs. My parents is dead. I have a sister and brother I barely talks to. People don't have time for me and my weirdways of living. I lives by myself. My sister was abuse me when I was little and she takes advantage of me as an adult too that's why I don't live near her anymore. She ruin my first car with running it into a ditch.

I got a aunt sends me money in another state every month. I do not have ANY friends whatsoever. I drop old friends I had years ago. They gets married move in with boyfriend or have kid. I am a loser and have none of that so why bother embarrassing myself with them. I mostly stays in the house. I do not interacts with people too good. I just want to be normal but its not happeningat this age of 32. I can forget it best thing someone like me can do is off myself and save everyone else the trouble of being bother with me and my problems every other day... I use to have male friend in school but not anymore.


Only hobbies I have are going to library reading books doing knitting off YouTube watching TV and cooking. I cannot join too many group because of anxiety and not fitting in. I tried too many time and I am very scared try new thing because in past it never works out for me. Went to therapy women group a few weeks ago and didn't fit in there. I hated it. I do not belong here.

Some people there is no hope for and not sure how you can say otherwise, proof is in the pidding as they say.

[Alty]

I am a loser and have none of that so why bother embarrassing myself with them. I mostly stays in the house. I do not interacts with people too good. I just want to be normal but its not happeningat this age of 32. I can forget it best thing someone like me can do is off myself and save everyone else the trouble of being bother with me and my problems every other day... I use to have male friend in school but not anymore.

You had friends and you pushed them away.

You want to date but stay at home all the time and don't interact with people.

You think you don't date because you're weird. I will say that your thought process isn't the norm, but I don't think that's really the problem here. I think the problem is that you isolate yourself, don't meet people, and instead of doing something to change that, you blame the people that never get the chance to know you.

Your problem is that you're not willing to try. You're too happy being miserable and blaming the world and your mental issues instead of working with what you have and trying to make your life work for you.

You're right, we can't help you. You want to know why? Because in order for us to help, you would have to really want to change. You'd have to get out of your comfort zone, stop blaming the entire world for your problems, and you'd actually have to try. You're not willing to do that, and we can't make you do it, therefore we can't help you. You're too busy having a pity party to listen and try to help yourself.

Good luck with that.

[redlipsticklena]

You had friends and you pushed them away.

You want to date but stay at home all the time and don't interact with people.

You think you don't date because you're weird. I will say that your thought process isn't the norm, but I don't think that's really the problem here. I think the problem is that you isolate yourself, don't meet people, and instead of doing something to change that, you blame the people that never get the chance to know you.

Your problem is that you're not willing to try. You're too happy being miserable and blaming the world and your mental issues instead of working with what you have and trying to make your life work for you.

You're right, we can't help you. You want to know why? Because in order for us to help, you would have to really want to change. You'd have to get out of your comfort zone, stop blaming the entire world for your problems, and you'd actually have to try. You're not willing to do that, and we can't make you do it, therefore we can't help you. You're too busy having a pity party to listen and try to help yourself.

Good luck with that.

I'm glad so many of you are on such a highhorse you can come into the thread throwaround the how's and why I am a failure and call it a pity party when I was looking for understanding. I HAVE TRIED TO DO THINGS. Since you don't ask or even know what they are you can't make a valid assumptions like you just did. You have absoutely no idea what all I have been through and tried in life. If you did maybe you wouldn't be so uppity about 'well stop blaming your problems on everyone else and being happy miserable' etc. (btw none of which I actually said or is even close to the truth). I am not blaming everyone for my problem I am blaming myself for sticking around here day after day when I know all this time I do not fit in and will not ever fit in. how is that blaming everyone else? It's not.


Ironically this is EXACTLY why I do stay in the house it doesn't matter what you say to people they reacts like you did with their 'oh you want to be unhappy and alone' Bullsh*t. wrong, wrong, wrong. They get somethingout of driving by a person and throwing stuff in their face instead of really being kind to help. But who cares anymore there's no dealing with people they know it all about you and you know nothing about yourself and experiences in life.if you really did know what you were talkingabout you would know 2 or 3 week ago I tried to do something new and fail at it. So there goes half of your incorrect assessment of my efforts in life.

If you're so much better then me don't waste anymore time on me go help someone you feels deserve it and need it.

[talaniman]

LOL, the only difference between me and you is I am happy with myself, and know what makes me happy, because nobody that knows me has ever called me normal. We are all unique and far from perfect because we all have our own challenges.

Your fear of failure has you angry at the world and its not the worlds fault you have isolated yourself,and afraid to build a life that you enjoy. I know that's never as easy as it looks, but a challenge to rise to, not run from.

Your fears have you stuck on what normal is, and you fail to explore what's normal for YOU!! Let go of your fear and hate,

Love yourself when others don't, that's the secret to my confidence, and I learned that lesson the hard way. You don't have to!!! Invent your own normal, and make a friend or two.
Take a job and challenge yourself to learn it, and master it. Take a class to get the skills, and then use them.

Let go of your fear and hate and stop b1tching about the many flaws of others. Yeah I'm a nosy old guy with grand kids and I know how to succeed, and thrive and survive, and relish the challenges that bring out the best in me.

Let go of your fear and hate, because when you start loving yourself, you will treat yourself a whole lot better than you do now and won't be afraid to take a chance on being happy. Like Alty said, get off that pity pot and live a lot better.

If you give others a half a chance, they will respond positively. You have come to the right place for love and guidance, and that to me means you want some love and guidance. Now smile and drop the attitude. WELCOME!

Now what makes you happy, besides guy not looking at your boobs? And what kind of meds are you on? You are from Jersey, and most black people live in Newark, there are some interesting things happening there for you to check out.

Ask your job counsellor about training opportunities. Go for it!!

[smoothy]

i'm glad so many of you are on such a highhorse you can come into the thread throwaround the hows and why i am a failure and call it a pity party when i was looking for understanding. i HAVE TRIED TO DO THINGS. since you dont ask or even kno what they are you can't make a valid assumptions like you just did. you have absoutely no idea what all i ahve been through and tried in life. if you did maybe you wouldnt be so uppity about 'well stop blaming your problems on everyone else and being happy miserable' etc. (btw none of which i actually said or is even close to the truth). i am not blaming everyone for my problem i am blaming myself for sticking around here day after day when i kno all this time i do not fit in and will not ever fit in. how is that blaming everyone else?? it's not.


ironically this is EXACTLY why i do stay in the house it doesnt matter what you say to people they reacts like you did with their 'oh you want to be unhappy and alone' Bullsh*t. wrong, wrong, wrong. they get somethingout of driving by a person and throwing stuff in their face instead of really being kind to help. but who cares anymore theres no dealing with people they know it all about you and you know nothing about yourself and experiences in life.if you really did know what you were talkingabout you would know 2 or 3 week ago I tried to do something new and fail at it. so there goes half of your incorrect assessment of my efforts in life.

if youre so much better then me don't waste anymore time on me go help someone you feels deserve it and need it.

The first step to overcome a problem is to FIRST ADMIT YOU HAVE ONE. THe second is being willing to take the steps needed to change.

As long as you think you are the only normal person and its everyone else that's wrong... you aren't going to get better.

And that's true not just for you, but for everyone else as well.

[Cat1864]

This is what I have learned about you from reading your posts:

Lena, I think you have tried different things. However, I think you try them once or without putting much effort into them so that when they fail your negative view of the world is reinforced. The failure also proves you were right. So why try again?

Your therapist is doing all that she can to help you but you don't understand why she wants you try something like role-playing. So you balk at it and it doesn't work. Turns into bashing her, therapy and yourself. She asks you to turn a negative thought into a positive one, but positive thoughts don't give you the same 'fix' that negative ones do, do they? Positive thoughts mean you have to allow something 'new' into your mind and life.

It is safer to be negative and bash the world around you for not understanding. If you keep the world at bay then you stand less of a chance of getting hurt.

Risking getting hurt is scary. Letting people in is scary. (I know. I have been there, done that and used the tee-shirt to mop up the melted ice.) It takes practice. Are you willing to give practicing new things a try? Very few things we do in life succeed on the first try or even the fifth. (... or millionth if we bring up my typing skills.)

It isn't easy to let go of one safety line and reach for another one even if the new one is better and stronger.

What do you think when I say that 'I like you'? I think there is such a beautiful and unique person hiding inside. Like the crystals hiding inside a geode. Yes, you are different. But then we all are in our own ways. Those differences make us unique. Wouldn't the world be a very dull place if everything and everyone was the same?

I believe you mentioned knitting as a hobby. Could it also be a way to make money?

[CravenMorhead]

I wrote a message here a while back and you never really responded to it. Ca Sera.

One thing you must realize is that we are all volunteers. We are here helping because we want to. What you seem to want is psychological help that precious few of us are really qualified to give. Those who are qualified are trying but it is either be ignored or the help degraded.

The basic question was in regards to men checking out your T!ts. Yea. We do that. Especially if they're really nice. Even if they're not we'll check them out. Some times A Cups are as nice to look at as some DDs. It doesn't mean that we're focused on you sexually. It is more of a fleeting thought before we get back to doing what we were doing.

Due to your Autism you notice this. The majority of women won't notice or if they do they'll ignore this. This is something special you have to deal with because you're different. You need to figure out what you want to do and how to do it as well. All anyone can be is a guide for you. All the therapists, doctors, and anonymous people on the internet can do is present you with options and suggestions on how to deal with this. Most of this comes from personal experience. We try to draw similarities between your situation and those we've seen before.

You're also being belligerent as well as threatening suicide. In my experience most people who threaten it are looking for attention. Those who truly want to die kill themselves and not make these claims. This has really dropped my urge you help you but has given me insight into you and your life.

I am also having a hard time not believing that you're not a troll. Mainly because a lot of the useful posts here are ignored and you only seem to respond to the ones that could get a rise out of us. Might just be your way of seeing the world. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt here.

So what can you do? Get off this planet as you said is an option. Not ideal, but an option. Think carefully about everyone you hurt by doing this. Your family and former friends. It is a selfish way out because you have to deal with it any more. The upside is that you don't have to deal with it any more.

You're stone walling your therapist. Stop it and get the serious help you need. I realize that you've only got a certain amount of energy to deal with people. Use it every day if it is only to go to the store. If you're concerned about people checking you out than go invisible. Get breast binders and wear baggy clothes. Show off as little as you can so people won't take notice of you.

There are ways of dealing with your life right now and I get that you're exasperated with your life. In the end life is a pile of sh!t. The people who are brave enough to dive in and sculpt what they want out of it are the ones who succeed. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty.

[Enigma1999]

I wrote a message here a while back and you never really responded to it. Ca Sera.
I am also having a hard time not believing that you're not a troll.
.

Yes and yes. I agree
She ONLY responds to who she wants to. She DOESN'T like ANY of the answers she is receiving from anyone! My hat goes off to Tal, who seems to be VERY tolerant of her behavior.

Guys... I hate to say it, but I think we are wasting our time here. Especially when I see that there are others how NEED and WANT our help!

[redlipsticklena]

This is what I have learned about you from reading your posts:

Lena, I think you have tried different things. However, I think you try them once or without putting much effort into them so that when they fail your negative view of the world is reinforced. The failure also proves you were right. So why try again?

Your therapist is doing all that she can to help you but you don't understand why she wants you try something like role-playing. So you balk at it and it doesn't work. Turns into bashing her, therapy and yourself. She asks you to turn a negative thought into a positive one, but positive thoughts don't give you the same 'fix' that negative ones do, do they? Positive thoughts mean you have to allow something 'new' into your mind and life.

It is safer to be negative and bash the world around you for not understanding. If you keep the world at bay then you stand less of a chance of getting hurt.

Risking getting hurt is scary. Letting people in is scary. (I know. I have been there, done that and used the tee-shirt to mop up the melted ice.) It takes practice. Are you willing to give practicing new things a try? Very few things we do in life succeed on the first try or even the fifth. (...or millionth if we bring up my typing skills.)

It isn't easy to let go of one safety line and reach for another one even if the new one is better and stronger.

What do you think when I say that 'I like you'? I think there is such a beautiful and unique person hiding inside. Like the crystals hiding inside a geode. Yes, you are different. But then we all are in our own ways. Those differences make us unique. Wouldn't the world be a very dull place if everything and everyone was the same?

I believe you mentioned knitting as a hobby. Could it also be a way to make money?

hello. People falsely believe that if oyu think negative, you LIKE it and want it and do it on purpose and I don't know where they get that but it's not true at all. I odn't 'get' anything of value out of it. I feels I am just telling the truth instead of lying like therapist suggest I do. Somebody on here in the messages system said I have to give example and not just say thing don't work out. Okay: the therapist lady tell me for like 4-5 month straight to join groups in the therapy office. I will not do it because I HATE groups and in past never fits in. I tell her this repeatedlyand she say just try it blah blah blah. Okay fine. I did that it was a stress relate group. I went to 2 meeting and barely can stay in there I want to leave and I never talked in there the whole time. This dumb man took over the whole meeting talking about his girlfriend forcinghim to wear condoms and he's allergic or whatever. I hated him for making everyone sit and listen to his sex life details. Everyone else seem to like it.

anyway the next time I did the group was a women group only. And there was ladys crying and I felt bad but I didn't say anything. It is very bizarre they sit there and tell all of their business and hug each other over it. I didn't hug anyone and the one lady claim I was too quiet for the group. I would NEVER tells them any of my business like that. They are stranger. I avoid making myself embarrassed because it do not feel good. I'm not going to do that for the therapist benefit. Sorry. I also hated that experience.

she said I am suppose to do positive affirmation every morning and all of it is garbage that I do not even remotely believe 'you are pretty' 'you have worth to others' ' you will finds a job soon' etc. etc. I got sick of lyingto a mirror so I stop doing it. Waste of time.

sooo... what I am sayingis I DO try things and just like I say, I hate them and they don't work out right. A lot of you people on here that keeps trying thing over and over again have had a success I have not. I am tired of trying and it have nothing do with pity party it have to do with reality.

oh I cannot makes money knitting because I am not good enough at that. I am learning off YouTube as I said before ihaveno real talents. If I did someone would have hired me by now.

[JudyKayTee]

Yes and yes. I agree
She ONLY responds to who she wants to. She DOESN'T like ANY of the answers she is receiving from anyone! My hat goes off to Tal, who seems to be VERY tolerant of her behavior.

Guys...I hate to say it, but I think we are wasting our time here. Especially when I see that there are others how NEED and WANT our help!

I have been saying this literally for months. I believe this person posted before under another screen name.

She posts her suicide threats which now include throwing herself under the subway and/or parking her car with the headlights out on a highway - taking other people along with her.

I have a real good idea why she can't find employment, but that's another issue.

I think this has turned into a chat site, something AMHD has always discouraged. It will be interesting the next time I post something and am reminded that this is NOT a chat site.

Someone else wants to be responsible when this person kills someone and has announced her intentions in advance and instead of shutting down shop it turns into a discussion?

I also see a lot of dislike of men (not that she doesn't dislike women, children and domestic animals of all kinds). Probably part of the paranoia. Then there's the whole self hatred thread running through the posts.

OP certainly dislikes me and is responsible for a large percentage of my "dislikes." Want to know why? Because I believe she had another user name, "conversation" was much the same, that person also lived in New Jersey.

Hmmm -

(Out of greenies for Enigma)

[CravenMorhead]

NON-SENSE I CLIPPED

anyways the next time i did the group was a women group only....

she said i am suppose to do positive affirmation every morning and all of it is garbage that i do not even remotely beleive 'you are pretty' .....

sooo...what i am sayingis i DO try things and just like i say, i hate them and they dont work out right. alot of you people on here that keeps trying thing over and over again have had a success i have not. i am tired of trying and it have nothing do with pity party it have to do with reality.

oh i cannot makes money knitting because i am not good enough at that. i am learning off of youtube as i said before ihaveno real talents. if i did someone would have hired me by now.

The therapist keeps telling you to do this and do that and you don't. Who do you think has the problem. If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?

You're stuck in your own little world and you're happy for it. You've already demonized everything you could do. So you stay there in your little world and be happy that you're miserable.

Do you understand what your therapist was trying to do with the groups and the affirmations? She was trying to get you out of your comfort zone. Get your more... socialized. The was the point of the group. To share what you want with anonymous groups of people. This has two effects. First you can verbalize things which helps getting them out of your overthinking mind. Second, since it is anonymous you can have no fear of having it come to bite you in the because, and let's be serious here, your social circle is so small you don't have any chance of running into them again. The other point is that you're socializing. You're learn social cues and you're picking up on things.

The affirmations might be lies. They might not be. They're an attempt to get you to think differently. Take a second look with out your own preconceived notions of yourself. They should be seen and used as little pieces of hope that shore things up. They set the tone for the day. For the slight chance of you getting an interview you will have the confidence not to screw it up like you usually do.

There is a rhyme and reason for everything that your therapist is want you to do. By not doing these you have only yourself to blame for the mess you're in.

Your problems. You figure out the solution. When you want help find it and actually use it. Until then... Don't bother us with this drivel.

[smoothy]

The therapist keeps telling you to do this and do that and you don't. Who do you think has the problem. If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?

You're stuck in your own little world and you're happy for it. You've already demonized everything you could do. So you stay there in your little world and be happy that you're miserable.

Do you understand what your therapist was trying to do with the groups and the affirmations? She was trying to get you out of your comfort zone. Get your more... socialized. The was the point of the group. To share what you want with anonymous groups of people. This has two effects. First you can verbalize things which helps getting them out of your overthinking mind. Second, since it is anonymous you can have no fear of having it come to bite you in the because, and let's be serious here, your social circle is so small you don't have any chance of running into them again. The other point is that you're socializing. You're learn social cues and you're picking up on things.

The affirmations might be lies. They might not be. They're an attempt to get you to think differently. Take a second look with out your own preconceived notions of your self. They should be seen and used as little pieces of hope that shore things up. They set the tone for the day. For the slight chance of you getting an interview you will have the confidence not to screw it up like you usually do.

There is a rhyme and reason for everything that your therapist is want you to do. By not doing these you have only yourself to blame for the mess you're in.

Your problems. You figure out the solution. When you want help find it and actually use it. Until then... Don't bother us with this drivel.

Exactly... its clear she'd rather rant about everything than face the fact all her problems are both imaginary and self imposed.

I'm convinced she doesn't want help... she thinks the world should conform to her warped perspective rather than her making the changes she needs to make.

Unless she WANTS to change... then NOBODY walking this earth can help her. She's happy wallowing in her misery.

Yes she's got some real issues... but most people with those same issues are willing to try to better themselves within the range of their capacity, whatever that might be.

I say if she wants to be unhappy and alone... she's got it... she's worked hard to run everyone off that's tried to help her.

And she's been a huge success at it.

I don't lose a wink of sleep at night over it either. As an adult everyone is responsible for their own actions... and the fruit of those actions.

[Piercing_Lover_]

I really think you need therapy. There can be something in your subconscious mind that happened to you in your past pertaining to men. You've also probably tired to suppress it so much that you nearly forgot that it happened. There is no reason why you should be terrified of men. Men tend to be very sincere to women, it doesn't have to be regarding a sexual gesture or reason behind it. If they feel you are beautiful, they want to be nice so that they're noticed. Just attend a couple therapy sessions! You should be fine. :)

I'm a psychology major so I kind of know these things ;)

[smoothy]

I really think you need therapy. There can be something in your subconscious mind that happened to you in your past pertaining to men. You've also probably tired to suppress it so much that you nearly forgot that it happened. There is no reason why you should be terrified of men. Men tend to be very sincere to women, it doesn't have to be regarding a sexual gesture or reason behind it. If they feel you are beautiful, they want to be nice so that they're noticed. Just attend a couple therapy sessions! You should be fine. :)

I'm a psychology major so I kinda know these things ;)

I believe some people just can't be helped... and the OP's one of them. Maybe not when this thread started... but right now I do wholeheartedly. She doesn't WANT therapy. (been there doesn't take it serious).. she DOES want to be unhappy. If she can't complain about everything and everyone then her own existence is meaningless to her own mind.

[Cat1864]

I really think you need therapy. There can be something in your subconscious mind that happened to you in your past pertaining to men. You've also probably tired to suppress it so much that you nearly forgot that it happened. There is no reason why you should be terrified of men. Men tend to be very sincere to women, it doesn't have to be regarding a sexual gesture or reason behind it. If they feel you are beautiful, they want to be nice so that they're noticed. Just attend a couple therapy sessions! You should be fine. :)

I'm a psychology major so I kinda know these things ;)

Thank you for adding your advice. However, I highly suggest reading the entire thread to gain more information about the original question, follow-up questions, and the poster. Most threads contain more information that is covered in the op.

In this case, she has been to therapy and there are other extenuating circumstances that affect her perceptions.

[JudyKayTee]

I really think you need therapy. There can be something in your subconscious mind that happened to you in your past pertaining to men. You've also probably tired to suppress it so much that you nearly forgot that it happened. There is no reason why you should be terrified of men. Men tend to be very sincere to women, it doesn't have to be regarding a sexual gesture or reason behind it. If they feel you are beautiful, they want to be nice so that they're noticed. Just attend a couple therapy sessions! You should be fine. :)

I'm a psychology major so I kinda know these things ;)

I'm a Psych minor - did you actually read the entire thread and the other threads the OP has started?

[Wondergirl]

I really think you need therapy. There can be something in your subconscious mind that happened to you in your past pertaining to men. You've also probably tired to suppress it so much that you nearly forgot that it happened. There is no reason why you should be terrified of men. Men tend to be very sincere to women, it doesn't have to be regarding a sexual gesture or reason behind it. If they feel you are beautiful, they want to be nice so that they're noticed. Just attend a couple therapy sessions! You should be fine. :)

I'm a psychology major so I kinda know these things ;)

I have a graduate degree in psych and am a professional counselor. She IS receiving therapy, but resists everything that is being tried or said there or here. Please read the entire thread before responding. Thank you.

[JudyKayTee]

I have a graduate degree in psych and am a professional counselor. She IS receiving therapy, but resists everything that is being tried or said there or here. Please read the entire thread before responding. Thank you.

Does a graduate degree trump a minor? Darn! But I sat closer to the front of the class than you did -

I am reminded of a dear friend. I see her often, but not as often as I used to. Any time we went out, the two of us, a group of us, there was ALWAYS a man who was "staring" at her, de-humanizing her, embarrassing her, upsetting her, staring at her breasts, her rear end, something else. The rest of us never had that problem, and none of us bark at and chase cars.

The less attention males paid to her the more she felt insulted.

Someone one of us works with sent a round of drinks to our table. She refused hers and sent it back because she was insulted, and he was making sexual overtures toward HER which apparently the rest of us didn't see/understand/recognize. Talk about being delusional.

It was (and is) entirely her perception.

One of my friends was in a national ad campaign - and yet "men" in general are focusing on this other person? I highly doubt it. Past history? As far as I know there is none.