[adam4little]

Hey all

I have a two parter... and I am very confused right now, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Ok, so my girlfriend and I were together 3+ years. I feel like ever since this thing we deemed the 'incident' 6 months into our relationship where a girl from my work called my cell phone... she has always been mad at me on and off about something. Anyway... we dated for a long time-all through college etc- and we had a great time. We decided we wanted to move in together and so I moved home three hours to live with my parents this past summer to earn enough money to move and get a place with her.

So she is really hurt by this because she wants me to live with her and save up money at her apartment. I notice the sex declines around this time, and our sex becomes less frequent to the point where she has trouble getting that feeling when we do decide to do it. So eventually we move together and things are a roller coaster.

For weeks we are super in love, making dinner together, snuggling, having sex, etc. then I forget to bring the recylcing bin in and she flips out to the point where she hits me and curses at me... Anyways I develop a weird thing Peyronie's disease-basically a damage to the penis that causes it to bend and for some men become impotent. There is no cure and it is a disease that runs like a 6 month course before stabilizing. So my uro tells me to not have sex for awhile for fear of further damage and tells me to keep an eye on it. Naturally I am very freaked out because my penis is worsening by the day and my relationship isn't the strongest... but she assures me she loves me etc etc. So anyway... I am freakig out... very depressed by this and she is so unsupportive telling me to be a man and grow up... fnally after 6 months the disease runs its course and I am able to (luckily) still have sex with a new curvature.

But then in Feb, a day after V-Day I get really sick... I have night sweats, I lose 15 lbs in two weeks and I cannot eat. My primary care doc is 6 hours away and tells me to move home for a few weeks because he thinks it could be something serious (cancer) and wants to rule that out. So I move home for two weeks... one night she calls me and she is crying hysterically... she says she is done with me and it is over. The next day I call her and she is so mean to me. She says she doesn't care if Im sick and it is over and to move out or she will make my life hell. So I get the OK from the doc two weeks later that I had what they suspect to be some crazy virus and no cancer... and I move back to my apartment.

We get in a huge fight because she says I 'popped in' and tells me to move out ASAP. I want to be her friend so I move out and sleep on my brother's couch. As soon as I hand over the keys it is the end. I have tried contacting her and she won't get back to me. When I did see her recently on the street, I cried and she sat there stoically and told me I was the lowest form of life she had ever seen. I told myself NC... but two days ago broke that by calling and leaving a voicemail. I called back and she has blocked my phone number now. So long story short... ladies... gentlemen... Ive broken NC... is there any redemption from this?

Why is she treating me so bad? I swear to you all now I never cheated or did anything bad... and finally, when does it start getting better? I feel so low right now. How can another person make you feel worthless? I don't even want to be with her... If someone could predict the future and tell me she would feel my pain someday Id be happy... is that pathetic? Thanks, Adam


Oh yeah and when moving out I saw a recipet from Victoria Secrets for a fitting... she bought three push up bras and sexy new underwear and a bunch of perfume. My neghbor also told me boys visit and when I asked her about this she said they were friends and it was none of my business and it wasn't about another guy... but I asked her if she had had sex with someone else and she said she wouldn't entertain that thought because I was trying to control her now.

[amicon]

For whatever reasons,her feelings changed.

You must accept that and start rebuilding your own life.

NC will speed up the healing process so no more voicemail,no more trying to get in touch.

It hurts now,but stick with the no contact,find things to do and be with people who care for you.

You'll mend,time's on your side.

[adam4little]

Damn... amicon... I know you are right... what are the odds she will come crawling back and I get to reject her? This is what I want now more than anyting... as petty as it sounds.

[amicon]

Slim...

Those feelings of yours will fade as well,and you'll be happy she didn't.

[Wondergirl]

what are the odds she will come crawling back and I get to reject her?

Why lower yourself to her level? Do NC and move forward with your life.

[adviceishere]

I am a firm believer in karma, I'm not sure how you feel about karma but she will get what's coming to her. You may not know about it or when or how it happens but I reckon it will happen.

You need to let go! Your feelings are normal, like wanting her to come crawling back so you can reject her but you need to stop thinking like that. You might even say she already got her karma in the form that she screwed up something that was good, maybe the best thing she could have had and will now never get it back. :eek:

In the mean-time, you get on with your life, do something productive and look forward to the next girl that can make you blissfully happy. And that you WILL make blissfully happy in return and this ex will be kicking herself that she ever let you go ;)

[mmresd]

I feel like ever since this thing we deemed the 'incident' 6 months into our relationship where a girl from my work called my cell phone....she has always been mad at me on and off about something.

You don't "deem" something like that, you play it as if it didn't matter and shake it off, you don't let it set in a calendar.

For weeks we are super in love, making dinner together, snuggling, having sex, etc. then I forget to bring the recylcing bin in and she flips out to the point where she hits me and curses at me.

This makes it sound like she might be bipolar.

Ive broken NC....is there any redemption from this?

Yeah, just reinstate it and keep it this time forever, control yourself.

Why is she treating me so bad?

It seems she has a psychological problem it is better to just leave her alone, as she has requested. Plus, why would you want to be back with someone who is going to treat you in a way you don't want to be treated, regardless of the reason why?

I swear to you all now I never cheated or did anything bad....and finally, when does it start getting better?

Everyone is different, and we all heal from heart break at different rates, just go No Contact and give it some time, A LOT of it, and eventually you will be feeling like normal again.

How can another person make you feel worthless?

Because you allow them to, if you had kept yourself esteem and left her at the right time because you DESERVE better, then she wouldn't have had the power to do this, but take this as an experience you can learn something from and don't allow it to happen again.

I dont even want to be with her...If someone could predict the future and tell me she would feel my pain someday Id be happy...is that pathetic?

Is not pathetic, it is common for you to feel vengeful, but control yourself, karma will do it's job, just don't ever talk to her again and any feelings, good or bad, will fade away with time.

Good Luck,
Javi