What do I do now? I have already screwed up NC
Hey all
I have a two parter... and I am very confused right now, so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Ok, so my girlfriend and I were together 3+ years. I feel like ever since this thing we deemed the 'incident' 6 months into our relationship where a girl from my work called my cell phone... she has always been mad at me on and off about something. Anyway... we dated for a long time-all through college etc- and we had a great time. We decided we wanted to move in together and so I moved home three hours to live with my parents this past summer to earn enough money to move and get a place with her.
So she is really hurt by this because she wants me to live with her and save up money at her apartment. I notice the sex declines around this time, and our sex becomes less frequent to the point where she has trouble getting that feeling when we do decide to do it. So eventually we move together and things are a roller coaster.
For weeks we are super in love, making dinner together, snuggling, having sex, etc. then I forget to bring the recylcing bin in and she flips out to the point where she hits me and curses at me... Anyways I develop a weird thing Peyronie's disease-basically a damage to the penis that causes it to bend and for some men become impotent. There is no cure and it is a disease that runs like a 6 month course before stabilizing. So my uro tells me to not have sex for awhile for fear of further damage and tells me to keep an eye on it. Naturally I am very freaked out because my penis is worsening by the day and my relationship isn't the strongest... but she assures me she loves me etc etc. So anyway... I am freakig out... very depressed by this and she is so unsupportive telling me to be a man and grow up... fnally after 6 months the disease runs its course and I am able to (luckily) still have sex with a new curvature.
But then in Feb, a day after V-Day I get really sick... I have night sweats, I lose 15 lbs in two weeks and I cannot eat. My primary care doc is 6 hours away and tells me to move home for a few weeks because he thinks it could be something serious (cancer) and wants to rule that out. So I move home for two weeks... one night she calls me and she is crying hysterically... she says she is done with me and it is over. The next day I call her and she is so mean to me. She says she doesn't care if Im sick and it is over and to move out or she will make my life hell. So I get the OK from the doc two weeks later that I had what they suspect to be some crazy virus and no cancer... and I move back to my apartment.
We get in a huge fight because she says I 'popped in' and tells me to move out ASAP. I want to be her friend so I move out and sleep on my brother's couch. As soon as I hand over the keys it is the end. I have tried contacting her and she won't get back to me. When I did see her recently on the street, I cried and she sat there stoically and told me I was the lowest form of life she had ever seen. I told myself NC... but two days ago broke that by calling and leaving a voicemail. I called back and she has blocked my phone number now. So long story short... ladies... gentlemen... Ive broken NC... is there any redemption from this?
Why is she treating me so bad? I swear to you all now I never cheated or did anything bad... and finally, when does it start getting better? I feel so low right now. How can another person make you feel worthless? I don't even want to be with her... If someone could predict the future and tell me she would feel my pain someday Id be happy... is that pathetic? Thanks, Adam
Oh yeah and when moving out I saw a recipet from Victoria Secrets for a fitting... she bought three push up bras and sexy new underwear and a bunch of perfume. My neghbor also told me boys visit and when I asked her about this she said they were friends and it was none of my business and it wasn't about another guy... but I asked her if she had had sex with someone else and she said she wouldn't entertain that thought because I was trying to control her now.
