[heart_line]

... and back to square one :(

I broke nc again... we texted all night... I didn't beg him to come back... just trying to understand.. but, really, why is that so important? It's over - no matter why...

OK.. I'm still not so strong as I wish. So, my heart can't accept what my head already knows. I know exactly what I have to do, but for some strange reason, I can't hold on to that.

Loss of dignity... another terrible consequence of being dumped.

I'm such a sorry mess...

[none12345]

...and back to square one :(

i broke nc again... we texted all night... i didn't beg him to come back... just trying to understand.. but, really, why is that so important? it's over - no matter why...

ok.. i'm still not so strong as i wish. so, my heart can't accept what my head already knows. i know exactly what i have to do, but for some strange reason, i can't hold on to that.

loss of dignity.... another terrible consequence of being dumped.

i'm such a sorry mess...

Its okay, don't beat yourself up for it. Instead, take it as a lesson. Don't break NC!! It took me around 100 pages on this forum for people to telil me to stop breaking NC before I actually stood up and stuck to NC. Its only natural for humans to feel and you got to admit, you broke NC because deep down you still wanted him back. Try to control yourself! "If your hand is holding you down, cut it off". I don't mean it literally but some things you can do is, delete his number.

If you have it memorized. Cancel your cell phone service until you can control yourself or give it to someone you trust to hold on. Stop thinking about him!! Keep yourself very busy. Exercise! So when you have nothing to do at night you ll be too tired to contact him. I know you can do it. After all what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

[amicon]

Lesson learned I hope-it makes no difference whatever the reasons were-what matters now is that you regroup and find the strength to start moving on.

Breaking NC only slows down your healing process.

[heart_line]

This is the only song I want to listen :)

[Something_Here]

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's been what, a week-and-a-half? Of course you're still going to suffer from the fallout. Try to keep NC though. You might miss him, but remind yourself that the pain is exponentially worse if you contact him.

[heart_line]

That's the lesson I've learned. More contact - more pain. Less contact - less pain. Even if I think it would be better if I saw him or contact him(and that's the reason I broke nc several times) it's not true. And I find myself thinking - oh, no, I don't want to cause myself such a hurt.. so I'm not tempted anymore to text him or call him. I want to heal.

We have a little saying here - "away from the eyes-away from the heart". And that makes sense.

[amicon]

Stay strong and keep busy,time is on your side.

Out of sight is out of mind-there's some truth in that.

It will get easier,day by day.

[heart_line]

3 days nc... doing well... sort of.
I cried last night, and the night before... but it's a little bit easier. Deep deep deep down... maybe I'm still hoping... but hey,I'm only human :)... and I know there's no real chance, so I don't think anymore about it.

[amicon]

Its OK to cry-stay NC as I think you have realised that this does the confusion.

Once you have accepted that its truly over,the real healing begins.

[Showme_urmove]

Hey heart_line. I just realized that broken heart is like breaking a bone in your body, Its one of the must painful thing you can ever experience.
For your bone to heal you need to have a cast on it and you can't move it for months depending on the injury maybe a year. For a few days you feel that pain when you sleep and when you wake up, and months comes by, you feel it but not as bad as the beginning, then 8 months comes along and you start feeling better, then a year comes along and your bone is now better and stronger then ever before. The reason for that is because, you let your injury healed the proper way.
You will always feel the pain as long as you stay in contact with that man. The more you hope the more you prolong your healing. Put a cast around your heart and don't let anyone touch it until you are completely healed. No one can take good care of you but yourself. Love from someone else comes and Go but the love for yourself will never die.
YOUR BEST YEARS IS NOT YESTERDAY, BUT YOUR BEST YEARS IS TO COME!!

[heart_line]

I'm a little bit afraid of what's going to happen when I see him... and we are living in a small town, I will see him, probably, soon or a later.. I don't know how to behave.. I don't know what my reaction would be.. right now I feel like I'm in some kind of bubble, and I'm protected as long I stay nc.. but, what if he break nc (I doubt it... but maybe he would want to know if I'm doing ok)? What if we meet accidentally? Maybe it will start again for me.. all the pain and suffering and silly hope... I'm still not over... it's just two weeks since he broke up, and about 4, 5 days since I last saw him...

... oh, I'm so confused...

[amicon]

NC means you have no contact whatsoever with him,so delete/block his number/numbers-email FB etc.

Should you bump in to him,polite but very busy and keep walking.

Don't let him stop you from going about your business.

[heart_line]

I deleted his number, blocked his email and fb... I deactivated my fb account about a year ago... now I just reactivated it to block him, so I could not be tempted to see what's happening in his life... and deactivated it again.. until I heal.. or for ever.
He hasn't deleted my number... I guess. So he can text me... but OK, I'll think about it if that happens.
I hope I will be strong enough to be polite and busy when (if) I bump in to him...

[amicon]

Ask your mobile phone network provider if they can block texts from his number.
Some have that service available.

If you can't block his number,delete without reading!


Stay strong and once you are past that first seeing him around town,you will realise that that was just a bump in the road.

[heart_line]

Why is everything so hard?
I tried to do all by the book, and I'm constantly breaking all and ruining all my progress... and, omg, I'm so smart and I know everything what other should do.. but for myself.. I'm so stupid.

I'm so ashame to admit again... when everybody here is telling me to stay nc... that I'm not listening...
Last night I initiated contact again... and it ended, of course, very bad.. he said it's the best thing to not being in contact anymore and he wishes me luck... and hope I would forgive him some time.. and I said that the best thing would be if I've never met him in a first place and that ill never ever going to forgive him and that everything he told me was a lie.. and he said.. that's nothing more we can say...


So, my dear friends, THAT'S the bottom. How lower can I be?

... but in somestrange way... I feel kind of better... :( maybe...

[amicon]

Now remember what he said and don't contact him again.

[talaniman]

This forum is FULL of people who do things the hard way, and have to go through the emotional fall out.

The good thing about NC is, you can always start over when you screw up, because its all about how you cope with your own feelings any way. Its never about the ex. That's what we focus on though, what they are doing.

Focus on what you do.

[none12345]

why is everything so hard?
i tried to do all by the book, and im constantly breaking all and ruining all my progress... and, omg, im so smart and i know everything what other should do.. but for myself.. im so stupid.

im so ashame to admit again... when everybody here is telling me to stay nc... that im not listening...
last night i initiated contact again... and it ended, of course, very bad.. he said it's the best thing to not being in contact anymore and he wishes me luck...and hope i would forgive him some time..and i said that the best thing would be if ive never met him in a first place and that ill never ever gonna forgive him and that everything he told me was a lie.. and he said.. that's nothing more we can say...


so, my dear friends, THAT'S the bottom. how lower can I be?

...but in somestrange way.... i feel kind of better...:( maybe...

You honestly need some self control. You are an addict. So you have 2 options. To keep being an addict and to keep going lower than what you already have and become a stalker and a possesive jealous person, or detox and wait for the next person to come along. Sorry to be so rude but you need some good slap in the face to wake up!

[heart_line]

Thank you all.

I'm awake. I'm alive. I'm stronger... and hopefully, I will be better person.
I'm not going to contact him anymore.

That's all. My life doesn't stop here.