[vanheart]

Totally.

[emopunk7]

Emopunk7 here! Coming to you live from New York.
So, she broke up with you. You did NC and she begged. Good job so far.
Now she calls and because your mom will be away and I'm guessing you will feel lonely and want someone around to have fun with, you answer her call and want to have a quick fix with her so you can enjoy the two weeks. This situation made you seem desperate.

I thought she maybe had plans since she wanted to wait for the following weekend but you claim she didn't simply because she answered when you called. She could have done what she had to do by then. Either way, she was home in pj's and wasn't busy when you called. She is also willing to wait another week to go by and not see you. The fact that she isn't busy and didn't go out is even more perplexed and mind-boggling because she would still rather just wander at home and not see you. Can you imagine if she did have plans? This just goes to show how far gone you are.

Also, she seems to give orders after begging. She states that you either see her when she wants or nothing. Then she blames it on you for rushing and jolting. Does manipulation come to mind. Listen, I dated a girl just like the one you are dealing with. The truth is she just isn't that into you and that's why the two of you will always have problems. Even in this situation where it would seem you would have most control, she still does and it shows that you want her more than she does you. Isn't that ridiculous? I know that you see this too but you still try. Enough is enough. This is proof enough to show that if it doesn't work once, it just doesn't work. Don't ignore the signs and go through more heartache. There is so much more to enjoy.

I hope you understand what I am saying. It just doesn't add up. My final advice to you will be as follows: Ring her and tell her that it is game over. Tell her you care about her a lot but it is evident to you that you like her more than she likes you. Tell her you notice that she likes to take control too much and doesn't give you space to be a man. (Ex: She dumps you (She took control), She begs for you back (She needs something to control), She gets you to agree and tells you when to meet (She gets something to control and begins the process ASAP)). Tell her this must come to an end. Tell her while you know you may be impatient, let her know that may be because you feel she has all the control and that maybe she should work on that if she ever wants a chance in a good and healthy relationship.

I think we all know (including yourself) that this is not the girl you are meant to be with. It wouldn't be this confusing. Good luck and go find the girl waiting for you. Everyday away from this one, is a step closer to the right one!

[vanheart]

"Everyday away from this one, is a step closer to the right one!"

Yup. You already had a taste of how great that was.

[vanheart]

Here's something that really helped me when I was recoiling.

From Byron Katie (thanks, Tao for turning me on, Where you been?)

Her 4 questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe this thought?
4. Who would you be without this thought?
Turn the thought around.

I refer to that whenever Im tripping.

[itsyerboi]

There's one detail you guys got wrong, I phoned her as per you guys previous advice. She never called me. She said on the phone she was waiting for my call and wondered why I hadn't called earlier. Ive phoned her twice now and she made it clear she wants me back.

She just called me up about 30 minutes ago and asked if she could come over and see me. I said I didn't know just yet.

I understand my impatience was a huge problem for her and for me. Upon every situation or argument I always wanted an answer there and then and sometimes she wasn't able to provide one but I would push anyway. She said this got to her a lot because she felt I wasn't allowing her time to breathe in any given situation.

As far as the sex thing, once a week is fine. Just not once every 3 weeks. She actually said that she's never had a huge interest in sex. I asked why she was interested more in the beginning and she said people will always have more interest during the honeymoon period. So Im also going to have to be a lot more accepting towards what she says.

The two problems I struggle with the most are acceptance and patience. Both of which I really need to work on.

She still however should not have dumped me just because things got tough. And I am still torn on the priority thing. I feel like I need to be her first priority but feel perhaps Im in the wrong frame for thinking this.

As for her claiming I've met somebody, Im not sure what that was about. She asked me to tell her if Id met somebody and if I had, she wouldn't waste her efforts on me anymore. I also see that when she wouldn't meet me the other weekend even though she for certain was doing absolutely nothing at home, this proved she wasn't all that interested in fixing things.

Her actions have changed now and she seems more interested in fixing this mess but is it genuine or is it like some of you guys have said, she only wants it back because she feels lost without it...

EDIT:

Also to add, Ive been absolutely fine. I have been out all weekend with my friends to eat and actually went to a gig. I haven't been lonely at all with my mum away. I also haven't actually thought about her that much. Like I said it appears she had been waiting for my call and then questioned why I hadn't bothered with her much.

[itsyerboi]

Anymore help guys?

I had a real good think last night about what Tal said and perhaps my impatience was a big cause of the split.

If Im honest, it came up a lot during the later part of the relationship. My need for answers and explanations right there and then.

Im willing to put a lot of work into this issue. Not for her, but for myself.

[talaniman]

At this stage I would have expected you to have figured out what you want by now.

The whole point was about you making a decision without her influence. Most guys are influenced by the physical parts of a female. But are you seeing things just by talking? I think so, but eventually you will have to be strong enough on your own to face things head on, and deal with the outcome.

[itsyerboi]

At this stage I would have expected you to have figured out what you want by now.

The whole point was about you making a decision without her influence. Most guys are influenced by the physical parts of a female. But are you seeing things just by talking? I think so, but eventually you will have to be strong enough on your own to face things head on, and deal with the outcome.

Yeah I see what you mean, that's why I haven't agreed to see her yet. Im going to have to see her eventually.

Im still not 100% sure just yet but I think I may give it another go. Perhaps after another conversation on the phone. And even though Im waiting for her to accept a little more of the blame than she has right now. Im more looking to finding out a few answers from her about me. My mum has told me for many years that Im impatient. The funny thing is, I don't actually realise Im doing it at the time!

Im sure over the next couple of days I'll make a definite yes or no decision.

[hungtoronto]

Theres one detail you guys got wrong, I phoned her as per you guys previous advice. She never called me. She said on the phone she was waitin for my call and wondered why I hadnt called earlier. Ive phoned her twice now and she made it clear she wants me back.

Of course she want you back since you're both desperate lol. You haven't learn a thing. Oh well. So now you are back together, try not to be so impatience like call her twice instead of waiting for her to call you again. Of course she will call you again but you was impatience.

Anyway, it's hard to give you advice now since there's no blood left in your brain. I hope things work out for you. It's not easy to do the right thing but at least if you learn something out of this we are doing our job.

[itsyerboi]

Of course she want you back since you're both desperate lol. You haven't learn a thing. Oh well. So now you are back together, try not to be so impatience like call her twice instead of waiting for her to call you again. Of course she will call you again but you was impatience.

Anyways, it's hard to give you advice now since there's no blood left in your brain. I hope things work out for you. It's not easy to do the right thing but at least if you learn something out of this we are doing our job.

Sorry this is really confusing,

We're not back together yet. My impatience wasn't calling her twice in a row. It was over many things, such as having a conversation about something and her no being able to provide me with an answer there and then. Or for example talking about planning a trip to paris and her not being sure if she could afford it, so I'd keep pushing for an answer. Ive always been the type that I feel I need to know things right away and this is a huge problem for me.

What I've learnt from this is that I should be patient with people. Ive also learnt that without proper communication, things will never work. I've learnt too that I don't like certain things in a relationship.

However Im still not understanding why a person who wants me back was wanting to take it slow and at 'their' pace. The only answer I got for that was because she didn't want to rush back into the relationship and have all those same problems crop up again.

If I decide to, Im not going to jump back into this like everythings great because we had a little chat, because its not. She ended things and whether my behaviour was the deciding factor on that, I can't be sure. But she still ended it and now wants it back. I know this sounds very unfair but a part of me feels like she's not being punished enough for that action. Like she needs to learn that you cannot just drop somebody when things get tough and pick them up after its cooled down.

Im doing absolutely fine by myself over the past weeks. I don't need to get back with her. If I wanted to, I need to make sure these same things don't happen again. For example. If I become impatient again, I could get dumped a second time!

[talaniman]

Well, if you feel that way, why are you wasting your time even talking about it? Seems to me your mind is made up. So tell her that.

[dynocompe]

I hate talking on the phone, so I would have rather delt with this in person.
You don't have to go right back to dating, you can just talk in person you know. To me that's the mature way.
But I definitely wouldn't be letting her set the time this takes . She begging for you back, then she should want to meet your needs.

As soon as she said no to meeting you the weekend coming up, I would have said see you later. I do not think you are being impatient. I just think she doesn't care as much as you, and doesn't care to meet your needs. She is selfish and wants things to revolve around her and you to be her little puppy dog.
I think by her calling you impatient, that is just her way of trying to make you feel like its your fault, so she can have control.
Move on man. You know in your brain it's the right thing to do. I know you know this. Just do it - Nike

[leetaljeff]

Do yourself a favor, and drop the chat/text. Its against the rules, and hard to understand, and will be deleted, as your other post was.