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breakup09help · Oct 19, 2009, 08:26 AM

Hi ME and my ex went out for a year she broke up with me almost a month ago now we haven't spoke in 1 week.. Sometimes I'm fine.. And sometimes I feel very sad or think about her.. If she's with someone is she thinks of me.. If she's happy.. And then I'm fine again at times. Is this still normal at a month? What's normal time it takes to get over someone you been dating for a year. Also when is a safe time to start dating..? Does everyone differ? When is it safe to say you won't campare and when is it to soon to get into another relationship and it turn into a disater.. I no if you date to soon it probably won't work is this tru? @ this time I don't feel like dating cause I'm still a little hurt..? I'm just curious..

Thanks

I wish · Oct 19, 2009, 08:54 AM

Try reading all the stickies at the top of the section: Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk

Wait until you've recovered from the break up before getting into another relationship, otherwise you're just looking for a rebound. There's no timeline on when is a good time to start dating again. It differs for everyone. Just focus on doing things to better yourself first.

As for comparing with your ex, it's going to happen even 10 years down the line. You can't always control that feeling of comparisson. Eventually, you will figure out what you want, and you will naturally compare less and less frequently.

kctiger · Oct 19, 2009, 09:17 AM

There is never a rush to get your heart and emotions in check. A month isn't long at all. The more time you spend having fun and just enjoying all the things life has to offer, the faster you will find yourself moving on and healing.

I think being a single guy is often times underrated. You date when you are ready, but too often we date to have a companion. Whatever happened to dating just to have fun? Take your time.

breakup09help · Oct 19, 2009, 01:05 PM

Yea a big part of it I guess is.. I miss the relationship and being in it.. OF course I'm only thinking of the good times and all that.. I guess its just a part of healling?

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 01:12 PM

It should be called healing and dealing, the point is to learn how to deal with your feelings over time, and there is no hurry for that. When your ready is soon enough.

Patience with yourself is the key.

breakup09help · Oct 19, 2009, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

It should be called healing and dealing, the point is to learn how to deal with your feelings over time, and there is no hurry for that. When your ready is soon enough.

Patience with yourself is the key.

That makes sense its when I'm ready could be 2morow or 3 months but its up to me.. I have to patient.. I just need to get used to being single I think.. I think that's my issue

paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 07:15 PM

Give yourself 4 month to 6 month to be single. Then you can look for someone else.

breakup09help · Oct 20, 2009, 04:01 AM

All this is great advice it make me feel a lot better. Now problem is now controlling my wondering mind.. For example ill start thinking what's she doing.? Is she thinking of me?? Is she seeing someone?? That's really what's killing me how do I stop these thoughts?

zippit · Oct 20, 2009, 04:24 AM

You can't STOP those thoughts but you can try to keep yourself busy and monitor yourself at the end of a day ask yourself how many times did I think of her today and then let some time go by and ask yourself that again,eventually you will say "hey I didnt think about it at all today!" and then reward yourself for your progress it is a day by day healing.
Good luck my friend

breakup09help · Oct 20, 2009, 04:29 AM

Originally Posted by zippit

You can't STOP those thoughts but you can try to keep yourself busy and monitor yourself at the end of a day ask yourself how many times did I think of her today and then let some time go by and ask yourself that again,eventually you will say "hey I didnt think about it at all today!" and then reward yourself for your progress it is a day by day healing.
good luck my friend

Thanks I appreciate it.. Your right.. we haven't spoke for a week now.. and that helps I think it got a little harder for me the last 2 days... but I have a lot to do this week.. even though we haven't spoke for a week I miss talking to her.. im going out tonight after work and Thursday and maybee Friday I've been staying with all my friends. When I'm with them and buisy I'm okie but once alone ughhh.. its hard :(

Romefalls19 · Oct 20, 2009, 05:21 AM

Start doing some more things, maybe join a gym, anything to occupy free time. It's true, an idle mind is a hurtful thing during a break up. You are constantly thinking about things, personally I learned very quickly to only worry about things I could control which were my own actions and feelings and what I did with them

breakup09help · Oct 20, 2009, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Start doing some more things, maybe join a gym, anything to occupy free time. It's true, an idle mind is a hurtful thing during a break up. You are constantly thinking about things, personally I learned very quickly to only worry about things I could control which were my own actions and feelings and what I did with them

That's my problem I need to start worrying about things that I can change.. I have a hard time doing just that.. And yes the gym is very helpful I've been going for years I am well built thank god I been going it makes things easier and give more confidence and hope for new relatioships.. TO be honest I think I'm more worried about be alone then anything is this a normal feeling

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 08:25 AM

Being alone is nothing... feeling lonely is something. I LOVE being alone, but I don't feel lonely. Once you fill your life with happiness and things you enjoy, you won't even notice that you have no one t answer to but yourself. The right person comes along when we least expect it, and when we are filled with joy in our own life... thus there will be many more people wanting to share in that joy.

paxe · Oct 20, 2009, 08:30 AM

Kc's right. Being alone is more than OK, feeling lonely isn't. This is why you have friends and family and if you show a lot of energy then you will make more friends. It's more than normal to feel scared about not finding someone for future relationship, but you need to lose that fear and be single for some time, before thinking of going with someone else. Don't worry everything will fall back into place.

zippit · Oct 20, 2009, 02:38 PM

I suggest a doggie

destiny09 · Oct 21, 2009, 05:04 AM

Having just come out of a 3yr relationship I think its quite normal to ask all those questions you have, I am still doing it now, less often I think but I still do it. Unfortunately for various reasons we still have to have limited contact which makes it harder. Its hard to not be a couple anymore, you feel a bit lost without them but it gets easier, replace them with fun stuff

I often wonder who is he with, is he enjoying himself now he's not with me, I bet he's met womeone else already etc. It does you no good, you will never know the answer to what your mind is thinking so don't even try. Keeping busy is great but there will be times you are alone and its learning how to deal with it all then.

Be happy in your own company, entertain yourself.