[classicrocker]

Is it true that the first break up is the harddest (first seriouse relationship) is the hardest to get over?

[Chameleon24]

I just went through my first break up and that's what everyone keeps telling me. I'm thinking it feels that way because it's the first time a person is experiencing something like that. They've never been through it before, so they don't know what to do.
It seems to me though that it mostly depends on the person and how the relationship went. Maybe a person can look back after being in 3 or 4 serious relationships and one might stand out as being harder for them depending on how deeply they were involved, how long they were together, the reasons it didn't work out, etc, and I don't think it necessarily has the be the first one.
So I can't know anything from experience, since I've only been through one myself, but that's just my guess.

[jamimama]

All break-ups are hard and the difficulty depends on you, the other person, the relationship's intensity and length, the circumstances, everything variable.

I believe that when the time comes when your heart is broken again, you can make a future break-up easier on yourself by applying the knowledge and experience you gain from past break-ups to the current circumstance. Break-up 2 may not be easier than break-up 1 or break-up 3 for that matter, but maybe you'll be a little better-equipped to navigate through heartache and to understand the healing process next time around.

[classicrocker]

Makes complete sense thanks guys

[chuff]

The first break up is the toughest because

1. You don't know the rules.
2. You don't know what to do.
3. You think that nobody has ever loved anybody else as much as you have so nobody can relate (which is a total BS lie that you are telling yourself)
4. You are experiencing real loss... maybe for the first time ever.

Break ups are like death. They must be treated the same. You are losing someone special for the rest of your life. Unlike your relatives when you lose them, you usually won't look back at the ex with the same good thoughts of a relative. In time the break up sting will go away and you will be fine and doing great as always. Read the sticky on what to do in a break up situation, I personally recommend working out, I've been doing it all week and I'm feeling great.

[kp2171]

chuff has some great points here, especially #3 modified to have "and you dont believe anyone else can understand"... bzzzzzz! Wrong. There's a few billion other people on this earth and a few of us have been in similar situations. It isn't much consolation when you are in crap up to your neck to hear "yep. been there. sucks. youll get out"... but its true.

also the point about an ending of a first huge love being like going through the stages of mourning when a loved one dies. Except here you get to "replace" that person eventually.

uh... my first big love lost was the "hardest" in part because I was so stupid about the things I needed to do to end it before I wasted time trying to salvage it (so I kept opening a wound)

I was stupid about believing I just couldn't find someone with that connection again (you don't, you find new people with new connections) and mourning that

so... by the time I struggled for a year and change and finally got my head out of my arse, id gone through some rough stuff.

the next big love I lost was simply easier to work through. Still hurt, but I understood what it took to recover when someone hits you in the teeth with a 2x4. Get hit enough, and you just seem to be tempered to it, you can recover your balance better.

doesn't mean it still isn't ugly. Doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt... so I'm not sure the first one hurts more... its just you deal with it poorly, make bad decisions, waste more time on the jerk by thinking about them. Blech.

the first time through I found myself in sorrow too fast. The second time through, anger was a great friend. Nothing like being pi$$ed and telling yourself that your ex will not control you one more minute to help you walk away.

[Jiser]

Not allways the hardest to get over, though as the first break as others have said, you've never been there before, you don't know how it all works. Once you got the t-shirt, I am it's a dam sight easier with other break ups.

I took it hard when my first proper girlfriend dumped me, really hard. I was dumped two more times. Eventually you pick up the pieces and move on, takes a bit of time and hard work but its worth it in the end. It really can make you a better person if you let ;0

[talaniman]

They all hurt, but you learn to cope with the siuation, but that first real break up, is a hard learning experience, and sucks for sure.